Lifestyle Relationship Hacks


When you are a budding relationship and romance writer, It is usually important that once in your relationship journey, you try as much as possible to reach out to your audience. Not just on your platform either Twitter, Instagram or Facebook, but also popular platforms where you know there is a mass following and seek for reactions and feedback.

This gist is about one fight between myself and a friend of mine back then during my service year in 2012. He just broke up with his girlfriend of five years in 2010. Both of them moved on, I never really got to meet his ex anyway when he was dating her, he was always fond of keeping her in the shadows.

In 2012, during the fourth month of my service year, Damola (my friend Ola’s ex) came to visit in Ibadan. She relayed the story of her love to Ola with me and told me everyone has moved on. Well, Unconsciously, we got closer, than I even imagined. I can not place what exactly led to that level of closeness, maybe it was our daily conversations and the fact that we discussed a lot of relationship issues. Bottom line was, I asked her out and then she agreed to be my girlfriend. That was when all hell was let loose.

My friend Ola got a wind of it and labeled me a disgrace, a back biter, a sly, a fake friend; I was shocked and couldn’t believe my friend could think that of me. I mean love is a crazy feeling and it could happen to anyone and in any way, in any situation as well.

Why label me a sly, a fake friend? You guys are no longer together for God’s sake and why will breaking up with my friend imply that she is a No NO to other guys. What rule books stated that?

This eventually degenerated to a lot of issues and friends were beginning to take sides, which made the new relationship very much complicated that we eventually had to let go. Till now, I still get confused really about this situation. Why can’t i date my friend’s ex? What is wrong with it? Why are people so crazy when it comes to issues like this. The more I thought about it, the more confused I got.

I eventually decided to pick my laptop and write about it after 4 years of dealing with that situation in my mind. So I went to WhatsApp, BBM and Nairaland to get feedback from both friends and people that are neutral.

Some feedback got me laughing, so hilarious. Some were very apt, Some were patronizing and some very deep. I decided not to be the only one to see this, so I brought it here. Check the feedback I got.

Ronaldlif on Nairaland

“Don’t think so. It’s against the guys code, stay clear your friend’s babes, ex or current ones. Personally, I’ll cut all ties with a guy who’s dating an ex. I’ll see him as disloyal and capricious and not to be trusted.”

Cute Hector said

Naaaah.. his ex is my ex! Out out out..

Dolly Joy said:

It’s improperly abnormal

Excel boy said

It’s bullshit and not advisable. Had same issues some days back with a friend who tried cornering my babe who i’m still in a relationship with, and i really embarrassed him. I see it as an act of betrayal.

Bimbola on Whatsapp said:

What the hell? My friend’s ex? Ridiculous, wen babes are still in excess outside begging for dates and guys forming uninterested…. For me to eat my friend’s left over, I’d rather go hungry. Again, not dating my friend’s ex is a sign of respect to my friend. My brother’s, friend’s exes are no no for me…… Too many girls in the world please!

SunnyT said

It’s an act of disloyalty and betrayal, anyone who sees nothing wrong in it has betrayal in his blood

GoldenJAT was very deep and stated categorically that

I see most of the guys here really objecting to it… but I beg to differ… so many things will have to be taken into consideration, and not just because she is my friend’s ex… so if I see a good girl,my type of woman, that will make me happy when I eventually marry her, then I should not go on and create that special relationship with her, because she is a friend’s ex?? that’s myopic of those saying otherwise.what if despite all her good qualities and the friend in question was just playing with her? and the heart been as it is..falls in love with her? there is nothing morally wrong with it.. the Bible ain’t against it… so ladies and gentlemen.. I will.. date and even eventually marry her if my heart chooses her…my friend won’t stay with me in my house, that they dated… doesn’t mean they end up together.

My BBM friend Zarah Olusola has this to say as well

Sometimes love makes us do things we might not not do ordinarily, So I can’t say per say. If there are no options, I love him and he deserves the love, why not?

Need I write more? yes i have more to write and that will be next week. Same time, same category, same blog…Keep it a date with Deedee here…..I jet whetted your appetite yea? That’s the plan!LOL.

What is running through your mind as you read this. Don’t read and go away, let’s make it more enlightening, drop your comments. I know you like this topic..Let’s have your view.

Everyone should learn from you, don’t you think?

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  • Reply
    Lion of Wall Street
    June 24, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    One has to be careful in the way one reacts to this until one has thought deeply. Ordinarily, I would say if u are my friend and u date my ex, den u and my ex have both become exes to me. But then can I date my friend”s ex? It depends on many things…if I mention them all I’d only be writing another blog post…lol. Bottom line is…anything is possible…we don’t have to judge others.

  • Reply
    makinde teniola
    June 24, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    Its a bit complicated but truth be said ain’t nothing wrong with it as long as the friend is cool.

  • Reply
    June 25, 2016 at 9:48 am

    First thing that came to my mind… What led to the break up? From a girls perspective: if the guys character has no no’s, then we won’t even end up together. From a guy’s perspective: if girl was played by the guy that is to say, it ended cos the guy is a no good dude just out to hàve fun, then why the hell won’t I date her if I find her good enough!
    What am I saying… As a girl, I will never date my friends ex cos I definitely know the guy ain’t no good. (I know my friends). However, as a guy, una know una sef. Most of y’all just play around with girls and kick her out wit a flimsy excuse. So if that was the case, sorry bro, your guy gotta date your ex if she’s gat what he’s looking for. (He probably just wanna play her like you did)

  • Reply
    June 25, 2016 at 10:39 am

    Well, there is a lot to be considered here, according to the story, the lady in question is a friends ex which I never knew or met, an abstract figure, we later met on a neutral ground and love happens and my friend is pissed about it, sorry to him, will only tell him thank u.

  • Reply
    January 25, 2018 at 5:00 am

    I’m still learning from you, as I’m trying to achieve my goals. I definitely love reading everything that is written on your site.Keep the tips coming. I liked it!

    • Reply
      Detola Deedee
      January 25, 2018 at 5:04 am

      Thanks a lot HEAR.

      Good to hear from you.

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