DEEDEES MUSINGS: YOU ARE GOOD IN BED, AND SO WHAT?

‘Please Boo make us some meal, will you?

No I will not, let us go to Kilimanjaro or Spurs, they really have some new meals that is affordable.’

No I don’t want to; some real homemade food will do just fine

I am not cooking, I hate cooking, I don’t know how to cook…

That was the discussion between Deolu and Gwen, both are lovers with Deolu a very good friend of mine. This has gradually become the bane of lots of arguments between lovers in recent times, with the ladies being at the fore front of eating outside their boos house, and not wanting to even make a real meal for the guy despite the guy’s kitchen being stocked with lots of food that would make even KFC green with envy.

I also had this discussion with a girlfriend of mine, I really wanted to understand the reason why a lot of Nigerians girls are either bad cooks or they don’t just want to make a meal either in a relationship or courting.

This has seriously degenerated to the point that a lot of married women, do not even cook or just know how to cook for their husbands. It is not uncommon these days to witness even married women wake up as early as 6:30 am in the morning with flasks and plates heading to canteens and restaurants to get meals for their children to take to school. Well, they make good business for the food vendor you will say, anyway, that’s fine.

Some girls will even go as far as stating with pride; ‘I don’t know how to cook, a man who wants to marry me must take me for who I am’ yet the following month they come all crying of heart break and all, wanting sympathizers to blame the guy for breaking their hearts. Sorry. Well, while we can’t confirm that the inability of a lady to cook has contributed significantly to most breakups, the possibility of a breakup could be higher where the lady can’t cook or just don’t want to or think it’s important. Ask me why, it’s a natural course and this can be premised on the popular old saying that “the way to the heart of a man is his belly”!

This trend is really a thing of concern to me, or is it just that I am getting it all twisted? I also need to mention that I have met and come across some lady friends who are just amazing cooks! They do it excellently and effortlessly, with great passion and zeal like it’s a lifesaving mission. Sometimes back, when Ifeoluwa asked me what I wanted for my birthday, a lady friend who is a great cook, I gave her a menu and told her I wanted her to cook it for me – BOOM, it was done, on my birthday! While it’s neither not all about cooking nor sex, it takes a lot to make a total woman, but maybe these are very important of mentioning.

I understand that in Lagos these days and everywhere else in fact, working hard is now the in thing and in actual fact, a lot of people do not have the time to make meals because they believe that it is work first before anything.

Even in relationships, ladies prefer to eat most of the junk meals out there rather than making efforts in delivering a local delicacy for their boyfriends and fiancés. When it comes to sex or lovemaking as the case maybe, some girls are actually very good to the point that they know all the styles, acrobatics, and even the semantics and reaching full crescendo when it comes to the art, but how about cooking?I have held a lot of interviews with young, eligible bachelors and even married men who claimed that they value good cooks in their homes as wives rather than ladies who know all the sex styles of this world.

Mike, who work around Victoria Island, said “We will both grow old sometime and then we will not even be able to have sex as we used to, but what keeps you here, in my heart is your ability to make a good meal and take care of my home. I’d rather die than allow my kids to even eat outside the meal of my wife”.While he may be a little bit subjective in his outburst, I’ll rather say that he is really being sincere and has triggered a subject of discourse and what is increasingly alarming in today’s youths.

Why do we have ladies that do not want/like to cook? Why are there beautiful women who do not even know how to make a meal? Why are ladies comfortable with working and making money at the expense of pleasing and making their men and/or kids comfortable?

I remember a lady told me sometimes back, when  I said my wife must be a very good cook “Deedees, you go tey en?, maybe you will have to go and marry a teacher, because you cannot expect me to work 8 am to 12 am everyday and now get home to make a meal for you’’.

I quite agree with her to some extent, yes, you work and make all the money but how about weekends. This will not be a bad idea in fact. You find time to hang out, go for dinners, events, and even spend as long as 30 minutes showing your dexterity in bed, yet you cannot spare 15-20mins making some very decent meals.

In recent times, men show romance even in the kitchen, by staying with their women, helping them out, while the woman does the whole cooking thingy. This is termed to be romantic on the part of the men. Maybe cooking is the new sex, lol. It can be as romantic and engaging as the sexual act itself.

Have you really asked yourself why your relationship is not working well as it ought to, ladies claim they give guys their all by performing all the artistic arts of sexual fulfillment in bed, yet they cannot juggle up a decent meal.

It is even bad now that, some ladies claim that their moms did not teach them how to add one or two together when making a meal. So why will they make meals for their men/husbands. I get concerned when I listen to stories like this. (However, this is a gist for another day).

Ask any married man of late, and he will surely tell you, he can get sex anywhere he wants to, but good food? Not anywhere my dear, so if you want to increase your worth or value in your man’s life, try to learn and practice the art of cooking.

Learn, learn, and keep learning. A healthy relationship is not just about, sex, outings and shopping. It dwells more on your personal self-worth. Food is important to life and important to man. What is even more important is the source and ease of getting fed. Work to earn the respect of your man through your culinary skills, this will add a lot of spark to your relationship and who knows, increase the lifespan of your union, maybe even forever!

Ask him questions, what does he crave for, we all have our cravings, sometimes, it might just be that Edika Ikong soup, or Efo riro. It may even be Ofe Nsala or even the continental dishes that abound around. I know you are smart and work your butts off to be independent, but do not neglect or forget your heritage as an African, we all were born to be good cooks. Do not throw away the art of cooking, always endeavor to improve yourself whether your mom taught you to cook or not.

As mentioned earlier, the old saying ‘the way to catch a man’s heart is by making his belly big through good food, and nice meals’. Even if he is out with another, for a night of sexual romp, he will remember your meal and come rushing back home. This is one tool that has worked over the years for women, and it is still working.

So you having some bits of trouble with your man, husbands because of your lack or not so good culinary skills, then you will need to work on it. Yes, you can work on it and be better, everday. This will go a long way in saving you a lot – even your relationship.

Be better for yourself, if not, na OYO you dey oh!