Sometimes, long-term relationships can become so routine, that you lose all of the love and passion and excitement. It just feels so normal and common that the butterflies disappear and you just start being with each other out of habit.
This can put a serious strain on a relationship, as you really need that passion to keep a relationship alive. So, if you feel like your relationship or marriage is stagnating, here are a couple of ways to spice things back up.
Break the Routine
As we said, the main reason passion gets lost is that everything becomes a routine, from brushing your teeth to sex. It’s time to break that cycle and shake things up.
Have a completely unplanned dinner date at home on a weeknight. Take a day off work and just spend it rolling around in bed all day. Surprise your partner with a sexy lingerie set one night.
Do whatever you can to break the regular routine of your life without completely disrupting your lives. These things might become habits themselves, and when that happens – do this all over again and break those habits too.
Keep everyone on their toes and guessing what exciting things could come next, just like at the beginning of the relationship.
Explore Your Fantasies
We all have some fantasies. Perhaps we blurted them out at the very beginning of our relationship and perhaps we’ve been keeping them secret for years, afraid of our partner’s reaction.
But these fantasies shouldn’t just live within you – you should share them. But talking about these things is scary and sometimes embarrassing, so here’s a trick: Both of you should write down the sex dreams you have for a week or a month.
You can read more here to find out how to bring about those dreams. Then, give the other person to read what you wrote down. This way, there’s a barrier, because you’re not just saying your fantasies, there’s the “protection” of the dream, so you can always say that just because you dreamt it, doesn’t mean you want to try that.
When you read the dreams of the other person, have a talk about those things, and discuss whether it’s something you’d like to try.
Visit a Sex Shop
That’s it. Even if you don’t buy anything, just going there and seeing all the options you have will make you think about all the options there are that you haven’t explored.
And if you are going to buy something, remember that you can start very small, like with a feather or a blindfold.
Do you even remember the time when every intimate encounter was just so much fun? When you should laugh and joke, have fun, and explore each other?
Bring that back! It’s all in the mind. If you’re having trouble relaxing and letting loose, try getting a game that will give you prompts or things to talk about and try out. This will give you a nudge in the right direction to start having some fun again.
If you’ve talked about the state of your relationship, and you’ve agreed to try some of the things we mentioned here, it can feel like a lot of pressure.
You might feel like now you have to do these things, and it will take all the spontaneity and intimacy out of it. This is something you really have to avoid because it can have the opposite effect and lead to arguments or even pushing each other further away.
To avoid this, make sure you are emotionally connected, not just physically – check in with each other and care for each other.
It’s in the Little Things
Spicing up your relationship doesn’t have to be something big and dramatic – it can be as small as touching their waist when you pass next to them in the bedroom, or kissing them while they’re making dinner, or leaving a spicy note in their bag before they go to work. It’s these details that will slowly stoke the flames of your relationship and really bring you back together.
Lastly, remember that consent is just as important in a long relationship as it is in a new one, so make sure you’re checking in with each other and paying attention to each other’s needs – communications is always key.
Not every relationship needs to have spice, but as soon as you feel like it’s turning bland – do something about it to make sure you don’t reach the point where you feel like there’s no going back.