About the Contributor - Orifunke Lawal Orifunke Lawal is a blogger, a content creator, and a professional writer. An SEO Associate with Jumia, she loves writing about provocative topics and insightful subjects. At the moment, she's working on a project called The Lagos Series which shares an enlightening, entertaining and inspiring narrative of Lagos. If Funke is not working, she's doing one of browsing, sleeping or looking for trouble. You can check out her blog at orifunkelawal.com. Orifunke has dropped this interesting piece of advice for young ladies intending to start a serious relationship in their early twenties. Read on:
I wouldn’t advise any of my younger ladies to get into a “serious” relationship heading towards marriage in their late teens or early twenties.
This is an absolutely personal opinion and my reason is simple:
During this period, she is undergoing processes and indirect experiences that could have an impact on how she sees the world. This means that with more knowledge, comes some change that you might not be comfortable with.
It’s why you find older guys have their way younger girls leave them after school and they start to tell you women are the same.
No, women are not same. Your girlfriend just evolved. And you were probably unable to handle that evolution. Simple.
I am not who I was some years ago.
I am almost a crazy switch from what I was two years ago.
If you place the me of three years ago and the me of now, asides skills, you might not be able to tell I’m the same person.
I have changed.
There are certain opinions that I hold now that I didn’t hold three, two years ago or even one year back.
Five years ago, I wouldn’t have thought I could cut my hair.
Three years ago, I wouldn’t have thought I’d start having a punkish hairstyle.
Two years ago, I wouldn’t have thought I would ever dye my hair.
Now, I am on dyed hair.
One year ago, I wouldn’t have fancied guys who wear studs.
Today, if you wear studs as a guy, I’d probably crush on you.
Two years ago, I’d probably have advised someone who wears nose rings and ankle chains to stop.
Today, I want to get a nose piercing.
Three years ago, I wanted to marry a Pastor.
I do not think about that anymore right now. I don’t want it.
Three years ago, I was staunchly against abortions.
Now, while I would not tell anyone outright to have an abortion, I am not against it either. If having a child will result in you bringing it into suffering, I don’t support it.
Four years ago, I would have been seen preaching to women that virginity is their dignity.
Now, I’d have to be at gun point to say that kind of shit again.
There’s a whole lot that has happened to me and so fast in such a short time.
There are a whole lot of things that I now know, that I can now say, and that I can now imagine that I couldn’t just a few years ago.
I have become much more liberal and while my core values and principles have remained a part of me, there is a lot that I know now that I didn’t know before.
I have evolved.
If someone had dated me three years ago and had built a future with me in his mind based on WHO I WAS, he would have been in shock now.
Then you’d start hearing tales of, “You’re not the girl I used to know. You’ve changed. You’ve entered the world.”
When dating someone in these “formative” years, you should expect that they can change from who you know them to be based on a number of things like exposure to people, to books, to movies, to places.
This is probably why a lot of university relationships break off too. The guy graduates and leaves the babe in school, he goes out there and “sees the world”. He knows more now and doesn’t think he wants to go ahead with the one in school because he is beyond her level now. And this is understandable; their patterns of thinking have grown apart.
Doesn’t this happen all the time, really?
I’ve spoken with a lot girls my age and older and most of them would admit that who they are now is different from who they were at 19, 20, 21 or even 23.
Most of them wouldn’t even date a guy they dated then!
People evolve, especially young people. And no, it doesn’t change them from being good people. It doesn’t mean they used you. It doesn’t mean they’ve become bad. It only means they evolved.
Are there exceptions? As always, there are.
Have I raised some very valid points that you might not agree with? Hell, yes, I have.