There’s a rally going on the U.S of A.
They want the use of guns to be controlled. Some wish they shipped all the guns off, in fact.
My friend Brian who leaves in the Rocky mountains of Colorado thinks they need more guns.
He owns a .44 Magnum and a Four-sixty Weatherbee that shoots heavy ammunition.
I ask him what he needed a Weatherbee for, that’s a frigging antitank gun!
“Protection, dude.” He says.
“From whom, the terminator?”
“Dude, we got folks worse than the f@&king terminator around here, mehn.”
He asks me if I have a gun, I say no, I say, “what for?”
He says I joke. I say I don’t.
I tell him if you have a gun in my country you were either a army dude, a police dude or a terrorist dude. (Brian calls me dude all the time)
I am just a dude.
“Wait, you got terrorists!?”
“Yes we do.”
“What kinda terrorist, Isis, Hezbollah or what?”
I say, “KKK.”
“Dude, don’t f@%k with me mehn.”
I laugh. “Its an assortment of terrorists actually.”
“What!” He shouts, “you got all the terrorists there is in your country?? Hezbollah, Isis and the f@%king Iraqi’s? You need guns more than I do! Trump should ship ’em all over to your country mehn!”
I ask him if he heard of Boko Haram.
“What’s your country again, Congo?”
“Oh yeah, no sh*tting.”
I wanted to ask him why you Americans have to say the word sh*t every time you hear the name Nigeria.
But I did not.
“No sh*tting.” He said again.
I gritted my teeth.
“Dude, let me tell you something, if guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. You feel me?”
I tell him I feel him.
“But I think, I do think America needs to chill the f@%k out, like, not let a certain people have access to guns….”
Brian continues droning in a monologue I hardly ever follow.
Me, I have started thinking about Garri.
Is it groundnuts or fried fish?
Which is more economical and wamilele?
Thing is, I and Brian, we worry about different things. Our immediate priorities are poles apart, not your trekking poles, but like the Atlantic ocean that separates us, and as deep.
My American friend worries about civil liberties as bestowed upon him by his countries constitution.
I am beleaguered by more mundane things.
Food. Transportation. NEPA. Glo network. APC channel 37. Bournvita and milk. Akpu and ogbono.
I am under too much incessant thumping by these principalities to care about civil liberties. My stomach hurts so much that I m unable to follow Brian’s earnest political deductions.
Brian has probably had scrambled eggs and ham, hot coffee and steaks washed down with white wine; in a comfortable house fitted with heating for the snowy time. He’s got a Magnum to shoot at birds and anyone who didn’t fit the description of a bird and is looking to harm him and his. There’s so much NEPA light for Brian to use that you could say the sun never sets.
So Brian is alright. Brian can remember to think about fighting to keep his guns from the annoying and badgering democrats.
Me nko, oh I m worried stiff about AK carrying marauders.
I guess I really am.
I m equally worried about the intricacies of kidnappings and the conspiratorial flavor inherent in the whole arrangements.
But there is a pillar in my way.
Food. House. Water. Light.
Four pillars actually. Things I ought not to be worrying about so that, like Brian, I can worry about civil liberties too.
Brian has finished talking.
“Dude, you there?”
If I tell Brian what was up, he’ll start shouting again, so I keep what was up to myself.
I think fried fish and garri with cold water and plenty sugar will be very wamilele this evening.