DEEDEES’ MUSINGS – LETTER TO MY FUTURE WIFE!

Sugar Baby

It is true that I now approach the supposed marriageable age for young men, so I would call myself a bachelor and your prospective husband. This has obviously made me available to all types and manners of ladies.

They say bloggers are womanizers because the internet exposes you to more readers and hence you build a connection with people online and maybe offline. I would not say this is a false premise, but note that my type of blogging is a much focused one, so be rest assured that my loyalty to this cause is certain.

I don’t belong to that school that craves so much attention by filling you up with too much loving words ( i love writing love letters anyway). This is not to say that our marriage won’t befun filled anyway. At least it is important to take a cue from the recent wave of domestic violence.

I have decided to add reality to practicality so you could enjoy the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Let me tell you a little bit about me, growing up I was made to enjoy lots of home made food; freshly pounded yam, freshly prepared Egusi Soup, and all sorts of home made meals; excellent. It is a certainty that you are going to emerge from where I am currently based, please note that I will not accept eating out or bringing soups from restaurants. I know you are going to be beautiful and very trendy. Hello! Let that trendiness affect your family….It is home made food for me, nothing else. If you have not schooled yourself in the art of cooking, Biko I like food, get on with it, no excuses.

That notwithstanding, we get to eat out once in a while, occasionally it is.

I am not an Oyibo husband that wakes up and makes a meal, I don’t watch Telemundo or what do you call those soap operas, so you don’t preach husband ‘cook for your wife lecture’ to me.

I was not trained that way. I could help you with the dishes or in laundry, but please do not deem it a necessity, as this is primarily your concern.

I am a traditional African man; I don’t deal all those unnecessary niceties that won’t lead anywhere. This doesn’t make me any less romantic anyway. I understand romance, don’t remind me. Oshey!

If you attempt to bring the fact that you work 9-5 to me. The best bet is to talk to your boss and seek for your disengagement from work. The money I make is enough for all of us. I could even pay you salary.

Do not even try it. If you want to do gender equality, read very good books to learn and understand what needs to be understood, not follow some group of Nigerians who we are not even certain what they preach is true.

Do not expect so much from me on our wedding night, as I may be too tired to have that love making you may crave for, infact do not expect lots during our honeymoon, as I may be busy blogging as usual.

This is not a counter motion to the fact that you would have a sex-filled-cum-latte marriage. Your hubby will never fall short. As an Ondo Man, it is my duty to fill my wife up and make her dance ‘shoki’ to my tunes. Expect a lot of that!

Do not even attempt to ‘suck’ or want to be ‘sucked’. I am old fashioned, my parents did not train me to be sucked on, I am not feeding bottle okay? 40 years this year and they are still together. Suck or no suck, don’t bring in jagbajantis to me Biko!

I want to have two kids, any less is a NO, any more is a NO. This will allow me channel my resources as appropriate and allow for enough savings to keep you at home in case you misbehave and wanna start ‘nagging’. Any attempt to have a third en, that third will go to your father’s house and will not be a part of our sorted out family. He/she won’t even bear my name. Trust me when I say ‘two’ I already have it captured in the books.

Oh Nag! Dear Sugar, I hate the sound of that, do you understand what is called ‘Dialogue’? Wallahi I am an advocate. Nagging may put me off our home for 2 months, and God bless your soul, you leave the kids to a nanny to say you want to leave the home too. You go ‘hear’ am. It is not going to be rosy, there will be a lot of thorns along that path to marriage righteousness, but believe me, we will work it through, but don’t even try to attempt to nag at me!

You can be rich, even richer. It is allowed, just don’t try to rub it in. I don’t love proud women, so if you know you are proud from your parent’s house. Leave that your pride at my doorstep and don’t allow it follow you in! You will suffer for it.

People say I am selfish, self centred. I don’t know if they are right or not. If they are, better for us both. Marrying you makes you automatically a part of me, so selfishness will help the family.

It’s just going to be you, me: Us, no outsiders. Isn’t that what you wish for?

I am a proud supporter of excellence, and I will support you no matter the extent you want to reach in your career, so far you put your obligations as a married woman into perspective. I know mine as the head of the house, do not attempt to re-iterate it.

Please ensure you have big bums, as I am a fan of the usual ‘turn your back style’ when it comes to bedmantics.

I love to smack and tickle from behind. If you don’t possess this, ‘abeg, no even come my way’. I am indifferent to the ‘jugs’ whether huge or not in as much as they still remain firm even after two kids! I don’t need to tell you what to do. You are smart enough to know what not.

Put your mind away from the thoughts of me being a chauvinist as I am not. I just don’t want us to keep up with the pretense that abounds around us. Gorrit?

I hope you gets the facts right and stick with it…Pending any other observations, and reflections. I want to wish us a Happy Fruitful life in advance. It’s me and you forever.

I promise to be the best husband ever, and the most outstanding father to our unborn kids. This is my sacred pledge.

Cheers SugarBaby

It’s me your prospective Hubby

DeeDee

Abi Marriage na by force? *Say No to Domestic Violence*