Counseling Tips

Disadvantages of Marriage Counseling

Disadvantages of marriage counseling: It baffles me when I came across this topic and therefore decided to write on it. Ordinarily, marriage counseling should be expected to be free of disadvantages; however, you must recall that everything that has advantages has disadvantages.

I made mention of a similar instance of a bad marriage counseling in one of my articles titled: Benefits of Marriage Counseling. In as much as you are not careful selecting your marriage counselor, you will definitely cause more harm than good. This is exactly where the idea of the disadvantages of marriage counseling arises.

What makes people want to go for Marriage Counseling?

Of course, we need to understand why we go for marriage counseling. It is after the counseling that problem may arise or may result in a positive impact on the marriage. Couples decide to go for marriage counseling as soon as they experience a problem in it. They often have the good intention to find a solution for the problems occurring in their marriage. However, if you

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

Of course, marriage counseling works. It is a set of rules governed by certain knowledge. A professionally strategized idea through which issues of marital problems are settled based on intellectual authority. It is this same truth that brings about the disadvantages detected in marriage counseling. The couples often make the mistake of identifying counselors as miracle workers. This makes the case process of some marriage counseling even worse. The couples feel relax and expect that the therapist has some superpower to fix their marriage issue without the support.

Let us talk look at the possibility of marriage counseling having negatives

1. Couples may feel too relax on the Counselor

Most of the counselors are professionals, well trained and they know their job. However, in most cases, the marriage, instead of it to save the marriage causes more harm to it. This is as a result of the couples being too reliant on the therapist. They don’t in any way support the therapist to carry out his or her job as supposed. What happens to a marriage when there is no needed cooperation between the client and the therapist?

Definitely, it will be a waste of time and effort. As a couple, you don’t need to feel too relax, you must cooperate with your counselor. Don’t hide any information from him. Reveal whatever you have on your mind to him or her so that confidentially, it will be observed and a solution will be provided accordingly. Always remember, the counselor is not a prophet of a God that can see what you don’t reveal. Hiding anything for him or she means you are expecting them to perform a miracle.

2. You Might end up picking the Wrong Counselor

There is this fact you must take note of—it is not everyone who claims to be a counselor that is really a counselor. I made mention of what to look in choosing a marriage counselor in one of my articles titled what to look for in a marriage counselor. Kindly read the article before you proceed with this one. It will guide you on how to choose the right counselor for your marriage counseling. Failure to select the right counselor is a plan to destroy your marriage. I pray you will not nearly strangle the counselor afterward.

3. A counselor without empathy

You need someone to act as a mediator between you and your spouse but at the end, you ended up inviting an emotional bomb. This is one big disadvantage you will not like to risk. A counselor must have self-awareness and the ability to feel pain as his or her patient feel. He must be emotionally sound and then must be the type that works with his brain rather than emotion. If you are not lucky at this level, you may end up inviting a counselor who cannot see things the way you view them. Tell me how such a therapist will provide a solution for your marital problem.

4. A predetermine decision for divorce

Marriage counseling sometimes will not work and the reason being that one of the couples might have made up their mind to end the marriage no matter what anyone says. Remember, a marriage counselor is not a priest or miracle worker. He is more of a guide rather than a marriage fix. He can’t fix your marriage, the continuation of your marital status depends on you the couples. This is one big reason why marriage counseling does not work in some cases.

5. May weaken your commitment to your spouse

Remember, counselors are humans; they also have their opinion generated from their level of understanding of the situation. In relation to what I mentioned about picking the wrong counselor, you might end up been counseled by a therapist who will suggest that you quit your marriage. This kind of statement should not be altered by any counselor but unfortunately, it occurs. The truth is that, if you tried to protest against their suggestion for divorce, they quickly deny they are not asking you to divorce that it is only a suggestion.

Truly, it could be just a mere suggestion to help you free your mind of sorrow but it is also advisable to firstly suggest some guides for you to relate well with your spouse. If a counselor is not careful of what he alters during a session with you, there is a possibility that he will destroy your marriage rather than helping it.

This is one of the disadvantages of marriage counseling. However, I am not saying that marriage counselors are bad people, it is their profession and they have to follow the principles involved. A counselor should learn to communicate effectively and ensure that whatever he or she alters does not in any way negatively affect the client’s marriage.

6. What if the counselor does not believe in your opinion

If you are not lucky, and you invited a counselor that is not ready to reason with you. That’s he lacks communication skills, he or she cannot listen well to your body language to understand your situation as you do. This will cause you more harm to the marriage because there is no time the counselor will not give you the wrong suggestion. A good counselor is expected to have a high sense of understanding of the situation, human psychology and how to relate with people linguistically without them misunderstanding him.

7. The level of the counselor training really matters

Is your counselor really qualified to handle your marriage issue? Is he or she a licensed counselor who has gone through several hours of supervision and field work under the supervision of a professional counselor? These are some of the questions you should ask before you invite a counselor into your marital issue, otherwise, you will have invited a knockout as a therapist. Be careful in this aspect, so that your marriage will still remain pending when you finally find a real and reliable counselor.

8. What if the therapist reveals hidden problems between you and your spouse

There is every possibility that a therapist may reveal some hidden problems between you and your spouse which instead of serving as a solution to your problem ended up causing more havoc to the marriage. there is some issue that is better left un-touch than revisiting it, but due to the fact that counselors are also human, imperfect creatures, they may reveal it to the spouse in the report sheet. This may cause separation between the spouses.

Advantages of Marriage Counseling

It is traditionally accepted by everyone that everything that has a disadvantage also has an advantage. Let’s look into the advantages of marriage counseling against the disadvantages. If you have been reading the dark side of marriage counseling from this article so far, you may be scared of even attempting it.

However, I want to assure you that the benefits of marriages counseling make it worth trying 100%. Here are the advantages of marriage counseling

1. It builds the bond between the couples

Couples will find a long time to rapport with each other, especially when the counselor is a professional who knows his or her job to the core. A counselor who understands that his or her work is to lead the marriage rather than just issuing guides will play a vital role in reconciling the couples. Through the series of sessions of interactions between a couple and the therapy will increase the level of their bonds. They will get to know each other better and figure out mature ways to avoid future conflicts that may occur between them.

2. Marriage counseling will enhance your communication skill

Apart from helping the couple get along together, it will also serve as a means for the enhancement of the communication skills between the couples. For instance, if the couple does not listen to each other’s say before now, after the counseling, each of them will have understood their faults and then make an amendment. I always emphasize that one of the most important aspects of a relationship is good communication. If you get it wrong, such a relationship will be crumbled in no time.

3. It will make both of you know each other better

Before you can get along with something, you must have known the in and out of it. The same thing applies here. You will never be at peace with your spouse until you understand him or her. How much do you know your spouse? Your counselor will dig out those hidden characteristics you don’t know about your spouse if it will be necessary to keep your marriage stronger.

4. It will expose you to dos and don’ts of marriage

As far as I am concerned, marriage cannot work when being managed by inexperienced couples. This has always been the problems of most young couples. They don’t even understand both man and woman psychology. They don’t understand the nature of their gender. A counselor’s work in this aspect is to teach and guide them on what to do when a certain situation arises. He serves as their guardian rather than suggesting. He must understand that he can’t play a neutral role in this kind of issue. Just as a father or mother will do, the counselor should be able to expose the young couples to what is right and what is wrong in a marriage. This is a way up, a good benefit of marriage counseling.

5. It checks your lapses and helps fix them

Every human cannot escape this. We all have our lapses which in one way or the other affects our relationships with others around us. If this is your case in marriage, sorry to say, you are doom. You must fight any bad attitude that causes conflict between you and others. A sure way to get to the middle course curing such attitude is getting a counselor. He will observe you and determine if you only need therapeutic advice or a mental health treatment in order to further save your marriage. This is indeed, a good advantage of marriages counseling.

6. It will help you carry out your plans together properly

How do I mean? After the marriage counseling, each couple must have tender their opinion about their tastes. The counselor must have in one way or the other find a way to reconcile the diverse opinion and then provide for you a way to sit down to carry out a plan together. For instance, both of you can sit down to talk about the kind of school you want your kids to attend. What kind of hospital do you both wish to be receiving your medical treatment and many other small issues which when taken for granted may affect the marriage.

7. It helps you avoid future conflict

Now that you have known each other to some extent, it is time to apply what you learned about each other. Remember, application of knowledge is better than knowledge itself. Your new knowledge of each other will help you avoid what may trigger a fight or quarrel when done. However, most of these principles work only when the couple is really sincere and ready to end the conflict between them.

8. You will learn how to forgive and reunite

Every counselor should be a leader. He or she should be a navigator of a ship going towards the wrong coast. If you carefully invited a professional therapist to look into your marital matter, at the end of the counseling, you will have learned how to forgive and reunite not only with your spouse but humanity at large. You will be convinced, through effective communication and conversation that it worth forgiving and reuniting that keeping the wound of anger in your heart.

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