If there is anything I have learnt in life, it’s to never join the crowd. I have always heard that, but this time around I’m looking at this from a relationship perspective.
Back in the days when we were younger, my friends and I talked about our preferences when it comes to the opposite sex, and guess what, we seem to all have one thing in common (or so I thought). We all wanted to marry young men, older men were taboo.
I remember the day I talked my group of friends about my new catch.
Tunde wasn’t the perfect guy but somehow I have feelings for him. He was a single parent of a 3 year old son whom he had with his teenage girlfriend.
Somehow things didn’t work out for them so marriage didn’t happen. He was very mature. He also had a stable job and seemed specific about what he wanted from me – Marriage.
One of the issues I had was how to present him to my friends, my family. I mean what will people say? I was only 25 while he was 40.
“Babe, Nawa for you oh. How can you ever consider that man? He is 15 years older than you. Why are you even in a hurry to get married? You have a whole world ahead of you ,please don’t fall my hands “
That was my best friend Bisi, advising me. Stephanie, the second girl in my group of friends also didn’t help matters .
“Sandra, you want to become a widow at a young age? That means by the time you’re 40, he will be 55. Then comes those sicknesses that comes with old age; High blood pressure, Prostate, Diabetes and so on.
Life they say begins at 40 but with this kind of age difference, get ready to spend the rest of your life in the hospital with him”.
Their comments discouraged me and eventually prevented me from dating Tunde.
So I had to call it quits with him as my friends didn’t approve of him. He did all he could to convince me but my mind was made up.
I tried starting relationships with others guys but something always happens along the line which would not allow it work out.
Fast forward to last weekend where I attended a friend’s wedding. I ran into Bisi after 6 years. We lost contacts after school and haven’t seen each other since then.
We recognized each other immediately and I was quick to notice she was wearing a wedding ring.
Hmmmm, after exchanging pleasantries and playing catch up. I had to pop the question.
Bisi, so you couldn’t even tell me you are getting married, congrats dear. Did you come with your husband?
“My sister don’t mind me o. I lost your number, it was not intentional”.”Meet John my husband”,
she said pointing to an elderly man sitting close to her.
What? I couldn’t believe what I saw, I managed to extend my hands to John as Bisi finished the introduction.
“Darling, meet Sandra my childhood friend, we just met again after 6 years.”.”Oh nice to meet you” said John.
He appears to be in his 60’s while Bisi is 35 years. That’s some 25 years gap! or even more.
Oh my God, how could she? after advising me to leave Tunde because of his age?
My mood suddenly changed but I had to control my emotions and excused myself. My mind went to Tunde, he was just 15 years older than me and had a child. A man like John would obviously have children, perhaps he is a widower.
What a world. I felt betrayed.
I realized I have lost a good man because my friends didn’t approve of him and yet Bisi went ahead to do what she advised against.
When I got home I decided to check Tunde on Facebook and guess what? He is now married, obviously to a more mature woman who knew what she wanted and grabbed it with both hands when the opportunity presented itself.
I have learnt my lessons the hard way though, to follow my heart. I feel like turning back the hands of time. He was everything I wanted in a man.
Now I’m 32 years and still single.
When next I see someone I want, I don’t care what friends, family or even the society thinks.
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