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How to Fight Your Marital Battles With Patience, Wisdom and Maturity

How to Fight Your Marital Battles With Patience, Wisdom and Maturity – Yesterday, a blogger friend reached out to me with the intention of sharing certain important information after I shared a post on the #RANTHQ on Whatsapp. #RANTHQ is a social group on Facebook where members can RANT on anything from politics, lifestyle, relationships to marriage.

See the post published on #RANTHQ:

The the following discussion ensued between us:


F: I have this Aunty, she has just one kid for her husband. They are actually from different tribes. Her husband people sort of arranged a wife for the husband and he sort of fell into their trap. So, eventually, the lady had a child and the wife did not really say anything and she said the mother of the child should bring the child home but the mother of the child insisted the husband must marry her before she can bring the child home. The man’s mother also supported the other woman insisting that the husband must marry her legitimately before bringing the child home. Eventually the mother of the husband died.

During the burial the other lady came with her click of friends and all that, to form stunt and act legit.

But something happened!

They wanted to barge into man’s home full force during the burial and all but the wife having got wind of the arrival of the other lady, went to the gate to welcome them.

They were surprised when the wife hugged the other woman and she said.

My son’s mother, how are you and where is my son?

She responded that he was inside the car and she further asked, why was he inside the car, he should come and say Hi to his brother, cousins and nieces. She further said that the son of her husband is also her son, and he should not be secluded from the rest of the family.

So she went to introduce the wife to the caterers at the event and told everyone to meet her son’s mother. This infact defeated the lady because she was surprised that the wife could act in such a way to her.

That was the way I realised that some certain battles are fought and won in other ways than fighting, punching and tearing each other’s clothes.

Me: Hmm… Amazing. That’s a very mature woman. You know what I know? A lot Of girls nowadays lack patience. And that’s why a lot of marriages are destroyed even before they start.

F: I know right and very wise…

Me: Patience. Patience is everything. It doesn’t make you stupid, it only makes you a WINNER. Hmmmn… What did you learn from this?

F: If there’s ever anyone I would like to be like as a wife, it’s definitely her. You need to see the way she serves the husband. It’s so bad that if anyone else serves him, he knows it’s not his wife. And he doesn’t eat out… Not at friends, not at family, not even at his mother’s when she was alive…And his reason was, nobody can serve him as well as his wife does, So rather than eat elsewhere, he prefers to go to a restaurant and pick what he wants.

Me: Wow… What a man! But why succumb to family pressures (I further asked).  Fighting your battles silently with patience, wisdom and maturity. Battles like this are not fought vocally. Unfortunately we millennials don’t recognize that

F: Something I still don’t understand. But I bet the child came as a mistake… I knew way before the wife did though.. Like when the child was born. She knew about a year later. She cried, yeah she cried. But she still made food for him… She will always say no matter what troubles come, do not starve people of good food.

I am not sure they spoke the whole of that day but if you are not a very observant person, you won’t even notice. That weekend, he bought her a new car… 😂. She was still giving him silent treatment… She took car keys, said thank you and went back to watch TV. I pitied the husband though… He was like a frustrated teenager… I don’t know how but somehow they managed to get pass that. No one but us knew about the boy… Until the burial, that’s when people started asking questions and she simply said, he is her adopted son. She is an amazing woman and the husband obviously knows this because he treats her very well too.

Me: Now give me 5 key reasons why you think she is an amazing woman. Not because of what happened, but what you think generally

F: 1. She’s selfless…. She’s everybody’s mama Christmas.
2. She is very humble….
3. freaking hardworking….
4. She’s a good mother: She’s not my mum but I love her as much as I love my own mother.. She will teach, correct, offend, beat, annoy you but always with a reason and she’s the type that corrects with one arm and shows love with the other… Plus she’s open, she knows about my love life… 😂
5. She is such a badass cook. I am yet to come across anyone who can prepare stew or fisherman soup the way she does.


One of the major reasons why a lot of marriages nowadays are destroyed is because all of us lack patience. Patience to understand the partner before getting married, patience to deal with the drama that comes with marriage. To even stretch this a bit further is how we millennials now handle delicate situations. We do not own our minds, ourselves. We are too impatient, too immature, to desperate for answers and solutions, dis-regarding the fact that patience and maturity is still a winner anytime.

We are too swayed by external influence than finding answers and solutions to problems within and by ourselves. I am not supporting the cheating husband, mind you, but I need us all to read and see the implied meaning of my point from the above conversation I had with a blogger friend. Patience, Maturity in handling delicate situations with the help of God is a SURE WINNER!

See my point.

Fighting, swearing, cussing is never the solution to marital problems such as this. That conversation you read above is the SOLUTION! The lady passed an information that SCARES EVERY MAN to their bone marrows, and guess how she passed it. SUBTLY!

If you were in a situation like this woman found herself? What would you DO? I await your comments.

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  • Reply
    March 14, 2018 at 5:08 am

    This lady is a lot more intuitive and understanding than a lot of others. But then, I don’t particularly support her theory. She didn’t react, she only participated gently. Which is awesome, but hardly would you find temperaments built this way. Because naturally, humans are inquisitive and always probing. That’s how we solved a lot of problems till date, and that’s why answers exist to a lot also.

    Patience this way worked, because the husband was sound and he let his conscience move him. Also because of how things played at the end, and they don’t always do this way.

    Nevertheless, patience is a virtue

    Idle head

    • Reply
      Detola Deedee
      March 21, 2018 at 3:59 am

      Patience is indeed a virtue. Thanks a lot Oluchi.

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