Finance Questions To Ask Before Marriage: As you and your lover move towards the serious part of your relationship, which is the process of getting engaged with the intention to be married, it is important to ask questions to serve as a check on compatibility and how you can deal with differences. One of the major areas where questions are to be asked is FINANCE!
This is because the role of finance in a relationship or marriage can never be under-estimated. What happens when there are no funds to run a home?
Omobolanle Adeyemo, a Facebook Influencer and Relationship Counselor has decided to come up with these finance questions to ask before marriage.
Popularly called Omoby, is a relationship counselor, writer, registered quantity surveyor, and construction manager. Omoby is also an inspirational speaker and a sexual purity advocate. She also has a parallel passion for counseling and coaching in the areas of relationships, career, and purpose. She continues to shape the narrative on relationships, virginity, and sexual purity among youths in Nigeria. Daily, Omoby attends to the counseling needs and desires of young people seeking to achieve success in their relationships and love lives. Her counsel is exemplary and reflects practical, helpful tips. By God’s grace, she has helped many to avoid potential pitfalls.
Grab your seat belt. It is going to be an enthralling ride.
Due to popular demand, I have drawn up questions dating couples can ask each other.
Let us focus on Finances.
Financial issues are a bone of contention in many marriages. If you’re dating, this is the time to get talking and pay attention to this aspect. Don’t skip this very important aspect of your relationship. You must sit down together and discuss. Find a common ground or walk away if you both don’t agree.
So let’s start.
1. Do you or your partner have a job or source of income that takes care of your bills? In Marriage your responsibilities are going to increase so at least either of you should have a stable source of income.
2. Are you both going to operate a joint financial system or a separate system? I have seen situations where the man wants the woman to close her account and strictly do joint. For some, they individually own their accounts and also do joints. Some don’t do joints at all. Decide what would work for you both. Some women believe that my money is my money while your money is our money. Are you okay with this?
3. Who’ll control your family budget? Family budget entails everything you’ll need payment for. So you’ve got to ask what purchases would be made and how much for each of these items. Also, how much of your family income should be saved.
4. Are we going to share bills? Is your hubby to be going to solely involved with paying for all bills while you do none? Or what bills would you be sharing with him. Ask and discuss.
5. Is my intended open with me on how much he earns? I know how much my hubby earns and so does he. Find out if he’s the type who doesn’t share this information. I know some men don’t believe in sharing this information with their women or he lies about his take home because of fears of his woman ruining his salary on frivolities.
6. Does he/ she earn more than you? As a woman, are you comfortable with earning more than your hubby? There are women who wouldn’t take up high paying offers for the fear of being the breadwinner in the home or in the bid to be submissive. Find out if she’s like this.
7. Who’s going to be a housewife or househubby? Who’s going to be the sole provider? Is he comfortable with you working as a woman? Or he’s wanting to set up a store/business for you and how comfortable are you with this?
8. Is your partner a spend thrift or a prudent person? Some people would easily dash money to anyone who asks, they don’t know how to say no. Are you comfortable with this?
9. Does your partner return borrowed money or not? If no, are you okay letting this go? My hubby would always return money borrowed from me. I used to want to forget it when he borrows me, he taught me how we should ensure financial discipline even with each other.
10. What are your thoughts on investments? Is (s) he the type who doesn’t believe in investing because they think God’ll supply our future needs? Or believes investment is a result of lack of trust in God? You’ll be shocked that some believe investing is a sin.
11. Does your intended believe in tithing or sowing seeds? You better ask and be clear. Also, find out if (s) he sows at random to church and how okay you’re with this. I know someone who went to sow her car and her wedding gift (N5m from her parents) to church. You’ve to be clear if your partner is a gullible sower or a reasonable sower.
12. What manner of unreasonable financial obligations are demanded from you? Some men demand that their wives submit their monthly earnings or profits to them. Be clear he’d do the same for you too or you’re comfortable with this.
13. Are you expected to be financially responsible for external people from your intended’s family? Ensure you’re clear on what other financial obligations are expected from you? Paying her siblings school fees? Buying a house for your in-laws? Or sending monthly allowance to members of some extended family?
14. What other aspects of making money is a sin to you both? Some people believe betting or gambling is a sin while some don’t mind. Are you sure you both share same views?
15. What kind of financial system did your partner grow up to know? Our family traditions have a way of shaping our views, negatively or positively. Find out if your partner grew up in a patriarchal home or not and which system would work in your home.
16. How much effort can he make to earn more? A complacent man would ruin you if you’re the type who is a go- getter. Can he hustle (legitimately) to make more money? Or is he very complacent with settling for status quo? A woman told me her hubby doesn’t mind her earning as much, but he’d never look for better opportunities to increase the 70K he receives monthly. Find out.
17. What are your partner’s views of taking loans? While some people believe in taking loans for huge projects, some wouldn’t. Ensure you know or ask as this can be a source of friction.
18. Are you both going to buy properties in your hubby’s name, your own name or both?
Does (s) he believe in joint or sole ownership of assets?
19. Does your partner have concerns about earning more than you? As a man, having a woman earn more than you, does it hurt your ego or self-esteem? I’d advise a woman whose intended hurts from her higher pay never to proceed with such a man.
20. Who’s going to be your NOK? (Next Of Kin) and who’s going to be your intended’s?
Some men would make their siblings their NOK. This means that if your partner dies intestate, the distribution of the properties or money go to relatives. Are you okay with this?
As you discuss these relevant questions, pay attention to details, watch out for body language and listen attentively.
These questions are intended to expose as many gray areas as possible so that you can discuss, come to a compromise or walk away.
Are all this worth it? I think if you’re going to be deliberate about who you wanna spend your life with, you shouldn’t take this for granted.