Relationship counseling service in Nigeria – First, what is relationship counselling?

Relationship counseling is just the way of counseling the parties of a relationship in an effort to detect, and to understand and resolve better, troublesome differences and repeating patterns of stress or conflict upon the relationship. The relationship involved may be between members of a family or a couple, employees or employers in a workplace, or between a professional and a client. But what we will be focusing on, is the dating or marriage relationship between couples. That is, the romantic relationship.

How does couples counseling help?

Most people enter into dating a partner believing that they can handle whatever obstacles that come along the way of dating this person. But with time, they come to realise that some issues get out of hand and they can’t handle it themselves. So, they need a third party that is experienced in the art of counselling couples both in dating and marriage, to help out with these issues.

This is where relationship counseling comes in. Also, it is not completely necessary that there are issues before you go for a relationship counseling session. Sometimes, one needs counselling before even entering a contract into a romantic relationship at all. For example, a marriage. Although a lot of people now go for marriage counseling in Nigeria before getting married. The importance of this can’t be over emphasized.

Is relationship counselling service in Nigeria a common thing?

Not really. Relationship counseling or therapy is still considered a western thing to do in Nigeria. And actually, relationship counseling originated from Germany in the 1920s before it spread.

Nigeria isn’t too technologically advanced yet, it makes for less awareness about the availability of relationship counselors. So, for now, relationship counselling is mostly done by families, relatives and close friends of people in need of relationship counseling. At least for most Nigerians.

What does a relationship counselor do?

Some really small percentage of the Nigerian population, they bring in relationship counselors into their relationships for guidance. Most of that small percentage are affluent/rich people. Maybe it’s because they have access to these things more. We hope more and more people start to embrace relationship counseling though. It’s really of immense benefits to those who decide to try it.

Below are the major reasons why we need relationship counselling service in Nigeria.

1. To help in improving the average level of communication between Nigerian lovers

Not every one has the same communication preferences that is with different people comes different ways in which they like to communicate.  Some people prefer to talk, that is, to verbally express their feelings. While some prefer to touch and others are more visual or respond better to gift giving than an outward communication of feelings.

You personally probably know which communication style you prefer compared to the others, but what about your partner? We are all exceptional and diverse, and our response to stimuli is in different ways, and effective communication with your partner will come from recognizing and then accepting this. Your partner may be telling you exactly what they need, but you have to be aware of how they convey this information to you or else you might not know. And if you don’t know, it can cause miscommunication and misunderstanding. If there is miscommunication , you will miss the opportunity to build trust and closeness and you’ll both feel frustrated in the relationship.

To truly understand what your partner is telling you always try to be present that is, in the here and now. You have to put time aside and dedicate yourself 100% to communicating with your partner effectively. They should know how you truly feel, that they have your full attention and that they are your number one priority anytime, any day. You have to know how your partner likes to communicate love and speak it. It is very important.

It is difficult to pay attention and be fully aware and see reason when you’re angry or tense, but you have to remember that intimacy, love and trust are actually built when times are hard not when they’re easy. So if we give up at every sign of difficulty, we would never progress and develop. You have to seize these opportunities to grow and flourish with your lover.

Also, in order to communicate well with your partner, you have to be honest and open that is, say what you mean and make your feelings clear. Running away from conflict seems safe on the surface and maybe comfortable, but it’s bad for trust in a relationship. You must be able to trust your partner that whatever you say will be heard and respected, and so must your partner.

If you or your partner is opposed to facing the truth of struggles, you may find yourselves putting your emotions to the ground to please each other and thereby avoiding problems. But the problem you’re avoiding will still resurface sooner or later. So, it is best to tackle your conflict heads on. And how can you do that? By communicating! Communication is so crucial in a relationship. So very crucial.

A relationship counselor is trained to handle these communication problems you could be having in your family. A relationship counselor knows how to help you. Especially in Nigeria where we like to rely on the advice of friends for handling our issues. A relationship counselor will give you unbiased advice and workable solutions. DeeDee’s relationship counselling service can help you with this surely.

2. To help in increasing the level of intimacy in Nigerian couples

Guess what rates highest in a long-term relationship? Is it passion or intimacy between the couple? Passion is certainly important, but intimacy rates the highest!

Intimacy is the feeling of another person fully knowing you as you are, and for all you are, and loving you because of who you are. This level of knowing each other requires taking a big step into rare honesty, total baring of one’s soul, and allowing oneself to be totally vulnerable.

The closer the intimacy, the more you will have the experience of total communion with your partner. For some, intimacy is that feeling of being at home in the presence of your partner. And for some, it may be an increased feeling of relaxed pleasure  and happiness when you see your loved one’s face after a long time.

In order to feel more intimate with your partner, you need to disclose more to each other to feel closer. Also, you need to make time for deeply emotional conversations. Don’t be closed up to them. Also, do new varieties of things together. This will help strengthen your level of intimacy.

Deedee’s relationship counseling service can help immensely with helping you in your relationship’s level of intimacy. All you need is to contact DeeDee and you are one step closer to increased level of intimacy with your lover.

3. To help in delivering relevant and appropriate information to Nigerian lovebirds

Relationship counselors help in relaying important information to couples and partners whether dating or married.

For example, a marriage relationship counselor will advice for Blood genotype test and Rhesus factor test before approving a couple ready for marriage. This is a vital information that would be related to the couple by a counselor. If the couple had decided to skip the counselling aspect before getting married, they might have to face the consequences later. So, there is the need for a relationship counseling service more in Nigeria for effective relaying of crucial information to lovers, whether for marriage or not.

4. To help Nigerian couples in solving specific problems in their relationship

Problems are bound to arise in every relationship, and each couple has to find its own way of handling these problems.  Some couples are less open and lie to themselves that they never argue. Instead they  both silently agree to avoid confrontation on their issues and then sweep their problems under the rug, creating anxiety and reducing intimacy.

Unresolved problems are a major source of stress, and this kind of stress can not only undermine the progress of you relationship, but reduce your input into the relationship as well. Substantial amount of research has shown that successful relationships are not those that have fewer problems, but instead those that have found more effective means of solving the problems that come up or arise.

Problem-solving is more than just airing complaints. You need to be clear about what you would like to be different in positive, concrete and specific terms to your partner so they can know how to help. You also have to plan a time to talk.

The role of the relationship counselor in the couples’ counselling relationship is to facilitate change from what is happening to them at that time. The counselor is there to help them communicate in an healthy way in which they can learn to listen and talk well to each other. Many people shout at each other and may have to learn to listen and talk to each other peacefully.

The counselor is not there to force his or her own views on the couple or to give an opinion of what the couple should do. Instead, the counselor’s role is to help the couple together and on their own to do what is ‘best’ for them. This is not always possible but the couple can sometimes learn to accept their differences and move on either as a couple or individual. The role of the counselor is to be non-judgemental and allow the couple to reach an amicable understanding.

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About The Author

Team Lead - Contents

The brain behind Deedeesblog, Detola is a content writer, relationship coach, documentary photographer and Editor. Detola loves LOVE and believes that love is the greatest gift humans can give to one another. He coined the name thePhotoblogger after realizing how much he loves to tell visual stories of people and places. His vision is to document people living under $1 per day and places with tremendous potentials for investment opportunities. Deedeesblog is a platform of life and love documentary. Connect with Detola on admin@deedeesblog.com

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