Dating can be a delicate issue for single moms in a world that is fast paced and technology driven. Not helping matters is the fact that there is a preconceived impression that dating a single mom is outright bad luck. As a young man, you need to understand that dating a single mom is just not as normal as you think it and this post has been crafted to show you all the things you need to know if you are considering dating a single mom.
You ready for this? Jump in!!
I am sure most of us would have at one time or the other met some beautiful young women, with incredible personality and mature attributes that we may want to put a ring on it like immediately, but we shrunk into our shells when we hear that they are single mothers!
Whaaa??? You scream, such a beautiful lady and she has a baby already?
A lot of things would creep into our minds. Was she wayward in her heydays? Was she a victim of circumstance? I would not blame any of us by the way, our society has made single moms look like they are children of the devil, but then in most cases,this is meant to be so!
Some of the single moms made mistakes while dating back that led to the birth of baby, some married the wrong person for all the right reasons, some even married right person for all the wrong reasons. There are some deeper levels of dating and relationships that we need to look into critically before we decide to make our decisions. Who even said a lady having a baby is a bad thing? Who said that?
I would start with me though, and I really felt I needed to do this post because I have been meeting a couple of single moms that I seem to be interested in of late.
Jennifer (not real name) was a lady I met at one of the entrepreneurial talks and event held around my area. I stumbled into the hall late to discover that all spaces were taken already but for a space a lady kept for her friend.
I had stood for about one hour into the event before she beckoned to me to come use that spare seat. It was obvious that her friend would not make it.
I sat beside her and mouthed *a stifled thank you*. Then I noticed a beautiful young lady with this incredible set of teeth as she smiled back in acknowledgement. We exchanged pleasantries and that led to exchanging numbers at the end of the event.
Being a single guy, I got interested in her and we got along well, and so I asked her out on a date. At our date I learned a lot enough to make me ask her for another date, but not before she dropped the *Dee, I have a baby* bombshell.
I was shocked at first! She doesn’t look it at all! How? What happened? She told me all I needed to know about her and her baby!
Interesting, I bet you would say!
My friend Dan invited me to join a WhatsApp group in August,
Dee you are single and lonely, he said, concluding for me. You are also a relationship blogger. Come join this group and maybe you can motivate people, and find love at the same time.
I joined the group and then I met Precious. Precious is a beautiful 23 year old Banker who had a baby when she was 18. That makes the baby almost a grown up already. Right? We met outside WhatsApp, in order to explore our differences and see where we can match things up! However, that thought kept ringing in my head.
Precious has a baby at 18. What will you do about it?
In September, I visited a friend who was celebrating her sendforth ceremony in her office.She was moving to another company and so she invited me, being her very good friend to take pictures of the event for her use.
While at the event, I took a lot of pictures, and in the course of checking through my pictures in the camera timelines. This beautiful lady kept popping up at almost all the group pictures I took.
She was dark beautiful, and tall. I approached her and showed her how many pictures of her I took. She laughed heartily sending me some flirty signs at the same time, and in the middle of her conversation, she quipped in,
Awww… If Richard were around, he would have surely loved Bisi’s pictures. Please can you share some of these pictures with me when you are done? I need to show ‘Rachy’.
Guess who Rachy was. Her daughter! Richard? Her late fiancé.
I have remained friends with these ladies over the months and I have learned a couple of things that might interest you guys. Here are twenty things you need to know before you make your dating decision:
1. She does not want your pity
Remember what the society thinks about having babies outside marriage. They frown at it, however always know that she would not agree to open her legs wide open for some man to get her pregnant and then move away from her.
In fact you need to draw positives from the fact that she was able to raise the kid alone along the way. Celebrate her resourcefulness and spirited efforts to raise her baby. Do not criticize her mistakes, See her as that incredible woman who overworks herself to ensure her baby gets the best! Appreciate it!
When I listened to Precious’ story about her daughter, I understood that she was naive at that time and was dis-flowered by the same guy and then got pregnant on their first sexual encounter. Please note that having sex was her decision, she would not expect pity neither would she expect blame!
The earlier you realize this, the better for you.
2. You will be required to up your dating game
You are that handsome young man with flirting abilities. You believe your tantrums would be enough to woo her to your side! You are smart and have your ways with women. You are very skilled in the art of womanizing.
Dating a single mom is a totally different ball game. Hey experience while raising her baby alone would have matured her. Here, you won’t meet a naive lady, scared and unsure about life. You will meet a mature woman, ready to take charge of her future and that of her child!
You need a new some unique set of skills to be able to deal and handle her. Away with your petty dating style. Here is a new one and the easier you realize this, the better for you.
3. Her daughter/son comes first, before you
No matter how much she claims to love you, her child comes first. Remember the term ‘once bitten, twice shy? You need to realize that she would not trade anyone for her child, he/she forms a part of her.
You should also note that you will not be in competition with her child because that is the important thing to her. You do not need to feel bad or sulk over this. It would be better if you quickly acknowledge and hug the obvious.
I remember what Jennifer told me on our first date! ‘Dee my daughter is the best thing to happen to me because I love her so much. She is my flesh and blood. Anyone that wants to embrace me must love my daughter as well.
4. The father of her child is not totally out of the picture
If you are meeting a lady who lost her ex, like Bisi told me, then good for you. However, if the case was to be one of those cases of some hit and run relationships, then expect the father to still be very much around.
For most single parents, the fact that a relationship that brought about a baby did not end on a positive note does not mean, the other party won’t be very much around. That baby is a part of him too.
You therefore need to put this into perspective to guide your decisions. I would not expect you to feel the ex would be prying into your relationship, but you should accept it and deal with in the most mature way possible.
5. Meeting her kid is a big deal
Single mothers are very sensitive when it comes their babies. If you aren’t a child lover, or you are not that very interested in kids, then obviously the single mom isn’t for you.
Some single moms bring their children into their romance while some feel it is better to leave them out completely. A lot of single moms also believe that when you accept them, you also accept the child. Therefore, meeting her child would be very important to her as it should be as well.
Single women looks forward to their prospective man getting involved with their children. So you should know that, you aren’t dating the mom alone, you also need to get along with the child.
6. She may not need your help
A lot of single moms know that having a child out of wedlock is the greatest mistake they made, and then they would realize that this is their responsibility going forward.
Therefore, the fact that you intend dating a single mom does not mean they ‘really’ need your help. They won’t even ask you to support their struggles, Mind you, this does mean they do not need the help, but then you would need to reach out to them and help. It is not a big deal to them but it would be valued immensely if you show care and concern.
7. They would not babysit you
If you really are interested in dating a single mom, then don’t expect babysitting.
A single mom has her baby whom she babysits already and wouldn’t come to terms to a guy who still acts like a baby, Expecting to be pampered.
8. They love attention, but are not desperate for it
They have come to terms with their lives now and they see dating as not necessarily as important it used to be.
Single moms are not looking for ‘Hulk Hogans’ or Prince Charming to come sweep them off their feet. They need people who can pull in their weight and stick up for them, in difficult times.
9. Spontaneity be gone
Single Moms are very concerned about time and conscious of the fact that they have to return to her child or children as the case is.
Therefore if you are considering a spontaneous relationship where you could just arrange a date in 5 hours and get on with it. The reverse is the case for single moms, they are more carefully thought out, their decisions are not immediate, they ask for time.
Single moms factor in their children, and if you want to be a part of her life, then you have to learn to deal with this.
Bye to spontaneity.
10. Be ready to listen
A single mom would crave for a partner who would provide a listening ear. I have realized most times that single women need guys with excellent listening skills.
You may not even be able to provide that leaning shoulder at that time, but then be ready to listen to a lot of talks about the child. From the events of the day to events that have happened before, just get ready to listen. If you can’t, then you are simply not cut out for single women.
There is no need to be scared though, See the last 10 here:
11. Single moms know what they want from what they need, and isn’t that we guys all look for?
12. She is very independent, at least training a child has made her to be.
13. She could be very patient with you, because she realizes that dating her takes a lot of process and time, and she could be ready for that if you are serious about it.
14. A single mom would able to adapt to situations. She has been pushed to life reality at such a young age, and therefore adjusted to her predicament. She now understands that life is not the way we plan it, and has made the best out of her predicament.
15. Single women become stronger after becoming a parent and this is a big deal which would lead to a huge change in her personality. She would be more aware of her environment, and she is better for herself. Who doesn’t need a strong woman?
16. They are very thrifty. Who wants a lavish girlfriend or an extravagant wife? A single woman understands finance and knows what she had to put up to bring a baby up. They really know how to help a man manage funds.
17. They are mature. Imagine what it means to breastfeed a baby, clean the house, go to work, baby sit, go to day care, tend to bruises, still have to deal with exes.
It takes a whole lot of maturity not to go crazy in the middle of all of this. Trust me, their character develops – a lot more than the some barbie who would always think of buying the next bag or the latest Brazilian hair.
18. They are loyal to a fault. You are dating a man, have a child or children to deal with and the personal growth they even had to go through.
Where is the strength to start double dating and other do other type of irrelevancies? Note that if you are a serious type that is ready for the task ahead, you may realize that a single mom and her baby are just the family you have always craved for all your life.
19. They are not the outsider the society termed them as. Single moms are not the poverty stricken and money laundering persons society has termed them to be. They are just normal people who have passed through some disheartening and emotional challenging situations and have since started a new life.
She is looking for love just like anybody else. Forget your money and your misconceptions. Do not allow these prejudiced notion becloud your sense of reasoning.
20. A single mom is always focused from the get-go. They look at the future from the present because in all of their decisions they know they have kids now and they should remain concentrated on their future in order to prevent the mistakes of their yesteryear.
While dating a single mom may not come as first choice to all bachelors out there, it is important to note that single moms have better and even more fantastic qualities than all the red and brown hairs who are just more concerned about parties and social media.
Your future is in your hands.
Yours in Love