Cut Your Spouse According To Your Size – Sometimes in my 100/200 level days, I had an older lady in my life. Pretty much into each other and everything was rosy and blissful. She is one of the best humans I know during our togetherness, there were times I got so pretty insecure. I am talking about an exquisitely beautiful lady. Tall, intelligent, outspoken, mind-blowing vocabulary, with very rare and unique facial features like a “V” shaped jaw. She was a charm.
My fears started to set in when she’d pick up random calls and talk, laugh and giggle over the phone and I had no freaking idea who she was talking to. I naturally was not a bug so I wouldn’t even ask. Tall men of her size and bigger would come around, the beard gang squad and then deserts had hopes of growing a forest than your dearest Ifelola’s chin growing a tiny strand of beard. She was older and ahead of me in school for a year. The insecurities never came from her, it was just me thinking and overthinking and trying to think what she was and could be thinking. I knocked myself out.
This is not about being spiritual at all. It is about being practical. For the sake of your emotional and psychological health. Please always GO FOR YOUR TYPE. By your type, I mean go for someone who is on the same pedestal of life with you. I love to dream big and wild, imagine the unimaginable and create huge ideas but when it comes to human relationships, it’s got to be different.
If you must go for anyone, try as much possible to see that you are with someone on the same level as you to avoid heartaches and insecurity. These days, you see an uneducated man sending a lady to school, or a man who has SSCE (Senior School Certificate Examination) sponsoring a lady in the university saying it’s because of “love” and expecting that lady to graduate and come back to him as she was.
Man, the university is another world on its own, no one goes through it and comes out the same at the other end. It is impossible. A human always has their mind growing and evolving. She will meet better men than you are and see EVERY good reason why going back to you is a bad idea. Her worth and level have increased, she can’t naturally come back to the grass.
Then the man gets angry and jealous. Yes, he loves the lady, but he believes he has invested into her, so he’d rather waste her than let anyone else have her.
“…kaka k’eku maje sese, afi se awa danu…” (“…The rat will rather destroy the sorghum than not have it for itself and eat it…”)
It’s not that he didn’t love her. It’s not that she is unappreciative, it’s just that a human being is not an item in the stock market that you can just invest into and start reaping gains. Humans grow and their standards want and desires change as they place more values on themselves.
Oshibanjo will die from jealousy if he was just a local government chairman and his wife was in the Federal level traveling here and there with Buhari. It won’t be hard for him to believe it when people start telling him that his wife is cheating. This is because the landslide of values in his union with her successfully created a breeding ground for doubt and lack of trust to grow.
An average income man with a beautiful wife plus a gorgeous body would naturally get jealous to see his wife in her sleeky suit taking press photos with rich pot-bellied men.
This is not to deter you from dreaming big about your choice of partner, but make sure that you are on the same scale as your partner. Don’t achieve this by trying to kill their dreams or making them quit this or that. Do this by adding more value to yourself as well.
“…Ti ina bahun joni, tohun jo omo eni, tara eni laa koko gban…” (“…If you are set ablaze alongside your child, no matter how much you love that child, you have to put out your own flames before you can save the child…”)
Love is never enough. Make sure you share equal values to enjoy emotional and psychologically healthy relationships.
About The Writer - El Ifelola El Ifelola is a Law Student, Writer, Researcher, Life & Social Relationships Coach & a lover of God. Ifelola loves researching, reading, talking, enlightening and motivating people. He stands for self-identity and strength and Godliness.