Counseling Tips

How Soon Is Too Soon For Couple’s Therapy

How soon is too soon for couple's therapy

How soon is too soon for couple’s therapy? To know this, let’s first start with the definition of therapy.

According to the dictionary meaning of therapy, it is the treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder. It can also be referred to as the treatment of psychological disorders by psychological means.  However, apart from the dictionary definition, it has also been defined as the process whereby a patient or clients work with a licensed and professional therapist in order to develop thinking that is generally positive, coping skills and treat mental health-related health issues such as trauma and mental illness in general. How does therapy relate to couples?

If you go by the definition of therapy above, you will be wondering how it has to do with couples. Therapy ordinarily is beyond the scope of the basic definition above. It is wide. It has to do also with human behavior and this is exactly what makes it qualifies to be related to couples. The relationship involves two people with different backgrounds; therefore, for any relationship to work, a therapeutic approach should be applied.

Have you read this content – Signs that show you need a counselor.

Who are couples?

You may want to ask, who are couples or who is a couple. According to Merriam Webster’s dictionary, a couple is defined as two people who are married or who are in a romantic relationship.

In another definition, it is said to be two people or things that are together.  These two people may be married, engaged, or otherwise, romantically paired.  This is exactly what this topic will iron out—who consist of a couple and how soon should they go for therapy?

Signs that you need therapy in a relationship

You cannot jump into the conclusion that you or someone else needs therapy, whether in a relationship or in normal daily activities. You must have noticed some certain signs in a relationship before you decide to consider a therapist for counseling. I am going to list some of the sure signs you will experience before you decide whether you should go for relationship therapy.

Here are the signs that your relationship needs therapy

  1. When you realize that you fight almost every day: A healthy relationship should not be known with fight and misunderstanding all the time. A good relationship is expected to be free of grudges and abuse. If you experience fight and misunderstanding in your relationship, it is a quick notice that you need a therapist to work on you and your partner to save it.
  2. You are not always comfortable with each other: Why do we establish a relationship? Is it not for comfortability? In a situation whereby a relationship lacks its foundation, there is no need celebrating it as the dancing steps will not be appreciated by anyone.
  3. No matter how hard you try, nothing is always fine: A lot of us pretend in a relationship, thinking that by doing so will help it. For how long are you going to pretend that everything is fine? It is better to get the advice of a therapist to know what the next step to take is.
  4. Your view about life is different: You realized that your view about life or situations is different. Most of the time, this difference in view causes conflict between you and your partner. This signifies that you have to sit down to discuss your differences, and it can be done effectively only with a therapist. The couple should agree with each other to look for a counselor’s advice upon their relationship.
  5. Your tastes about life are different: This could mean that you want different things out of the relationship. If this is the problem you face in your relationship, you need a therapist to iron out the issue and then develop some positive strategies to purify your relationship.
  6. You don’t have time for your spouse: This shouldn’t happen in the first place in any relationship. This is because such attitude kills a relationship faster than a virus kills its host. It cuts off communication which is an essential part of any relationship. If you begin to experience this in your relationship, it is time for you to visit a therapist together with your partner.
  7. When you nag a lot in a relationship: Generally, nagging either by the male or female partner in a relationship should be prohibited. It does not help the relationship at all. Nagging brings quarrel, disrespect and in the end separation especially if one of the partners is the type that cannot take stress for too long.
  8. When you cannot put blame on yourself but rather blame each other for everything: Taking responsibility for some problems in a relationship will help it last longer. It is not ideal to blame each other for everything. There should be a day one of you should take responsibility for what happened so that you can handle it amicably. However, if you realize that you can’t do without blaming each other for everything, kindly look for a way to see a therapist for professional advice on what to do.
  9. You have tried almost everything to fix your relationship: You tried almost every method on your own to fix a relationship but all is not working. This is a sign that your relationship has reached that level it has to be examined by a therapist.
  10. You are beginning to be tired of each other for no reason: always, in the beginning, every relationship used to start well because we don’t know each other well but as time goes on we become more familiar with each other. Familiarity most of the time makes us take each other for granted. As soon as you begin to experience this in your relationship, it is time for you to visit a therapist.

When should you be ready for therapy?

Here comes the big question? How soon is too soon for couple’s therapy? Depending on the type of relationship, you find yourself and the situation involved. There are various relationships such as these ones listed below:

  • Marriage
  • Date relationship or Boyfriend and Girlfriend relation.

I intentionally stopped at date relationship since my aim is to elaborate more on both marriage and date relationship. In a dating relationship when should a couple seek therapy? In this situation, two reasons may involve before a couple decides to see a therapist. Firstly, if there is persistent conflict in the relationship and secondly, if the couples are planning to settle down together.

If the problem of your relationship involves conflict, in one way or the other, you must have experienced one of the above signs. It means you soon need to see a counselor to advise you on what to do.

However, if the situation involves you settling down with your partner, you will need to practice what is called ‘couple therapy’ specifically known as ‘premarital counseling’. It is under marriage counseling too. Marriage relationship when you should see a therapist: as soon as you begin to experience any of the above signs, it is time for you to see a therapist to help save your marriage. Marriage already is naturally full of conflicts that are meant to be resolved. Marital life is a battlefield and only true leaders can manage it. No wonder a married person is called a man or a woman disregarding their age. There is no doubt there will always be fight and misunderstanding in a marriage. All that it takes to handle this natural phenomenon is to be patient with each other. Patience is a therapeutic statement. When a problem persists, it is not going to help your marriage at all, so you need a therapist to carry out an investigation on the root of the problem and then find a strategic solution for you.

What are the common questions asked in a couple’s therapy?

I am quite sure that you must have been waiting for this part of the article. This is where the therapeutic treatment of any relationship lies. How does a licensed therapist carry out his or her therapy on couples? This is a question that must be answered. Sometimes or properly put, most of the time, you will need this type of information to guide you on what to expect when the need for couple therapy arises. I will mention some of the common questions presented to couples by a therapist in the process of finding a solution to their relationship conflict.  Here are the common questions:

What are your expectations for therapy:

Definitely, we do things for a reason. People come for couple therapy with a particular reason in mind. You must define your purpose for seeking for couple therapy. This will help your therapist quickly figure out what to do to help your situation. ·

Do you have a forecast for your relationship:

Allow your therapist to know the situation of your relationship. Don’t hide anything for him or her since they are professionally trained to keep any issue discussed as secret. Hiding truth for a therapist does not in any way help your relationship.

What are the most important problems:

The couple must figure out what the important issues are in their relationship so that they can carry out the necessary steps to settle their differences. Otherwise, there will always be misunderstanding and conflict. For instance, if you dislike something, you should quickly but carefully air it out for your spouse to know so that he or she will adjust to the situation in order to avoid an unnecessary fight. Sometimes, it could be that one of the couples is the egoistic type; it is advisable for any of them to choose between their ego and the relationship. ·

How do you feel in the relationship:

I often hear people say for better or worse? If you observe this statement carefully, it may be understood in different ways by different people. Some people may understand it to be that couple should stand for each other in any situation they find themselves while some may interpret it to be even when a relationship is already causing your death, is worth being in it. Anyway, I am not writing to antagonize any ideology but if how you feel in a relationship does not worth it. It is better you seek for the appropriate solution for it. You don’t need to pretend that everything is fine. Voice out and then see a therapist when necessary. ·

Have you ever cheated in your relationship:

A qualified therapist will ask you this question? Yes of course! Conflict may often arise if one of the couples has once cheated. This will be depending on the emotional level of the partners. Sometimes, one of the partners may find it extremely difficult to manage how they feel whenever they remember the cheating involved in the relationship and by so doing may trigger some unnecessary anger that could possibly cause a fight. Do you still trust each other?  This is why every couple should be careful in a relationship. You can try your best to ensure that you don’t break the trust involved between you and your partner. If you do, it will be difficult to gain it back. It is not that your partner does not want to trust you again but the fact remains that naturally, human finds it difficult to trust for the second time except very few of them. If any of you have once breached your trust, you will need a thorough couple therapy.

Can you tell your relationship history?

A therapist may also like to know the history of your relationship. How it started and the experiences in it over the months or years. This method will be used to dig into the root of your relationship so as to figure out the conflict and then find a lasting solution for it.

What about your in-laws’ how do they involve in your relationship:

No wonder it is said: “allow couple settles between themselves”. Most of the times, we allow general family issues affect our relationship with our spouse. This is a mistake from our side and must be handled appropriately. However, sometimes, our parents especially can also be a good influence on our relationship. Perhaps both parents are in mutual trust, respect, and tolerance with each other, there is a high possibility that couples will involve such qualities in their relationship too.

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