Popular relationship coach and marriage counselor, Omobolanle Awoyemi made a post on whether marrying without parental consent is disobedience on her Facebook wall, and the reactions have been tremendous and eye-opening. You should check these reactions out.
Read on:
Olukemi:
Every marriage has to be worked on.
Even if God showed a thousand preachers, plus every member of your nuclear and extended family, if both parties do not work on it, It will CRUMBLE..
God is not a magician.Listening to parents is very good and rewarding.
Yoruba says if a child has good clothes like the elders, that child can’t have the number of rags the elder has… This too is true. But what does one need rags for? It’s useless.I’ve seen many many people that missed great spouses because their parents refused.
They are now married to the person their parents want and their life still isn’t complete..
Some of them aren’t still married at 35. The men have gone ahead to have beautiful marriages with other girls.If one is old enough to be married, such person is expected to have a great deal of wisdom. That is the principal thing. Wisdom.
The wisdom NOT to place the reigns of one’s future in the hands of any man. Parents , pastors inclusive. Because they are human. They are fallible.
No matter how wise we all are , we can and will still make mistakes.And we all should know that God may or may not show our parents or pastors any sign or vision about us.
He is God. No one can hold him to ransom by saying if you are indeed God, then show my parents.
If he didn’t show them, He still remains God.Adaobi:
I can’t do without parental consent – I’m that petty but then I think it has a lot to do with my background. Anyone my mom is out-rightly uncomfortable with is definitely not my husband, we’ve come that far.
I’ve seen cases like and one my Dad had to stand in. Their reason was based on academic qualifications and his family background which is obviously petty. They also didn’t object totally, they only said they won’t attend the wedding or so. Many years after, the woman understood why her parent’s insisted she shouldn’t marry her husband. Infact she confessed that if she saw things how they did she wouldn’t have accepted either. No she’s happy married o but those tiny things they were pointing out started popping up. She realized that they were not so wrong after-all.
I love my friend’s case because she asked God to convince her parents as a proof that she’s on track and he did, her father who couldn’t stand the guy now loved him. She did exactly what I would have done.
People know the level of trust they place on their parents, they know their parents values too. I know my mom so well that if she doesn’t think something is right for me then it isn’t.
Oluyemi:
It is NOT disobedience..
Not everyone can be like me though.
I married my husband without parental consent…
I knew the pact I had with God and was sure about what God told me. So I went ahead .Is consent good, YES.
Is it compulsory, NO!!
Will your life take a horrible turn if they refused to consent to your marriage? NO!!My parents are both born again Christians.
I am too and so is my husband..If the you are a born again Christian who talks to God, Let her go on her knees and pray. What is your conviction??
I know many won’t to believe this, but God sometimes will not tell other people or convince them over your own matter.
My mom kept saying God has to convince her since she is my Mom and she knew God before me.
Well she wasn’t spoken to.And God has been true to the words I was given.
The only regret I had was not marrying my husband earlier. We begged my parents for about 6years.
If i had married him earlier , who knows, we may have achieved much more than this.The lesson from all my ramblings, know just what your convictions are and stay true to them.
Whatever decision you take, be ready to stand by them.Anonymous:
I got married without both my parents and my husband’s parents consent. But of them were both present for the wedding eventually (reluctantly of course).
Before my wedding, my parents told me to go ahead and said it’s my life and they are not going to be a part of whatever happens to me. I did my intro and my in-laws didn’t show up, my hubby just brought one of his uncles and his wife to represent. My parents only agreed because my younger sister was ready to marry and the guy to them was the glory of the family according to their (I see, I see) pastor so they had to agree so it won’t be as if they allowed her and didn’t allow me because I’m the eldest
But they were so sure mine was destined for doom, I cried like I never did before but because I was so sure this was it for me, I held on and God surrounded me with relatives whom I had like minds with.
Ironically, Today, my hubby is the best in-law they have. If they have their way they will bring my sister out of her marriage as the abuse (verbal and physical) is like food to her.
My in-laws reason was tribal, my parents’ reasons was also same because I broke up with the person they prefer (someone who verbally and physically abused me while dating him).
My parents didn’t mind, my mom even said she also suffered abuse from my dad so it’s not new. They called like a family meeting with the guy and cautioned him (like, don’t do that again oo) but I stood my ground.
Please note that God may not show your parents any sign because He did show mine nothing, even If He did they would not have listened cos of the hardness of their hearts.
Mrs P:
The place of personal conviction from God can not be overemphasized.
My hubby and I courted for 5 years before we got married and all through this time, we never received the consent of my own parents.
They said they didn’t like his name, he was too short and they didn’t like where he came from. He’s an Ijebu man.
But I was sure of my conviction. Above everything, I know how God speaks to me and I was clear on this. He was also sure of his. How shocked I was when my parents disapproved of him. More shocked because they are both well read.
We never had the traditional or church marriage but opted for court wedding at the end of the day.
Few days to our court wedding, my parents said they have disowned me and since I wanted to go against their wish, they would see how far I would go in life, in our marriage.
At this point, I went back to God. I told him to please speak to them. But He never did…
Eventually and admist all the buhaha, and with my in laws support, we had our court wedding and I relocated to Canada to be with him.
It’s been over 7 years with him, two kids. I have achieved so many things I never thought impossible. I went back to school and I have my doctorate degree among several awards and recognitions I have gotten globally.
Last year, for the very first time since we got married, my parents contacted me and said they would like to visit us because they had something to tell my hubby and I.
When they arrived, they apologized for everything. They admitted that they really see that I’m truly a daughter of God first before their own daughter. They confessed that they were just being unnecessarily scared for me and for my future that they had to cook up lies, including the lie their pastor prophesied against marrying my hubby.
I was shocked, but we also realized that sometimes parents do not give their consent because of their own fears, or sentiments.
And sometimes when pastors predict doom marrying a particular person, it’s best to go back to God and be sure of your own conviction.
If I didn’t marry my hubby, we would have definitely married different people, good people maybe, but I’m sure I’d not have achieved as much I have and even as a couple.
This is not to say that our parent’s consent aren’t good or some parents haven’t prevented their kids from bad marriages. Its good, if parents would remain very objective, honest and non-sentimental about the choices of their kids. I think many parents know when they are wrong, but they play the ‘I’m your parent and you must do what I say’ card, using biblical verses to support their sentiments.
In my own opinion, the final approval still comes from God…and the final decision is yours to make.
Finally, we must not ignore the fact that many parents have ruined their children’s happiness because of mere sentiments and fears.
Anonymous:
I faced incessant pressures with my parents before I eventually got married. They wanted me to just get married at all cost being their only child.
I had broken up with my ex of four years and that to my parent was a bad decision. They thought that I shouldn’t have, infact managed him like that because I was not getting any older. But I had my reasons- dude was an unrepentant cheat and womaniser.
When Y came along, my parents approved of him instantly. His mum was my parent’s friend and she lived in the same neighbourhood as us.
My parents were so excited because a man had started showing interest in me. Both parents gave their approval and the wedding preparations started immediately.
I had my concerns but couldn’t just place them. Also, I was also already tired of being tagged useless and evil because I was not married at 36.
I wish I listened to that gut feeling. I wished I stopped that wedding. I salute those who got married without their parents consent and their marriages turned out well. I got their consent, yet it was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I didn’t listen to mine.
I don’t want to start to recall the many headaches being married for three years has caused me. From the first day, we both were not compatible. Got to know that Y drinks and smokes as he hid this from me all along.
We have no time to bond as a family, hence our sexual life was zero. He couldn’t keep a stable job. We fought and fought and fought, neighbours knew us. I became the bread-winner of the family, fortunately, I was able to manage my job away from my domestic affairs. He preferred to drink, party and hangout with his friends coming back at wee hours of the night. He had no life outside his bottles, cigarettes and friends.
This year, I made up my mind to stop blaming myself or my parents and take the rest of my life into my hands. I have started the divorce proceedings and I’m back to where I started from; being single.
My parents are really sorry and have vouched to trust me and not pressure me for marriage henceforth.
Anonymous:
I am not married yet but I was once in a relationship with a gentleman that my mom didn’t approve.
She hated the young man with no apparent reason. I personally believe it is because the guy wasn’t well packaged to her taste, he didn’t fit the ideal man she had envisioned for me.
I hadn’t made up my mind then as to whether I wanted to marry the young man, we were still in the getting-to-know-you phase, but my mother’s blatant rejection of him make me to almost rush the relationship to prove a point.
I sat my mother down and told her that she has no say in who I marry, I told that she’s free to advice me but that she cannot pick my husband for me. She took offense but I stood my ground.
I told her when I am ready to marry, if she has no tangible reason as to why I cannot marry the guy then I’ll proceed with or without her consent.
This almost put a dent in our mother-daughter relationship. But it was necessary she understood that she would no longer interfere in my relationship.
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