Sad Love Series 7: Emotional Encounter With A 30 Year Old Single Woman

Welcome to the inspiring and amazing episode 7 of Sad Love Series.

There are no fast rules to having an amazing and roller coaster life. In fact there are no rules to life at all. Life going rosy and enjoyable may take a sharp fast turn and set off ugly in the most unfortunate way possible.

A lot of us are the victims of our life choices, and while some may resort to bad ways of dealing with what life throws at them, some take life heads on and deal with life situation positively. I have here a story of a 30 year old single mother, who beat all odds of stigmatization and hustle to train her 10 year old child.

This is her STORY:

I was 20 years old when I got pregnant.

The father of my child is a musician. We met a friend’s birthday party in my previous place of residence about 10 years ago. We started going out and then we became lovers. Not long after we engaged in love making.

I was five months pregnant before I knew I was pregnant as I menstruating but it was not heavy at that time and I thought it was because I was stressed due to my admission into the University. The baby father was angry and asked if I used Postinor2 then, which I did not use.

I went for a test at the hospital only to realize I was five freaking months gone. I was shocked and disappointed but then I was responsible for my life choices, and the best was to come to terms with the pregnancy.

Parents?

My mum wasn’t really angry but my dad was so he sent me out of the house, and I had to go and stay with my aunt for few days.

Abortion?

Oh Yes, I tried aborting, No lies. I did, but the conditions around it then seemed too much because I still had the fear of God and the only song that played around me then was Tope Alabi’s song which talked about aborting and dying in the process.

Guess God had seen all as the Alpha and Omega. Some men of God ministered to me at that time that if I ever think of removing the babe, I may lose my life in the process and the child will stay because she has a mission!

Hmmmn…That was when I knew it was a girl baby that was in my tummy.

Challenges faced

It’s not been easy but God has been good. My aunt told me initially that people would only talk about me for a year and forget about me so think that gave me courage to stand up to the stigmatization.

Plans for the daughter

My plans for her are of good just like God’s plan for every of His children. I plan to give her the best of everything within my capacity. Truthfully it’s hasn’t been easy because of people’s perception that maybe you were promiscuous without even knowing a thing about your history.

About relationship and stigmatization

I met a guy in our church. We became friends and then we got more serious. Immediately the sister noticed this, all hell broke loose and she told the guys parents all sort you could think of. He still claims he loves me and I should still hold on but his attitude says otherwise.

My daughter has a good relationship with him because he has always been around and they had talked heart to heart.

Though his mum and I have spoken and she has said if that’s his decision.then she doesn’t have a choice but to support him. It’s his dad that hasn’t come to terms with his decision. He sees me as a filthy promiscuous woman but I am not bothered, being a single woman is not death sentence. I wear my confidence on my arm because I have independently taken care of a girl for 10 years.

Was I ready for a baby at that time? No! But the baby came as an implication of the choices I made, and I realized I needed to carry my cross and work double hard to take care of us both.

I never regretted giving birth to the baby, because she has been my friend, my sister, over the years. We have built a connection that will take a responsible man, a hard time to get into. But the moment he gets into the connection we have built, then he has a great family already waiting for him.

What about Nigerian men asking you out?

See, all what a lot of guys want to do is to have sex. Even when you are a single teenage lady without a baby, they are not ready to be committed. They just want to sleep with you and move on, not to talk of when you are a single mom. They first play along hoping to get between your legs, and if eventually they don’t, they leave.

I meet guys and when I tell them I’m a single mom, they don’t believe at first and when they eventually do they disappear. So I had stopped being so fussed about wanting a relationship and later stopped introducing any guy to my daughter and I won’t till I’m sure of the guy. This was before I met the man I dated.

Do you have any words of advice, prayers, opinion for the mother of the child? Feel free to drop them in the comments.