Falling in love has a dark side – I have seen more relationships that ended today causing heartbreak, pain and sadness, that it leaves me with the question; does falling in love have a dark side?
Isn’t love meant to be beautiful, amazing and special? How come it really gets to a point where after dating a guy/ babe for a couple of years, the next statement you hear is:
We were never meant to be
He was the worst thing to ever happen to me
I regret ever meeting her….
Did the relationship ever started this way? No!
But then why does it feel like falling in love has this dark side, which is the pain from hurt and heartbreak! The sudden resentment drawing from loving too much, and the sudden regret and disillusionment that comes with break up from a love relationships.
I believe that break up should be mutual and devoid of drama or any pain, but really, this is not the case in most love relationships, and this is why I would want to believe that falling in love has a dark side.
Let’s start with the process of LOVING ANOTHER!
When a relationship is about to start, you will hear various love words…
You are God’s gift of life to me
You are the best thing that ever happened
I can’t live without you
You came into my life at a point when no one else will, you filled the vacuum in my life and you truly are the best gift in this world to me.
I will love you forever, no matter the situations that comes between us, I will always LOVE you
This is caused by what I term to be the excitement that comes with just starting a relationship. The euphoria of having the wonderful feeling of attachment. The joy of engaging in rituals such as kissing, calling, exchanging texts, going on dates and discussing sensitive issues. You feel so great and special and then begin to see that your whole life should revolve around that one person.
This is indeed the first dark side of falling in LOVE. When you being to think, talk and stay happy within that ONE PERSON, and shutting everyone else out!
Days rolls by, months pass, and the relationship continues. The initial excitement shimmers down (which is expected anyway). When the relationship started, both lovers were just discovering a lot about themselves, therefore it generates this kind of excitement that settles as soon as the lovers begin to get familiar with themselves. Then these exciting activities in the relationship slows down.
The calls, texts, chats, short dates, hanging out reduces and everyone gets busy. Then BOOM! The spark that excites you in the relationship is GONE! With the wind!
What happens next?
The humans in us begin to see that the partner has changed, and he/ she does not feel the same about you anymore. This makes the lover feel sad, insecure and confused, and then you feel that the relationship should grow based on the initial excitement that elicited from the start, a theory that will eventually lead to arguments, fights, disagreement because you both are wondering what went wrong with no end to these ‘relationship slow-down’ in sight.
That is indeed another dark side of falling in love. When the relationship slows down and insecurity and sadness sets in, based on too much expectations from a love partner.
And when the day of reckoning comes, after fighting as usual, one party wants out, and then the relationship breaks up. Everything is over. One or both parties are hurt because they have concluded within themselves that ‘they are not really compatible’ with each other.
After break up, what is NEXT? Moving on right? That is when you now begin to see the true emotional and psychological selves of lovers who just broke up their relationships. They find it so difficult to move on, which should not be the case in a proper love relationship. The party begins to feel self-pity, self-blame, depression and lack of confidence.
You begin to look for ways to get back to your best again. This may seem a bit difficult because of your past relationship and how much you really were in LOVE ‘or NOT’.
For the few lucky ones, they get to move on quickly but for the not so lucky, and super-emotional ones, they are still locked within their sadness, trying so hard to move on to no avail.
…And this forms the third dark part of falling in LOVE.
Relationships are meant to be good, amazing and enthralling if everything works out perfectly with both parties knowing what part to play as time goes on. It is fine if you all have the ‘initial gra gra’ and excitement from finding your prince or princess charming and reveling in the flutter caused by the feeling of love, but you have to be careful to deal when the LOVE game is strong because it comes with a lot of dark sides, that if not handled properly, it may lead to a downfall spiraling from a sky scraper like the speed of light.
- When you lower all your guards down for your lover, to the point that it makes you feel so vulnerable, you need to take note that your relationship will soon have a dark side because you have confided so much in your partner even more than your parents. This is indeed a warning sign that you could be left in the lurch when things go wrong with no one to talk to. Simply because you have opened up too much to your PARTNER!
- You lay all your life on the party, you seek for gratification, motivation and respect from your lover, instead of focusing on your self esteem and self respect. A lover respects his/ her lover who is self-confident and has a whole lot of self esteem, enough to motivate. That’s the way it should be. The moment you begin to seek for consent from the other party instead of finding consent within yourself, your are tending towards the dark side of falling in love.
- When you only fall in love with your PARTNER and not HOW YOUR PARTNER makes you feel. You seem to agree to almost anything he/ she says without having a voice of your own, and seeking to think things through before consent, then you are moving towards the dark side of falling in love.
- You build your entire life around your LOVER. You don’t even have plans about yourself, telling yourself psychologically that where he/ she goes, then you go. Not adding any value. All you want is the feeling of falling in love and basking in that euphoria, and nothing else. Then you are gradually shifting towards the dark side of falling in LOVE.
- When you are controlled 90% by your lover, anything he/ she tells you to say or do, YOU SAY and DO. You don’t even have a mind of your own. You don’t seem to have second judgement, believing so much on the judgement of of your LOVER, then your guess is as good as mine. You are moving slowly and gradually on that dark alley!
- When you break all form of friendship with others just because you are in LOVE with some GUY/ LADY that you are not even married too. Hmmmn! Warning Bells, my dear, you will be shocked at how depressed you will be when the relationship breaks up.
Truth is falling in love is fine and great, but has a dark side when you begin to lose yourself in love; your identity, the real you is really gone. When you are too vulnerable and when you begin to give up everything because you think you are in LOVE.
Falling in LOVE indeed has a dark side! What do you think?