Friends With Benefits OR No Strings Attached

Friends with benefits

No, they are definitely NOT the same concept. FWB (Friends with benefits) is far distinct from NSA (No strings attached). You want to see?

We are ALL in some ways into FWB. This part of the world is just very uninformed and crude. We only see FWB as sex, sex, sex, another sex, sex again, and that sex. Even our parents are FWBs. This is because we create inter-human relationships because there is something we like, love, or admire about the other person.

As a matter of fact, one of the FIRST questions our subconscious tries to answer before we give in to someone is the ” what’s in it for me ” question. ” What do I have to gain”, ” why should I be with him/her?”. The positive answer we have is the “BENEFIT” we get. Nobody loves anyone unconditionally, humans are incapable of that. Proof of this is that we move on when people stop caring for us or loving us or if they never did at all.

If you were an unconditional lover, you’d never move on, but you do move on some 3 to 7 months later. So you see? We keep loving because they keep loving us.

Note however that FWB does not have to include sex. Although in today’s world, it’s major theme is sex but it really does not have to be. A friend of mine was FWB with a string of ladies in his hostel. He helps them iron their clothes and they feed him. Being an average guy who can’t cook, he entered into a contract with them, presses their clothes on weekends & they, in turn, see to his feeding all through the week. That is a basic FWB scenario. You don’t have to bone ( **straff**, screw, nack, etc) each other. You can be there for financial, emotional, academical or even spiritual needs.

One of the things we get wrong in the FWB cases that includes sex is when we say:

” We will just be screwing each other, don’t catch feelings abegi”.

If that is the case, then what you are into is NSA (no strings attached. NSA is when you simply meet, off each other’s pant and do the coital thingy. But in FWB it’s okay if you have emotions in it. You are there for each other’s sexual needs or other types of benefits and it’s very hard for you to fight back emotions. Sex and good food can make you catch feelings. It’s very hard to fight it off so one of you could begin to develop an attachment. This is very normal and okay. Unless you are not attaching any strings. But if you are into FWB, be prepared for anything as your FWB relationship could evolve into a full blown committed relationship. You will just wake up one day to find out that you aren’t looking elsewhere again, you are okay with this person and you get committed.

Furthermore, to be safe, it is of great rudiment (importance) that you know what you are saying “YES” to. Many people say yes and agree to NSA thinking they are doing FWB. They get emotional and the other person dumps them, leaving them broken. If you are into FWB, FEELINGS ARE ALLOWED. NSA has to be played by stricter rules. Once again, clearly define what you want to get into and be fully aware that the other person isn’t manipulating you into having their needs met.

Finally, NEVER you get into FYB or NSA with your saviour. Your saviour is a close and intimate individual in your life who is there for you and helps you out in times of great despair. FWB and NSA relationships can get messed up due to misunderstanding or lack of emotional intelligence and maturity on the part of one or both parties. You want to make sure you are still in contact with someone who is always there to rescue you. So, don’t do such with them.

About The Writer - El Ifelola

El Ifelola is a Law Student, Writer, Researcher, Life and Social Relationships Coach and a lover of God. Reading, Ifelola loves researching, talking to, enlightening and motivating people. He stands for self-identity and strength and Godliness.


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