Sips my ***Orijin*** as I walk onto the stage. ***Scratches my low cut hair that my scalp*** ache so bad.
Thank God it’s FriYAY, amazing people, Welcome to this special column where I will be sharing personal experiences as I move **uppandan** this beautiful city of **Lasgidi**
The point is we Nigerians are over-entertained already. However, if you are looking for an opportunity to be educated and be inspired, then the memoirs of a Lagos boy is the right place to be.
I left this part of relaying my naughty experiences in life for some months until the good Lord decided to minister to me and said:
**My son, I gave you talent to document things your own way, oya goaan continue to explore**
I replied **Baba God, I can only try** Okay nah, lemme get on with it!
Here I am again, Let’s see how we can be enlightened, have a little fun along the way and relate with true life experiences.
Meeeen! Where are all the entrepreneurs and all the hustlers on this beautiful street. I laughed 3 years ago when I moved to Lagos and I swore in the whole of its entirety:
‘Lagos bawo’? ‘Wetin I dey find for this city whey go drain person energy finish’
The city of hustle and bustle. I remembered when AY, a friend to my elder brother enthused that money is meant to be made in the amazing city. I be like ‘Meeen!!! true talk bro, you never can tell unless you experience’
So here I am in this energy sapping but awesomely carved city. The story ‘no be here’ truth be told. You will work to stupor in this city and spend to stupor!
You think this is a farce? Oya ask all the Lasgidi boys and I am sure all of them can relate to this. You will spend as much as you work ****cries in despair****
There is an added fun part though, as much as you work so hard in this beautiful city, there is also amazing opportunities to ‘ball’ so incredibly. Lagos is that city, meenh!
I am sure you are aware that Lagos houses the best in terms of entertainment and a rocking lifestyle! That city of no dulling. The energy from the streets, the hustle of the hustlers. **It is not here at all**
I have suffered in this Lagos though, I remembered my first year here. I was left with little or no savings.
From the strippersclub in Surulere to the Place in ikeja, to Rita Lori in Babs Animashaun, Surulere and all of the Quilox in V.I ***Ha! The Quilox matter is a gist for another day*** Shina Peller’s pipo wanted to finish a small and naive boy. Gosh! I will never forget.
Lagos girls ko? They will not just allow you show your natural self! You can’t just talk to one without she having to check your personality. You see that look when girls stare at you from head to toe, just because you approached them. you have to be fake to be real to a ‘SiSi Eko’.
Sweethearts, I have suffered in this Lagos sha! Ask all of them Lagos girls, they are here, reading. Yes you, you know yourselves. Lemme oh!! ***Carries my Bowl of Iya Togo Pop-corn and stuffs a handful in my mouth**
Imagine, a girl I met at Admiralty road Lekki asking me how much I have in my account that is making me **waka** uppandan in Lekki of all places. People of God, must a young man not *waka** in Lagos again? So I have to see you inside aeroplane before I approach bah? Funny beings.
Anyway, to more pressing issues, Two critical things happened in my life last week and I have decided to share. You want to know? Oya ask first jhoor!
1. The transformer in my street wants to stop my blogging career
While we are still trying to cope with the erratic power supply and the unreasonable increment in electric charges, we were asleep one night in November 2016 when we heard a **BOOM** sound!
Me that I was a deep sleeper, jumped from sleep because I thought I heard the explosion in my dream and that **Boko Haram** had already entered Lagos only to realize that it was an explosion of the already aging transformer in my street **Seriously, I can bet that transformer was already aged before almighty PHCN brought it to my street then**.
Choi! What happened? What led to the transformer blowing off?
No one had a response to that and we waited for the Electricity company’s officials to come.
What is expected ordinarily to take 2 weeks to fix ran into 3 months! Jesus, my blogging career was at stake! Lasgidi boy had a generator but where is the money to buy fuel everyday to blog Gosh! Career is gone!
Thank God for my amazing friend, Show Love’s Bet9ja betting shop down the street, I was able to access electricity for 6 hours everyday.
Thankfully the transformer issue was sorted out last month and we were all happy chanting ‘Up NEPA’ ***even the 90 something year old papa living in front of my house danced shoki to the sorted electricity ish. **See what we have been turned into as a result of our erratic supply of electricity? Hmmmn!
I said Bye to Showlove to move to my room again. Just yesterday, the transformer exploded again and went off! Now my blogging career is at stake!
Oh Lord, you gave me this work to do, send someone to come to my rescue, mbok. My readers, oya help a budding career, y’hear? There is generator, only that money for litres of petrol never reach****See that little beg beg that I did there bah**** **Soft work**
2. Finding love inside Lagos Danfo
I shared this story on my Instagram and Facebook page last week and I got a lot of funny responses from my friends. **sips my can of orijin again, realized it’s finished and went to stylishly take the one I kept for Bro**
The Lagos Danfo is a shuttle bus that combines its rickety sound, killing smoke fumes and an angry and theifery conductor that you will beg to give you your change after you have paid your bus fare, to cause more havoc on an already congested Lagos traffic. ****I shake BomBom for all drivers in Lagos, How do you guys even cope in the crazy traffic that’s everywhere?****
I had an event to cover in Oniru, so I jumped into my Danfo from CMS heading to Lekki.
Lekki, Jakande, Lekki, Lekki!! The conductor screamed in his already **igbo** laden voice which added to the already noisy CMS bustop. One thing I cannot deal with in Lagos is the noise that accompanies the hustle. Men! It’s killing, but who has a choice. Money must be made abeg!
As I entered into the bus, I noticed a fair skinned **Lagos chikala** was also behind me. Sighting her already, she was beautiful no doubt; fair skin, dark hair and this brown eyes that complemented the hair. I prayed she sits beside me! Gosh I just wanted to savour the beauty, as the Lasgidi boy whey I be nah!
Fortunately I noticed she was struggling to get into the bus with her tight mini skirt, and I quickly helped her get into the bus. She mouthed thank you, smiled and sat beside me…**Oulala** God has buttered my bread. LOL! Sharp guy, I quickly engaged her.
‘My name is DeeDee, Relationship blogger and Photographer. Where are you headed to, You live around here? You should have booked a cab, a pretty babe isn’t supposed to jump buses nah!’ Putting on my A-Danfo Lagos Boy game.
She just smiled and did not respond. Her smile en? It was like God was smiling down on me. Then she responded:
I am heading to Lekki oh, need to sort some things out with my business.
Oh, She is businesswoman. Good one! The working class babes can be a difficult nut to crack, always forming britiko English and all sorts. The street-preneurs know the street codes and fall in line when being flirted on!
Okay so, I became more daring,
When will you be done with your stuff, we could hook up at Palms Shopping Mall in Oniru say, relax and chill, and converse for some time.
The next question she asked me was Are you married?
Huh? I was thrown aback, Married? How nah?
I know what you want to do, Yes, but I only deal married men! Single guys are a No No for me
I then asked her, Are you married? She said No, and then I told her Why the married men!
Shebi you are a Relationship blogger, go and find out!
We were going back and forth on this before I realized I was already at Sandfill Bustop, and sadly I told her bye, no number collected, no data received. I could not even get her name! **sad, very sad**
Why are Lagos girls running after married men? Do you have any idea? Anyway, I will make my enquires and get back to you guys next week.
Lagos will sha not kill me. We will surely hustle and survive in this Lasgidi. Do you have your experience to share as well? Feel free and drop in the comments section below.
Make sure you have an amazing weekend though. Have some fun and relax. The hustle of the week should not stop us from relaxing y’know?
Hang out and have fun, okay? Till next time, have fun and revel in the bustle of Lasgidi!