In life, the decisions we make are what makes or mar us. No excuses for them and that is why we suffer the repercussions on our own.
I have had my fair share of mistakes and decisions. These were mine and I was responsible for what happened afterwards, a bit of which I still regret till now because it was out of my own volition to make the decision. These decisions were tied to my past and growing up though and though it does not make sense to blame my pasts for my present decisions, one can’t just help but still talk about why, how and what led to the decisions that will change the course of one’s life forever.
A story is that of Azeezat (not real name), a 23 year old Nigerian lady who is presumably suffering from a severe case of trauma, depression and low self esteem. I bet when you are done reading the story, you will have a firm grasp of how growing up shapes our lives and what damage lack of adequate parenting, pressure and parental discord may change our life template forever.
Do you know stuff about depression at all? Read my post on the difference between sadness and depression here.
I don’t really seem to have a good dating spirit. Growing up mentality really affected my life a lot. I think I need a therapist!
There are so many things to let out, forgive myself for and move on, It is so hard. All the advice I’ve gotten so far did not really work for me. Few people they just take it wrongly or say something else.
Growing up in my home was a very hard thing to deal with on its own. Both parents always scolding and fighting and at that time there was no one to run to because we were young and never really had a grasp of what was happening.
Both parents always having one issue or the other, it was crazy.
I got expose to sex like earlier by people around us like when I was 7 or 8 yrs old. Of-course, I couldn’t tell my parents because I felt they’ll beat or scold me.
Which child wants that? The sex part of it is wiped out from my head but others happened. I don’t want to remember a lot. Parents always fighting and driving us crazy.I finished secondary school at 16 and entered university 17. I wasn’t ready but my dad wanted me to go, so I did. My lesson teacher almost raped me at 12. School didn’t seem as if it was meant for you. 100 to 300 level was hell.
Instead of going to 400 level I had issues I was advised to changed dept and go back to 200. Which I did but I wasn’t supposed to do. Parent pressure, lack of concentration, low GP. Jumping from one guy to another. My dad always abusing on every little thing calling names. Like prostitute for example which drove me crazy and angry. School was crazy I left school in 2015
Then I got pregnant!
I returned fully go Lagos in October 2015 after I discovered I was pregnant and I was stressed with school.
Later, I had an abortion. My parents were more angrier.
Why did I go have an abortion. Why not keep the baby?
Well all these happened and I found it difficult to return to school because I knew I could not cope. So I stayed back home to help my mum at her shop. She was always behaving somehow towards me, strange. Maybe she felt I was filthy and all, yet I could not bring myself to talk to my mom about how I feel and what I was going through, because the tension at home was high and there was always fight between my Dad and Mom.
Deedee, do you know people get addicted to sex. I think I got addicted because of running for one guy to another for comfort and peace but they want more than that and I just give in. To the extent I wasn’t dating for the peace of mind but the sex which was part of what caused it that I got pregnant then.
It’s so hard now to switch my mind off this whole thing and I have done and gotten exposed to a lot in that realm that it’s hard for me.
I had to do other hustle in Computer Village then to get money to buy stuffs for myself and I managed to learn makeup between 2016 and 2017
I worked for someone as a makeup artist worked in 2017 May to Sept. I just couldn’t cope because I felt I was not good enough and whenever I get criticized, I feel sad and terrible.
The events of my past and how my Dad shouts on my mom being a trigger for my present emotional state. I just could not withstand being shouted on. It gets me mad and drives me crazy on one end and because I had issues expressing myself, I keep all of these bottled inside.
DeeDee, I feel disturbed, tortured, and lots of things.
I have friends, two of them though but I don’t really tell them everything because I am not comfortable with telling them.
I need help, serious help, PLEASE!
What do you call the above situation of Azeezat? Do we say it is depression or low self-esteem, or just another psychological issue? Who knows?
Please guys, if you know of any therapist in Lagos that can talk to Azeezat, kindly drop their numbers in the comment section. You will agree that she needs serious help. Please HELP by providing numbers of therapists you know.