11 Scary Things You Should Know About Lagos

“MI THOMAS graduated from the University of Maiduguri and had brief stints as a show host with Globe FM 98.5 then a co-host of a musical show on BRC2 94.6. He is the founding editor of Sambisa Reports and a contributor at TrendingAfrique. 

His credits include two works of non-fiction- Milestones (memoir); Maiduguri: the untold stories. He has also written over 500 love poems, dozens of scripts for screen and theatre and is copyright owner to several photographs.”

“He lives in Lagos with his friends, Allen Amadi and Prince Aboh.

In this interesting piece, Miles shares with us scary things you should know about Lagos. We found it interesting and we hope you do too.

1. Lagos and uncivilized behaviours.

One of the first things you hear here is “Ah, shine your eyes o, red eye”. People are encouraged to act like thugs, urchins…yell and speak at the top of their voices, dress shabbily and do everything through confrontation and gragra motor park behavior. They would say to you “Be acting calm and normal and see what would happen to you. In Lagos, you have to be mad”

2. Lagos promotes dishonesty

Outright stealing and cheating are encouraged under the guise of “sharpness”. Shop owners, food vendors, and their likes would deliberately withhold your change and either never remind you if you don’t ask for it or keep saying “no change o”. Smh

3. Lagos promotes and sells mediocrity

From movies to music (what the hell is Macaro macaroni eh macaroni as lyrics of a song?). Not so much emphasis on excellence and quality but quantity backed up by massive promotion and endorsement.

4. Bunch of hypocrites everywhere in Lagos

You must greet people as this is Africa and respectful….Is it African to walk semi-naked in the name of civilization? People dress anyhow even to Church in the name of fashion and sophistication….and tell you to “mind your business”. Smh

5. Lagos people would go to church with a coffee mug sipping tap water and pressing their phones…. loudly chewing gums all through service

Those of you that don’t are seen as “close-minded” and “uptight”. Which Angel are y’all trying to impress because sure hell it ain’t God.

6. Lagosians would be quick to tell you they are sophisticated and educated but still, in this 2019, do “short put” poisoning the atmosphere.

And they still burn people alive here in broad daylight. Sophisticated barbarism. Nice one!

7. Lagos…… It has one of the most horrible drainage systems in all the major African cities. Dirty beaches so much that the water is not ocean blue. Weed sellers, alcohol bottles etc. on a beach! Let’s not even mention the loud music.

8. Nobody respects zebra crossing in Lagos. There are no route for emergency vehicles- ambulance and fire services but they have BRT lanes.

“Ah, Oga which emergency again. I no dey give road, we are all in a hurry”

And that’s how many accident patients died on the road. Check with NEMA and NBS for yourself

9. Sophisticated……really?

Most Lagosians I have met both online and offline are very ignorant of the country. To most of them, Lagos is all that is of Nigeria. Ask them something basic about any other part of Nigeria and find out.

Little wonder Gbenga Olawepo Hashim ran for Presidency without realizing that Nigeria extends to Yobe and Gombe thinking it starts from Yaba and ends in Ikorodu. Nice one!

10. Fake life. Fake people. Fake prophecies

…all codenamed “Packaging” and actively encouraged……. ‘Nuf said, really

11. Facially beautiful girls with zero sense and empty brains

The guys are worse off, some belong to a class they proudly call “Yoruba Demons”. The rate of divorce after 6 months is highest in the country.

Do you agree with these? Let us know your thoughts.