Always and forever….

The very words we spoke to each other at the altar of our love

The words I heard you say to me with so much passion in your eyes

With so much longing that sparked the fire of togetherness forever

We were so much in love

The word “forever” became our “love you”.

Forever Baby, I kept saying over and over again beside you on the sick bed, with your life hanging just like the drip line injected into your hand. Forever baby? No word escaped your mouth despite how my ears were itching to hear your “forever”. How much I longed to hear the word I had listened to for the past 5 years together! Five years of bliss and pure love. Even princess, our daughter, calls us ‘forever square’ instead of dad and mum. Now I can’t even bear to answer to that anymore, I can’t stand hearing forever from anyone apart from you. It is so heartbreaking seeing you hang between life and death. I could barely stare at you without breaking down in tears. This is not the man I fell in love with and got married to.

Ayomi, I remember the first day I met you; the manly charisma that you possess as you walked into my office with confidence and gait looking for my boss. I have never been stuck with by such personality. I could remember vividly how I made a fool of myself staring at you with my lips hanging out.

Hey Missy, you said coolly, jolting me out of my fantasy island, with that sexy smile dancing around your lips. Instead of me getting out of the trance, I only smiled stupidly with my eyes popping out of its sockets. You politely reminded me why you were right there in my face in the first place. I quickly apologised and pushed you through to my boss immediately.

That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship till you saved me of my ‘agony’ and eventually asked me out. It was the perfect relationship I had been waiting for. Not perfect in the sense that you did everything perfectly, but because we were two young imperfect souls working together towards perfection. You loved me beyond words could actually describe and I’m eternally grateful that I said yes to you. I’m glad I walked down the aisle with you, and said “forever and always”.

You said you never wanted “till death do us part” so you insisted we make do with “forever” only because you said even in death, we would always love each other. I guess this is it. The time to test if truly we would love each other. Ayokunumi, this is a test I never want to pass because I want you alive with me always. I want us to nurture Princess together, give birth to Michael and birth forth all our dreams together.

I left your bedside in the that Friday night, to tuck princess in the beautiful room you painted for her, since the two of us have been sleeping in the hospital for the past week. While tucking her to be, a white light appeared by Princess’ bedroom door and there you stood, naked and staring at me with your deep, coy smile. I was happy that you have joined me in tucking Princess to sleep, and I made to pull you to join us in bed, when I heard the word escaped from your lips, ‘Forever’. I heard it clearly and I was 100% sure I didn’t imagine it this time around. With that smile plastered on your face, you disappeared like a cold mist just right there in my presence.

I cried out from my short nap on Princess’ bed, to the sound of my phone ringing. Mom was calling me from the hospital.

Hi Mom..I whispered, with tears from the short dream still streaming down my face.

‘Ade. Ayo is gone ‘forever’. Mom whispered into the phone, sniffing.

Everything went blurry from that moment, I did not know when I started screaming ‘No, No!!’ till I blanked out. I only found myself on the hospital bed with drips and families around. Immediately I popped open my eyes, Princess ran to me crying and kept repeating “Mummy they have covered Daddy’s face with the bed sheet”. In a flash, everything came back to me and I realized Ayomi is finally gone.

Today is the fourth year you left us Ayomi and I have been saying “forever and always” just to feel close to you and just to let you know, Princess doesn’t sleep in her favourite room anymore, she said it makes her cry all the time. Thankfully, she is gradually growing with your kind of gait and that beautiful smile that reminds me of you. She is very strong mentally now, leads her class and possess the same aura of confidence that made me fall in love with you.

We miss you so much!

Is death your ‘forever and always?’

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