When you first start dating someone, everything seems to be going perfect. Romance is flourishing, you feel butterflies in your tummy every time you see each other, and sex is more passionate and intimate than ever. But as relationships evolve, many couples feel the flame inside the bedroom is slowly fading away.
Having troubles in bed is actually pretty common for couples that have been together for a long time, so don’t think you are all alone in this. Sometimes, it may happen because partners don’t have enough time for each other, while at other times, it may be because they fail to communicate what they like in bed. But worry not, because most of these issues are solvable with just a bit of understanding and communication.
We’ve listed 7 of them below, along with some advice on how to overcome them in a healthy way.
1. Contrasting sex drives
No two people are alike, so it is pretty common for partners to have different sex drives. In fact, experts say this is the most common issue that couples are facing. In the beginning of the relationship, desire is usually high, so this discrepancy may not be visible at first, but once you start getting more comfortable with each other, sex drive may decrease for one of the partners.
If that is your case, and you want to have sex more often than your partner wants, the worst thing you can do is start criticizing them for their low drive. Instead, why not have some fun by yourself? A good g-spot vibrator may be a girl’s best friend when her man is not up for it.
2. No time for intimacy
When you work for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and on top of that, you need to take care of other time-consuming aspects of adulthood, the only thing you want then coming home is to just sit on the couch and do nothing. Oftentimes, couples feel they are simply too busy or too tired to include sex in their daily routine.
If you suspect this is what is happening to you or your partner, maybe you need to work a bit on your schedule. Start by putting work aside the moment you come home, and refrain from responding to emails or phone calls when you are not in your office. Try to go to bed together a bit earlier in the evening, and save some of your time for romantic encounters, or just wake up half an hour earlier and try to make mornings your together time.
3. Low libido
Sometimes, one of the partners is simply not feeling as sexually active as before, and the reasons for this are plenty. In some cases, it may be because of a medical issue, or hormonal changes associated with pregnancy, menopause, or ageing. In other cases, it can happen because they are too stressed, or going through a rough period, in which case, discussing with your partner and showing support is the best thing you can do.
The best thing you can do if this is your case is to openly discuss with your partner and find out what causes the loss of sexual desire. Be careful how you bring out the issue, as they may not feel too comfortable talking about it. If it’s you who has a low libido, come forward and tell your spouse why you feel this way. There is nothing open communication and patience can’t solve.
4. Poor communication
The majority of problems couples have to face, be them in the bedroom, or in other aspects of their relationship, come because they don’t know how to communicate. Being open about what you like and who you are is paramount if you want a relationship based on honesty and love. But at the same time, communicating too much, without saying anything at all can also be an issue.
The problem does not come from how often or not you communicate, but how honest you are when doing so. Tell your partner what you like, but make sure to also listen to their needs and desires. Remember that relationships are all about teamwork, and teamwork is not possible if you don’t treat each other as equally important. Pay attention not only to what the other one has to say but also how they react when you do or say certain things. People communicate nonverbally more than they do with words.
5. Ignoring the mind-body connection
Intimacy is not just about two people being naked together, it’s about the connection that you have with each other, both on a mental and physical level. If you can’t stimulate each other’s brain, trying out countless sex positions just won’t do it in the long term and you will end up facing the same problems all over again.
Egos have nothing to do inside the bedroom, so if you want pure intimacy, you will have to learn how to make sex equally as pleasurable and satisfying for both you and your partner. Before getting down to business, both parties need to make sure their partner is both physically and mentally turned on, so talk to each other, learn what you like and work as a team. This brings us to the final topic on this list…
6. Not knowing what they actually like
When we are constantly bombarded with inaccurate depictions of what sex should be (and look) like, either form television, porn, or media, one can get confused about what they actually like to do or be done to them in the bedroom.
The only way to discover what you and your partner really like in the bedroom is by communicating and, lucky for you, experimenting. A lot. This does not mean you need to start to reenact the entire Kama Sutra, but every once in a while, try to add something new to the menu and see if you both enjoy it.