You can’t keep going forth and back like a child who has lost his candy. The candy you were not sure you wanted in the first place. I am not a tourist centre you can just go to and leave anytime you want. This is more like getting your acts together and tell me exactly what you want.
You woke that immense feeling of love in me. I fell in love with you, maybe more than I could have imagined, but that’s okay as long as you are in love with me too, I could live with that. You planned meeting up with me, and made me fall helplessly in love with you, so helpless that it seemed you ripped my heart ripped out of my chest. Yeah, that was how it felt. That feeling.
You made me believe we were on our way to forever, soaring on love’s wings, when suddenly you let go our parachute leaving me stranded on a deserted-no-love-lost island. You went off like a cursed child looking for ‘the lost nothing’ which will never be found. You know the most hurtful part? It was the fact that I worked so hard trying to understand why you changed! I tried talking to you about it. They said communication is key but with you it seemed like just another loose end, not heading to a particular destination. I desperately wanted to know what went wrong, everyone I tried asking what could probably make my love go estranged, told me:
“Guys love to wander off sometimes, just go off at times, love to just be without all of that loving and in that moment it is best I leave him alone. He will come back” Some also said “He is not there with you yet. He is not in love with you like you are with him.”
I could understand if you needed your space, if you felt suffocated and just needed to breathe again. What I did not understand was what they meant by ‘you were never there with me yet’, that you don’t love me like I do. When I thought your love was my map to eternal fulfillment, my landmark. How come mine settled before yours? How come I could hardly find the traces you left for me to follow through?
Time went on us….I began to learn how to live without you. I got to break down the bricks I already built round you and with each day, painfully I moved on. I moved on without you, without your love guiding me through and with every passing day, my heart wished for you to come back. Come back to tell me how much you want me back, that the demon in you led you away and now you are here to stay.
Every day I pray for you to turn back and see me, see the tears of love as they cascade like the fountain down my eyes. Every single day I did this till I had pulled what was left of me together and decided to move on. Not because my love for you has changed or my feelings but because I couldn’t bear to see my pathetic self, wait for you anymore. It tore me apart and I lost focus on the dreams I once shared with you. I decided to move on and pick up the pieces I could merge together of my life, painfully so without you.
Just when I was settling in without you, when I have almost forgotten all the special moments we shared, when I could no longer see any traits of your love anymore, YOU SHOWED UP! Like a ghost who never made it to the cemetery, you went on and on about how sorry you are. That still,you want me back.
I missed you, longed for you, cried out for you. I was in despair, the effect of your love caused me amnesia. I reminisced in the happy moments, the times shared, the moments enjoyed. You were truly a Demon, Yes popular ‘Yoruba Demon’.
I’m sorry my demon, I don’t have the strength to love you anymore.