HOW TO SAY SORRY TO YOUR BOYFRIEND AFTER A FIGHT – Finding love is beautiful, being in love is awesome. The lovely moments and the unforgettable days. But like life itself, true relationships are fraught with challenges. A union of two imperfect individuals from different backgrounds coming together for something serious, there are bound to be issues and tensed moments.
Here, we want to give ladies tips on how to say sorry to your man after a quarrel
We make mistakes, everyone does, we get wired up and say hurtful things to our partner, we do awful things in the fit of anger. After a while, we realize we hurt those we truly love and don’t mean. We have to first right the wrongs by apologizing and owning up to our errors.
So, ladies, this is for you.
Having to say sorry and you mean it might be a hell of an effort to make, especially with our innate ego and pride.
We make mistakes, we talk in error, say things we do not mean and when our temper comes down, we wish we never said those words or made that move. But if you are truly sorry for your actions and you regretted all you did, a heartfelt, sincere apology shouldn’t be hard to come by.
So if you have a boyfriend you truly love but in a fight, you hurt him, either with words or actions but you feel sober about it and want to make it up to him, this piece is for you.
Here, we would be examining some steps and probably some lines to use to let him know you truly regret your actions by begging him for pardon.
We would be examining three practical steps in getting that heartfelt apology across to him.
STEP ONE – Prepare Yourself
Before anything, you must be physically and mentally prepared before you can successfully convey your regret over the action to him. In this subtopic, we would be analyzing what you have to do to get yourself set for that sincere apology.
1. Admit deep inside you that you are wrong
An insincere apology always has a way of betraying itself, it is even more worse than no apology at all. You deal? You have to convince yourself first that you are sorry before you can convince him. This portends dealing with your mind to get you convinced what you did is wrong and for him to deserve that sorry, you have to be really convinced deep in you that you are.
Consider this, when you were a toddler and you and your siblings got into a fight and your parents forced an apology from you both, deep in you-you weren’t convinced you were wrong but you had to say sorry because you were forced to, what happened after that? You would notice your apology didn’t make any difference to your bruised relationship at that time to that sibling of yours as you both still kept animosity to each other even after the forced apology. Think of it, what is then the essence of an apology you do not mean?
You have to come to terms with it that you were wrong and if you still can’t do that, be ready to lose the chemistry in that relationship and subsequently the relationship itself. You must bring your self to see it and say it that you were wrong if you really want to keep your relationship as intact as before.
2. Think, know the effect and impact of your wrong
Be sincere, put yourself in his shoes, how you would take it if those same things were done to you. This makes you get objective on the impact of your wrong. It also allows you to know why the apology should suffice in the first place and would hence help you convey and compose an effective yet sincere apology to him. Do not be tempted to whittle down the effect of the offense or downplay its consequences, it would harden your heart more and make the whole process not worth it.
For example, your boyfriend was meant to have a date with you but something unfortunate happened in his office that he couldn’t make it after work. it might be that the blame of the mess was put on him and he found himself in a difficult situation. He calls you to cancel the date but you were insensitive to even listen to his pleas and explanations. He would feel hurt and down with your insensitivity and lack of empathy. Considering the efforts he made to put you in his plans and later intimate you of the cancellation of the date, you should in your apology plan know the severity of your insensitivity to his plight and your selfishness to the date at the detriment to his welfare.
We are hence telling you here to focus more on the hurt you caused for him to know the extent of damage your actions caused.
3. You have to forgive yourself
In most cases, the guilt in you can affect a sincere apology to him. You know why? You would be more focused on how you misbehaved rather than on he that was aggrieved. Forgiving yourself and moving past your misdeeds would let you focus more on how he feels rather than how you felt with your Misaction. It helps you direct more of your energy to your partner needs.
Try to relieve yourself of the guilt and self-condemnation in you so you won’t start feeling unworthy of his forgiveness and that might kill your confidence in saying the right words to him. If you are too mad at yourself and you refuse to forgive yourself, it affects your composure and even tacts while apologizing to him. It may adversely aggravate the situation.
You have to, therefore, forgive yourself.
4. Practice and plan your apology
Sincere and Heartfelt apologies are best done with adequate preparation and good practice. It is simple, prepare and practice what your apology should look like, how you want it said, the words to say and the best moment to say it. To convey your remorse to him perfectly well, you should know exactly what you want to say. Writing it down and going over it would help. You might need someone around (probably a friend) to help you with this.
It is better to apologize face to face to him rather than by text or call but you need to know if it is possible he allows to see you so as to know if you can either use a physical face to face apology or a written one. Plan either way because he might be very mad at you at that moment and refuse to see you.
You have to be prepared for any of the eventualities. The essence of practicing and planning your apology is to convey in the best possible way how bad you felt, and how remorseful and sorry you are
STEP 2 – The Act of Saying Sorry to Him
This is the main stage when you get to apologize. This is where you really put out what you have prepared for in step 1 above to practice. In this step, we would be looking at the major think-tank of the real apology. This is the most sensitive stage.
1. Take responsibility for everything
You are the one apologizing, you should show real remorse by putting all the blame on yourself. Do not get defensive by pointing out his fault too even when he did few wrongs too. You are not deceiving him or trying to fake up but making it easy to feel humbled and he himself might in that ego massage process begin to see his wrong. You have worked on his mind here.
Don’t be tempted to justify your actions or minimize the blame on you but you can rather explain why you made the error and how bad you feel about it thereby indicating your honest regrets.
If his anger is from the hurt you caused him, he would cool down with your humility in accepting your errors unless there is a hidden agenda to his anger. But you shouldn’t be focused on that as you are doing your part by concentrating on the wrong you did to him and not if he is using his anger as an excuse for other issues apart from the fight in contention.
2. Tell him what he needs to hear
To massage his ego and then assuage his hurt, he needs to listen to what would gladden his heart and most times after a quarrel, it is you admitting he was right and you were wrong. When you admit your guilt in the matter, it kind of softens his mind and make him know you meant the apology.
For example, use words like “It was unwise of me to have said that” “it was unintelligent of me to have acted that way, I acted on impulse which is wrong” . stuffs like “It was a foolish decision to have concluded on that without taking time to find out”
3. Allow him to vent his frustrations
Hurt feelings do not heal immediately and you shouldn’t expect him to just let go like that. He is human and you should respect his feelings and hurts. He needs to empty out his mind, to free it, it is normal he would wanna pour out his frustrations and all that, do not argue with him while he does that. Give him the freedom to voice out and say his mind. Patiently listen to him. It is not rocket-science to forget in a hurry the hurt in your heart, it would therefore take time. You should not expect an instant forgiveness without him saying something. In the midst of his talks keep saying sorry and let your expression reflect that.
You can say “I know I hurt you so much, am I worthy of your forgiveness?” This may calm him down that moment and his tensed emotions may subside
4. Talk to him clearly, honestly and sincerely
Be direct, concise and explicit in your apology. Show your culpability on the issue by stating in clear terms how bad you feel by behaving that way or manner. Be remorseful about the whole thing and let him see the dedication to healing the wounds through what you say. There are three R’s of apologizing to someone, “Regret, Responsibility and Remedy”, try to let things get ingrained in your words to him by you showing you regretted the action of yours, you taking responsibility for everything and you ready to remedy the situation.
Examples – “It was wrong for me to have lied to you, even if I feared your reaction to the truth, I should have still be open and honest with the truth instead of lying. I only aggravated the issue by deceiving you”
“You are right, I was insensitive by thinking only of myself, i was also selfish not to consider how you feel before ranting like that”
“It is your right to know about it and i concealing it from you is a form of lie. That i feel bad about. I am sorry”
FINAL STEP – Show You Are Sorry
Your actions after he might have heard your plea for forgiveness should reflect a change of heart.
1. Keep to your promises
When you were pleading for forgiveness, you made some promises to him, be respectable by keeping to them. If you promised not to keep late nights, make sure you don’t. If you promise to be open henceforth, do not conceal things again. Build back the trust he has on you by making your apology and his forgiveness worth it.
2. Show more care and affection
You need to back up your remorse by showing it engaging in acts that would indicate you care about him. You can thereafter compose a poem or sing a lullaby for him. Buy him gifts, cook his favourite meals and so on. Make gestures that indicates you truly care.
3. Ask for nothing in return
Do not be tempted to wanna determine how he responds to these overtures of yours. You shouldn’t try to control how he would act, what he would say or do. Do not expect too much. All you need to do is to focus on how to remedy the situation and prove to him how much you cherish him.
Now that you know How To Say Sorry To Your Boyfriend After A Fight, what are you going to do about it?