What is your love language? I read a story somewhere online about a lady complaining that her boyfriend hasn’t bought anything for her in the space of one year they started dating and that it is worrisome, giving her a second thoughts about her decision to be married to this guy.
I read some people’s opinion on the same story: some said does he have to buy her gifts to feel loved? What if he has been giving her something else of substance like his time and services? and that gifts are not a true measure of love.
Hmmm,that’s where I think they got it wrong. I personally would be bothered if I’m in the lady’s shoe too because I can’t imagine dating a guy for three months and I won’t be able to state exactly what he has gotten for me during that three months we have been together. This is not about being materialistic, it is a measure of how I feel loved.
What is your love language:
Gifts don’t have to be something big. It could be the simplest things and yet very valuable to the your partner. A recharge card can mean a lot. Just little here and there to show you care about him/her.I know some people don’t care about gifts, infact I’m sure some ladies out there might not complain if they are the ones in the lady’s shoes (though I doubt if such ladies exist), but it is very possible because their love languages might be very different. It could be act of service, just do things for them, help them out when they need hands on deck and they will keep loving you till thy kingdom come. What matters to individuals are different. What I like and cherish might mean nothing to you.
This is why it is very important you understand your partner’s love language. There guy could have provided other alternatives in being caring than buying gifts. He may prefer acts of service and attention to other stuffs. But I beg to disagree, how can you love someone without gifting her things? I don’t think you can separate gifts from love or love from gifts.
It is very possible to give gifts without love but it not possible to love without giving. And giving is in a lot of means, not necessarily materials only.
That’s why it paramount to understand your partner in order to avoid leaving one unfulfilled. We have five different love languages and almost 99% of people exhibit all this five different love languages.
Their level of importance is just very different to people. I might exhibit 90% of quality time while maybe I exhibit just 2% of physical touch and maybe someone out there prefers physical touch to act of service. You dig?
I will explain just few things about the five love language.
What is your love language?
1. Word of affirmation:
These are spoken words you say regularly to your partner. Your partner might be the one who thrives on compliment. People in this category feel loved more when they are being showered words of affirmation.
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as: “You look beautiful”, “you are the most honest, hardworking young man I have ever met”.
They feel good and loved.
2. Quality time:
Quality time can also be termed “attention”. By “quality time,” I mean giving someone your undivided attention. Don’t be surprised if your man/woman always wants you around. Just to shower him/her with all the attention you can give. Giving such person a gift won’t quantify for the time she/he wants to spend with you or all the attention she/he would have loved.
If your mate’s primary love language is quality time, she simply wants you to spend more time with her.
3. Receiving gifts:
Like I wrote earlier,you can hardly love without giving. Almost everything ever written about love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving.
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought.
It doesn’t matter whether it costs a lot or a litte. What is important is that you thought of him or her. It is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.
What of the person who says, “I’m not a gift giver. I didn’t receive many gifts growing up. I never learned how to select gifts. It doesn’t come naturally to me.” Congratulations, you have just made the first discovery in becoming a great lover. You and your spouse speak different love languages. Now that you have made that discovery, get on with the business of learning your second language. If your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn.
4. Act of Service:
This might be your partner’s primary love language. If you notice your spouse appreciates you more when you do something for them,like help in moving some stuff or help with office work, give solid help in the kitchen or around the house.
When you notice he/she swoons with love when this happens than all the gifts or attention or affirmation, then you should know you just struck a chord in her.
Consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, changing the baby’s diaper, keeping the car in operating condition — they are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.
5. Physical touch: This is a delicate method of showing love. We all know touching can go a long way in expressing love. For some individuals, physical touch is the language they understand and without it they feel unloved.
Physical touch includes kissing,lovemaking, touching and all sorts. But just like every other love language, it requires self discipline.
Your spouse may show all the five love languages. But there is always a primary love language. She/he might appreciate when you help her/him out(act of service) or when you get her/he gifts(receiving gifts) or always reassuring he/she with nice endearing words(words of affection) or when you spend the whole day with him/her, giving total attention but she/he will appreciate you more when you give him/her physical touch.
Everything done in excess always turns out bad. I admonish self discipline when handling love languages with our spouse. Communication and understanding is very important to a successful relationship. You partner might not be used to certain qualities,maybe giving or touching or act of service or attention,you have got to be patient while you allow them to grow with you.
Let me ask you, What is your love language? or should I tell you mine?
Drop yours in the comment section below and expect mine in return!