You need to understand how to get your parents to accept your relationship if you are at the cross-road of denial and acceptance.
You have been going out with your partner for a while. You both love each other and now, you are both ready to settle down for marriage. You have put all the necessary factors into consideration and decided that this is who you really want, that you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
What’s next now?
You need to introduce this person to your parents as the one you wish to spend the rest of your life with and you need to get your parent’s blessings. You see no reason why your parent would object to this relationship but unfortunately, when you do introduce your partner to your parents, they spelled a big NO for you.
Your parents are not in support of your relationship. What do you do? Okay, so you try to convince them that this is what you really want, who you really love and who you are willing to become one with. But your parents won’t budge. In fact, they are adamant. They don’t want to hear nothing of it. Of course, you are sad and devastated. Many thoughts begin to run through your mind:
Should you call their bluff?
Should you run away with this person to somewhere where you can get married without their approval?
So many thoughts run through your mind and you are lost on what to do.
First of all, you need to know that your parents are the best gift the world ever gave to you. They made you who you are and you absolutely need their blessings to succeed in anything you do. Also, when parents are against their child’s relationship, it is usually because of a number of factors like religion, tribe, race, and for some parents, personal rejection. In a situation like this, you do not need to take a drastic decision that could affect you for life. You don’t need to call your parents bluff or run away with your lover. What you need to do is to find ways by which you can get your parents to accept your relationship. There are different ways by which you can get your parents’ approval for your relationship and I will be letting you in on some of these ways that you can use to gain their acceptance for your relationship.
Here’s how to get your parents to accept your relationship;
1. Appeal to Their Parental Instinct
The first thing you should consider doing is to appeal to their parental instinct. Parents everywhere always want the best for their children. If they are against your relationship, then it is because they see something you do not see.
In this case, do not get it into an argument with them. What you should do is to appeal to them. Make them see reasons why you made the decision to be in a relationship with this person. Let them understand that this person is the best thing that could ever happen to you (after them, of course). Let them know that race, religion, tribe and other factors shouldn’t be a barrier.
Tell them we are all humans and we all worship one God. Let them know that all these things wouldn’t stop you from being happy with that person and tell them that nothing will make you happier than getting their approval for your relationship.
More importantly, it is advisable that you talk to the parent you are closer to. If it is your mom, talk to her and let her be the one to convince your dad for you. Also, if your dad is the one that you are closer with, then talk to him and let him be the one to convince your mom for you.
2. Make Subtle Threats
Now, I am not telling you to go overboard with the threats but if the first step doesn’t work, be ready to throw in some threats. Tell them something like “I am not going to get married if I do not get married to this person” or something like “If you do not accept my relationship, then I am going to run away far away to somewhere where you can’t reach me”.
This kind of threat might have more effect on your mother than your father, so direct it to your mom.
3. Get a Religious Cleric to Talk to Them
When the threats don’t work too, the next thing to do is to get a cleric to talk to them on your behalf. If you are a Christian, then get the pastor of the church where your parents worship to talk to them and if you are a Muslim, get the imam of the mosque where your parents worship to talk to them. African parents, especially Nigerian parents are known to have absolute trust and reliance on their religious leaders. So, use this as an opportunity to get their approval. But before you do this, make sure that the religious leader or cleric is someone that is enlightened, educated and exposed enough to convince them
4. Get the Family Members to Talk to Them
You can also get the other members of the extended family to talk to your parents on your behalf. So, reach out to the head of the family, someone who is older than your parents and whom they absolutely can’t refuse to listen to. Be sure that you convince this person first. Let the person know why you choose your partner and why your parents are against the relationship. Plead with him or her to appeal to your parents and get their approval. In every Nigerian home, be it Ibo, Hausa or Yoruba, there is always this respect accorded to the head of a family. So, be assured that your parents might not be able to turn this person down, no matter what.
Now, if none of the above ways work for you, you should be ready to choose between your parents and your partner. You have got to be very careful when making this choice though because it is never advisable to choose your partner over your parents. Remember that love is never enough.