I have been married for about a year now and something has really changed about my sex life. That is to say, there is a noticeable difference between having sex as a bachelor and now as a married man, and this I intend to share with you.
Understanding sex drives is important. While I was single, I never understood this. All I wanted to do was prove a point. Sex was like a trophy to be won. The belief was, the longer you stay while having sex, the better you will be at keeping that relationship.
LOL. Did it work? Of course not. Ladies that are married now will not tell you the major reason why they got married to that guy was that he was prolific in bed. Or was it?
There is no timetable for sex
Studies have shown it that spontaneous sex makes a relationship last longer. For marriage, it even works better. Sex should not be defined.
Sex should be spontaneous
Oya DeeDee, let’s get into the room and I will lay on my back. Who does that?
Let it be anywhere, kitchen, bath, living room!
While I was single, sex was a feat.
Imagine if your girlfriend is coming and you had gone to drink Opa-Eyin to ensure that libido is on another level! Back then, na anywhere belle face! Knowing fully well that you may not know the next knack would come.
Na where e meet you, you dey do am!
Why do you need to be monotonous than spontaneous?
See the difference?
Sex is more emotional than physical
Sex is not about digging in and out really. Sometimes the level of pleasure and intimacy you will get from digging in and out can be gotten by just being together, cuddling, and maybe getting into some other level of intimacy than sex.
Wifey has always complained about me not spending enough time with the family. I know one of what she is stylishly telling me is to spend more time with her. Sometimes, she just wants to kiss, cuddle and talk.
When I was single, spending more time with my babe means just one thing – Sex! LOL!
Focus more on the environment than the act
Oh, this is my favourite part. while I was single, I focused more on the physicality of sex rather than the environment that sets the tune. I focused more on learning new tricks and styles. All those crazy Kamasutra positions, meanwhile setting the tone was actually more important.
One of our fantasies was to have sex on the beach. To do this, we never focused on the style but the environment. Talking about has been super fun on its own, which was different from when I was single.
Back then, it was anywhere Belle face, Konji issa Bastard!
Maintenance sex is a must!
Whether or not you are in the mood for sex, it is important for you to turn up for your partner. Being single can make you think you only have sex when you want to, but the minute you are married, even if you are not in the mood and your partner is, have sex!
It is more like, I no wan do, but once you start, you go enjoy am!
Get what I mean?
Sex soothes, it calms
This part eh.
Sex is relaxing. I’ll tell you how I came about this. I realized I was not in competition with anyone. Back then it was a question of how long I lasted. How well I grinded. You know, sex was like a trophy to be won.
You see now? Nobody dey run go anywhere. We die here, so why not take it slow and steady? The psychology behind understanding that you are with the partner for life puts you in the position that sex should be enjoyed and as such it calms!
Whenever I am stressed and tensed, I just have sex. It is very therapeutic.
There is less sex when you are married
This is entirely true.
Lifestyle, social and family issues arise when you are married. You are not only building a nuclear family, but you are also relating with the extended, trying to up your social status and also playing your part in building a better society, sex gradually becomes more of a secondary thing to deal with in marriage.
The reason why I mentioned spontaneity back then.
Marriage is a whole different ball game from when you are single, and as such whenever we have sex, we spend time on it, because we really never know when the next one will come. *chuckles*.
Do not get carried away
Couples become too carried away when they are married that they spend less time taking care of their bodies. Why do you think people just grow obese when they are married instead of staying fit like when they were single.
I had to make a mental note of this to get myself back to full fitness and also advised my wife to do same because we were gradually losing our bodies to marital life!
Children are distractions
I remember when we wanted engage in some coital activity sometimes back. Do you know that just as we are about to start, our baby was up and staring at us? LMAO! We had to stop.
Try to create an avenue for having great sex especially when babies start arriving! They are distractions and if efforts are not made, could hamper couples’ sex lives.
Finally, sexual compatibility is very VERY important. Understanding sex drives and sexual opinion should be discussed.
If you are both on a chastity journey as singles, please try other ways of intimacy than sex. I can tell you for free that a lot of problems in marriage arise from not having an adequate understanding of compatibility and sexual fantasies.
Got any additions, questions or feedback? I’ll be in the comments.