As much as I love to attend weddings; the glitz, glamour, display of wealth and subtle smirks on the single ladies is often times nauseating to me rather than appealing.
Some weddings I attend makes me feel weddings are overrated! I bet some of you would agree with me, yea?
The way we set budget for weddings, the display of expensive aso-ebis, friends shout out on social media, love letters moving ‘uppandan’ sometimes gives me the notion that the more ‘expensive’ and elaborate the weddings, the more lasting the union will be. Farce, you say?
A lot of young ladies believe having an expensive wedding or highly explosive honeymoon will make divorce less easier and create more husband/wife togetherness. I laugh in Spanish, you better wake up!
Away from the euphoria of having an expensive, highly publicized wedding, your marriage should now be your utmost priority, an aspect of your life where total concentration, full dedication is needed.
I have therefore decided to drop these advice for the newly wedded which would guide them in the course of early married life.
1. Advice from different people
People see an early marriage as an opportunity to offer advice to the couple. Some of these advice are meaningless and riled with so much self centeredness, by the time you begin to wrap your head around them, they bring in more danger than its true intention.
Take for instance, there is this new proclamation that newly wedded brides should ‘Always ask their husbands to help out with kitchen chores and ‘Not allowing the husbands’ family to live in the couple’s house’. Do not listen to these soar of advice. It is better to listen to how your parents advice on issues. They are married for so long, therefore their advice will come in handy in dealing in early marriage sustainability.
2. Learn to make compromises
‘My husband argues a lot, I will argue too’ This is one of the major headliners of headaches in marriages. Nowadays, marriage has become a competition. The lady will be claiming to be head of the family! Is that supposed to be the case?
When you argue with your husband and he doesn’t seem willing to let go or calm down, just be the fool. It is certain that in some cases he may be the wrong fella in this case. However for peace in the home, I’d advise that you just keep quiet and allow the ranting to subside! Later on, you can dialogue with your husband in order to allow peace to reign. Sort out these issues between yourselves, and I bet you would have a better bonding married life.
3. Let your private matters be private
I cannot reiterate this enough! Sort your issues in your marriage privately! The Yoruba people will say that, ‘ if the walls that guides your marriage does not crack, then the lizard will not be able to crawl in’ the sustainability of your marriage depends on the ability to sort issues, and not on the interference of outsiders.
I have seen quite a number of newly wedded brides rush to their parents’ house in the name of seeking solace. Some will even rush to their friends house for advice. This may not be the solution most times, rather than helping the marriage, they just fuel and aggravate the matter! Some no do googers will leverage on your vulnerability and naivety to wreck havoc. Be guided, be careful.
4. Let you extended family be your immediate family
I have been in the company of numerous ladies who believe the ‘Me and my Husband’ type of marriage. I tell you dear, be quick to love your husband’s family as it serves as the bane of every fulfilling marriage.
This guy was trained for about 30 years before he got married to you, you have to be careful here, you can’t just expect to pull him off the whims of his family. Some of these guys have responsibilities, and you shouldn’t expect that he leaves those responsibilities simply because he got married to you.
5. It is now ‘US’ and not just ‘YOU’
Away with the self-centredness, as an independent woman you are used to doing things your own way. Coming back from work when you please, going for parties, weekend groove with girlfriends. Now, you are a married woman, you need to refocus and re-align your thoughts.
You would need a reasonable readjustment to these new things and then learn to place your marriage first. Consider your spouse in your decisions, it is really key!
6. Have good sex
This is one major cause of boring marriages nowadays. As you grow into the marriage, both persons become preoccupied with more demands thereby ignoring the very sensitive aspect of their marriage.
Some marriages even let delicate issues like fulfilling sexual life slide when they start child bearing. I could remember back in the days, I do tell my girlfriend, ‘your boobs are going to be solely mine when we eventually marry, I may decide to borrow my kids for a little while, but they are mine!’ This is how kinky and naughty I can be, and this is done to continually stimulate my relationship.
Regardless of how busy you and your spouse are. Endeavor to make out time and have mind blowing sex or ‘love making’ as it is. You now belong to him true and true.
Spice your sex life up. Ladies are known the be the less subtle when it comes to a demanding sexual drive. My dear, take the initiative, be more demanding, don’t allow the traditional sex styles to diminish your sex life. Create time for sex, it could be anywhere, anytime, any position, winks! Be the architect and the designer…of the drive!
7. Plan for the future
It is important that things are done collectively now and not individually as before. Play your part as the woman in the house, support your husband.
Think about your respective finances, dwell more on the longevity of your savings and look out for more investments. Men appreciates finance savvy wives. Be that financial savvy wife, save for the future. Help him to keep within budget, be a shrewd and calculative wife. The growth of the marriage is certain.
8. Explore each other’s interests
‘My husband is a supersports addict, I am a fan of Telemundo on CableTV. He would need to get me another TV while he watches his football’. Do not act like this all the time. Learn to be a part of what he likes, even if you don’t really enjoy doing it.
You don’t really have to like it, but you can as well support what his interests. My mom is now a die hard Chelsea supporter, even though she never liked watching football back in the days. I could remember them that she doesn’t usually have a choice when in a house filled with 4 men with you being the only woman. She developed interest in the game and later fell in love with it.
Also, look out for something you enjoy doing together and establish yourselves in that regard. Build the connection and I assure you, your marriage is on its way to being fulfilling.
9. Put God first
In everything you do, remember your creator. He is the start and finish in all marriages. Always look up to him for guidance and advice as he is everything. Turn to him whenever you seem to be in trouble and disconsolate. Seek for enlightenment in his word all the time.s
This article was inspired by the movie ‘WAR ROOM’. It’s a must see for newly married couple out there!
Marriages are not same, they are as beautiful as yet complicated, some things may apply in your family as they may not apply in others. I would have loved to add more, but I’d leave it to you my aweomes Blogreaders. Do you have more tips and advice. Add in the comment section below.