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dear wife learn mother

Remember that wild rant I made on the blog post earlier this year I made when I heard about the issue of a man beating up his wife that she died around Oshodi area of Lagos, I was livid that a marriage could degenerate like that. How a man would lay his hands on his wife. I mean how could a man do that? Will we say it was situation of post-traumatic stress, psychological disorder, or the repercussion of having a nagging wife? Well I don’t know too much as I am not a psychologist. I am just a writer.

While we guys cannot deny ourselves the fact that handling ladies is more or less like handling an egg that can break anytime, it is very pertinent to understand the woman psychology.

No matter how hard I try, there is no way I would not compare a lady with my mother. Yes, she belonged to the group of fragile women, daunting, gets my dad angry plenty times. However She is the epitome of everything a man could ask for. Very understanding, complains but never nags, strong willed and emotional to the core.

She also has masculine like feminine features as she single handedly took care of the home for 16 years when dad was away on his long sojourn in Lagos. Those times, she realized the need to be a ‘Man’ and quickly acquired the skills coupled with the fact that she was Ijebu! (known for their strong will and prudence when it comes to finance).

Funny though, she had all the opportunity to be a woman who would be deemed promiscous. I could remember she telling my sister that story of the different advances from men, especially my Dad’s friends when the struggle to manage the home was much. However she stood firm and survived those trial times. How she did that, I cannot fathom till now!

Mom was a disciplinarian. Plenty times she would flog us, so hard that we thought she was gunning for our skins! LOL. To her “Spare the rod is more like spoiling the child” Be it as it may while some people may think caning the child should be completely eradicated! We ‘relived’ these experiences then, and we are much grateful for all the rod tweaking. Who knows what would have become of her children now.

In terms of being close to God, ‘oh Laad’! She was that close, she could pray for her children from dusk till dawn. She managed the home, took care of the extended family, and still created time to talk to God. People say that it is when you have issues that you move close to God, but for Mom, God was just like a second father. Her relationship with him was simply like a father to daughter kind of. Till now, I still struggle with getting close. I am getting better by the day.

I remember when she fell sick, we thought we were all going to lose her, she almost left this world, until the second father she had descended directly to heal her. Apparently, her work on earth was not done yet. She’s got 3 ‘crayy’ boys and a beautiful daughter. She needs to train the wives as they come into the homes of her boys and also train the ‘tom’boy’ as she gives her out in marriage. To us she was strong and special, a different kind of woman, very active, very outspoken, extrovert in nature, controlled the home with all diligence and doggedness.

My Dad said this sometimes back when the marriage clocked 30 years, about 5 years ago. ‘Dee, your mother was the best thing to happen to this family’. As he said so, tears of joy escaped from his eyes!

To my future wife!  There is a lot to learn from my Mom, do not shy away from her. She is a beautiful woman. Do not pray for her to leave this world before you come in! She would stay for as long as God wants her to. Being a loving wife goes beyond the ‘fluent spoken English’, ‘gorgeous body’, ‘fantastic dress sense’ ‘beautiful face’ and ‘ awesome sexual skills’. It balls down to your personality and growth – physical, spiritual, psychological and emotional.

…and my mom is the definition of all these, Dear wife!

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