Makinde 'Braincac' Teniola: Blame Game

I saw a movie recently, where this guy was pestering a girl for a date, he was so confident with this. However, the girl kept saying No before she eventually said yes. They went out for the first date in a restaurant where she told the guy outrightly that he is a player, she is aware that he is only after sex, the guy did not deny that fact.

Immediately after the date, they ended up at the lady’s place and had wild and passionate sex. Few weeks later, the guy ‘ghosted’ her completely, stopped visiting and deleted her from his social media platforms. Could you believe the girl dared to cry, called all men evil, claiming he broke her heart?

She already knew the kind of person he was, but she deluded herself into believing that he could change for her. She was actually attracted by his confidence, the ability to start a conversation.

She was quite aware of the guy’s love for women, but allowed the guy to perform exactly what he was known for, now she’s angry and sad and she had the gut to take it out on all men, isn’t that absurd?

Now I have seen this happen over and over again not to see the pattern; women love confident men, a smooth talker, that guy that possess the ability to sweep them off their feet.

This impression is passed down from generation to generation, we see it every time in movies and read about it in novels but here’s the obvious flaw in that notion; the confident and smooth man wasn’t born that way, it takes practice and experience to be able to just walk up to a girl and start a conversation and “wow” her in the process, it takes months of listening to your family, colleagues and experienced people around you. It takes a lot of reading books like “how to woo a lady ” or ” how to make a lady fall in love”.

It takes a lot of trying out what you’ve read and probably being rejected by a lady or two before the guy eventually gets better, that’s why it is easy to walk into a midst of ladies and converse freely, enabling the guy to woo and flirt with all sorts.

Now ladies, do you think a man goes through all this trouble just to ask out one girl? Do you think such a guy doesn’t know he possess what a girl wants? Don’t you think he will take advantage of this fact? Of course he will and if such a guy should break your heart, please cry if you want to but don’t even dare blame “men” for your ill fate, how about you blame yourself for buying the lie that a guy must sweep you off your feet, or that a guy must say and act in a kind of way before you can deem him fit to be your partner.

Everyday you meet that guy that always look at you with adoration, he will come up to you to talk but he’s always short of words, it’s usually like he can’t breathe when he’s around you, your friends tells you he’s probably in love with you and doesn’t know how to say it but you ignore and retort that he’s not your type, he’s not confident enough he doesn’t even know how to interact with a girl but when the so called confident and smooth guy breaks your heart you cry foul and generalize by calling all men animals.

The truth is 90% of confident men are players, he might talk to you and make you feel like a princess but that doesn’t mean 30 minutes after he’s not doing the same thing with another lady after all it’s now his second nature to flirt and chat up ladies.

This is the kind of guy you’ll introduce to your friends and 10 minutes later he’s already comfortable talking to them, you can read it in their eyes that they wish he was theirs. This makes you happy because you have what they wish they had but you act surprised and hurt when you catch him some weeks later in bed with one of your friends.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it is bad to be attracted to a confident man but when you’ve been burnt more than once, it’s a sign not to pick up a hot stove with your bare hands, maybe it’s time you give that shy guy a chance, maybe it’s time you care to hear what he has to say. He might not be confident and smooth but you’ll be his confidence and that’s everything.