Eniola Adeniji is at it again with this deep and controversial post on Instagram. Read and let’s know your thoughts:
Poverty is not a virtue!
Poverty is not a fruit of the spirit!
Poverty is not a proof of good character!
Marrying a poor person isn’t a definition of virtuousness!
Whewww… Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, can we talk?
There is something I often see, where people write about how women “must” be willing to suffer from a man who has nothing going on. And when a woman turns down someone who isn’t financially capable of taking care of a home, she is tagged a materialistic woman.
See I have a problem with the above… I see it here over and over on social media and I’m pissed. Do not use your own blurry compass to judge how someone’s life should go.
For me as a person, as a 31-year-old woman, I have absolutely no interest in doing suffer head with any man (insert eye roll). Not anymore. In my 20s I’ve done that shit and ain’t yield nada. I remembered sharing the story about dating someone who had nothing in my early 20s. He didn’t even have a house, got stranded and I had to beg my mother for him to come live with us. Yeah, he lived with us for some months. When he finally got a room in a face me I slap you, we had sat down on the bare floor with newspaper. And gradually, we began to set up that place together. I remember how I’d divide my meagre salary into 3 so I can drop a portion and ended up wearing Okrika to work. When things changed 4 years later, so did he and he suddenly realised I wasn’t in his league. Lol… And his family who didn’t give a hoot about him suddenly feel he deserve to be marrying someone from a richer family. Woo, I don’t fault him believe me! Sh*t happens!
See, if you like nack ya head on the floor because of this post, I don’t send you o… All I know is, it is time to stop that bullshit of telling women to lower their standards just so one person can give them a cheap ring and manhood (Because the truth is that’s the only thing some people have to offer you as a woman). While the men walk around with a false sense of importance about how he can have any woman even if he’s broke as heck and doing nothing about it because he isn’t supposed to lower his standard.
Singleness isn’t a curse!
Majority of men who feel a sense of entitlement about how women should suffer with them often go for women who actually have something going on. And then the world expects her to be the one to settle. Exkiz me braa, why aren’t you seeing Auntie Janet who is in your Church and struggling to get a job? Or Auntie Mercy in Choir who is still hustling with no money? No, o… You won’t see them, because deep down you’d rather be with someone who has something going so you can use her as a cushion.
But then you are quick to jump out on social media about how women are gold diggers, braaa take a back seat.
Marriage is a Union of Power and it is perfectly alright for a woman who is in passionate pursuit of her purpose, dreams and goals to only desire a man doing the same. There is no shame in that. There is no shame in a woman working her butts off to make something worthwhile out of her life and only interested in a man doing the same.
Ask 100 women if they’ve ever dated/marry someone who actually had nothing and how it turned out, I can bet you 50 of them will tell you stories that touch the marrow… You’d be shocked by how many humility is inspired by poverty… Until small change enters some people’s hands, you don’t effing know them. Do not put your life on hold so someone else can go get theirs together, develop yourself and never be left behind.
So let’s stop shaming other people for making decisions about their own lives. Life don’t end because we don’t have a ring in one hand and a penis in another hand. If we wake up at 40 single, we’d be bloody wealthy, have business empires, making an amazing impact and drop dead gorgeous. Deal with it *tongue out*
Most of these mentally broke men end up marrying this power and purposeful women and then they do everything to take their power and purpose away from them because they are mostly insecure.
Two days ago a woman was on air, her 60k earning hubby living in Kaduna wanted her to resign from a job she’s built herself in, for years and paying her 550k in Warri. Yesterday I read a post from a friend here about her sister who is a Lawyer, married someone who she felt they could grow together, years down the line he started doing very well, demanded his wife stop working, turned her into a pauper who has to daily beg him for N150 to buy bread and tea, smh.
After the World Cup final, I saw how a lot of Nigeria men were going on and on about the Croatian President and how she’s Wife Goal, laff wan kee me. You people and your Mysognistic ways, you people that literarily have a problem with your girlfriend having a car while you have none and then begin demanding she hand over the key or sell it, why? You say so people won’t look at you wan Kain.
You people that the day you come home and find out your wife’s salary is now 200k more than yours, you begin to look for ways to stop her from working because your manhood is tied to her earning 50k while you earn 150k… Tueh. You people that will use your brothers/siblings as Next-of-Kin instead of your wife. And God forbid if something happens to you, she gets thrown out on the street with her children. Tueh. We know a lot of you like the idea of power women, but your control, low self-esteem and misogynistic ways won’t let you marry one. And if you marry one, you take away her dreams to make yourself feel good about ya manhood.
In every 10 men, it’d take extra grace to find 4 men who would truly push their wives towards becoming the very best God has created her to be in Nigeria. We all can pretend, come on social media and act all dandy, we know as e dey go. Little wonder why most of these women eventually walk out of such marriages and then go back to being is amazing.
The truth is a man in passionate pursuit of his own purpose and dreams is very secure in himself and have no need to dim his woman’s shine. All his desires will be towards seeing her fulfil her lifelong dreams. And its alright to only seek such men.
So, let everyone find their levels. Want to be average? Find another average and live happily ever after. Want to be President, better find a man whose mental ability is able to process and carry that, not someone who thinks the only place a woman belongs is in the kitchen abii the other room. Don’t be a bucket minded person and go marry a teacup minded person.
In the end, let’s stop messing life up for women who have their lives going great just because of some silly warped up expectations.
If you believe in starting and struggling with a man, it is awesome, believe me, it truly is. If you are blessed enough to find someone who truly appreciates it. So go do that. But remember you aren’t the standard. Because others won’t do that doesn’t make them less virtuous.
Woman go chase your dreams and make some bloody ass money and let a man doing the same find you… Find someone who is dedicated to “growing” all around, and making something worthwhile out of his life also. Iran meta okin toshi… It’s alright to start a new legacy.
What do you think about this article by Eniola. Share your thoughts in the comments.