It’s official: Coital fantasies are good for you, regardless of gender. It’s all got to do with their ability to heighten desire, putting you ‘in the mood for love’ and enabling you to be more receptive to your other half. Scientists are espousing the benefits of having and revealing fantasies to your partner as a way to boost happiness and wellbeing within your relationship. If you are ready to share your fantasies, however, one question remains: will your fantasies most likely differ from your partners, and if so, are you up to try something new?
Fantasies: We All Have Them
If you feel a little guilty about fantasizing about someone other than your partner, put a stop to any negativity. Around 90% of people fantasize about a third party, according to author Brett Kahr, whose book Who’s Been Sleeping In Your Head? is based on surveys partaken in by 20,000 people. Kahr’s research has found that many imagine ‘getting their groove on’ with the partner of someone they know. Many others also entertain fantasies about their co-workers. Finally, a solid percentage of women (around 18%) dream of being with more than one partner at the same time.
Is it Different for Men?
Men spend around twice as much as women thinking about lovemaking every day, and the nature of their fantasies are also different. A team of Quebec researchers found that men’s top five fantasies include giving/receiving oral, making love with two women, making love with someone who was not their current partner, making love in an unusual place, and watching two women make love. Many also dreamed of lovemaking in a romantic setting. Homo fantasies were also prominent, with around 27% of men surveyed and 21% of women surveyed having this type of fantasy. The survey was illuminating indeed, finding a small minority of men who had some unique fantasies such as ‘zero gravity’ love making and making with an ‘authority figure’.
What do Women Want in Bed?
Location is big for women – so if you want to make your female partner happy, pick a gorgeous location such as an island or mountainside getaway. A woman also fantasize about receiving oral and anal. Science backs the utility of this fantasy, with Chapman University researchers finding that “ satisfaction and maintenance of passion are higher among people who receive more oral.” Like men, women are additionally curious about group coitus.
How to Broach the Subject of Fantasy with Your Partner?
Some couples are open about their fantasies; they are more likely to engage in role plays, use toys, and embrace novel coital positions and even locations. If you are new to the coital fantasy game, priority should be placed on lowering tension and creating a jovial, relaxed ambiance. Why not pull out this article and ask your partner if they have any of the ‘common fantasies’ mentioned? Or ask them to list down three fantasies they have always wanted to try? Doing so does not mean you have to live out everything on their list (‘zero gravity’ lovemaking may be a bit hard to achieve, after all), but it does open the door to fantasy and the benefits it can bring to your relationship.
Some people fear discussing fantasies because they are scared to hurt their partner’s feelings. However, research shows two clear things: fantasies are common, and they can heighten coital desire. Couples who remain active can feel the beautiful bond that arises from physical touch. If you have a fantasy, share it; you may be surprised to discover your partner has the exact same one.