Relationship Hacks

How to Write to Your Partner to Fuel the Spark of a Relationship

How to Write to Your Partner

How to Write to Your Partner to Fuel the Spark of a Relationship: In the early stages of relationships, couples are always wrapped around each other, incapable of doing things alone and spending every spare time together. However, as the relationship progresses, it is a common occurrence that the spark that initially drew them together begins to fade a little.

The tell-tale signs of when your relationship is losing its initial sparks are:


How to Write to Your Partner – You spend less time together

When the sparks were still alive, you hated spending time away from your partner and you always found time to meet up, even when you were very busy. But when the sparks start fading, you have less of a desire to spend time together and you begin to value your free time away from each other. Your dates and the time you spend together will begin to feel like an obligation or something to check off your to-do list.

How to Write to Your Partner -You’re not as intimate as you used to be

Intimacy does not mean just sex, here intimacy means doing things together, holding hands, sharing things and talking together. Apart from physical stuff, intimacy means being close to each other emotionally. When you and your partner start closing off to each other emotionally, the sparks have started dying down.

How to Write to Your Partner -You don’t care as much as before about each other

Earlier in the relationship, you called each other regularly, even when you were busy, just to check up on your partner and make sure he or she is doing well. But now, you go days without wondering how your partner is doing or even calling and meeting each other.

How to Write to Your Partner – No more extra effort

Another way to know when the sparks are fading in your relationship is when you no longer make extra effort to look great to your partner. Earlier in your relationship, you used to groom yourself, spend extra time on makeup, and carefully choose your clothes when you were meeting, in order to impress them. If you find yourself no longer doing this, then your relationship is getting lukewarm and the sparks are fading.

However, even if the sparks that characterized your relationship before are fading, it does not mean the relationship is dead. This means you can still recover the spark in your relationship. The problem now is knowing if your relationship is dead or the sparks are just fading out.

So, how do you know if your relationship is actually dead and beyond reconciliation?

How to Write to Your Partner – You don’t care enough to find a solution to your arguments

In a relationship that is not dead, both partners usually feel torn up when there is an argument or a partner is angry with the other. In a dead relationship, neither of the partners care. There’s a “good riddance” outlook after a partner disappears from sight after an argument. Both partners don’t care enough to resolve their argument and dissolve the tension it caused. They are quite happy to live ignoring each other. When you find yourself or your partner picking fights with each other or picking each other apart, then that relationship has moved beyond fading sparks to dying embers.

How to Write to Your Partner – You find yourself thinking that you wasted so much of your time on your partner

Couples in a healthy relationship look back to things that occurred in their relationship and get a little misty-eyed or simply laugh at the antics they tried then. But couples in a dead relationship carry a feeling of bitterness towards their partner and the relationship, thinking that they’d wasted so much time on the other partner instead of pursuing better things.

How to Write to Your Partner – You can’t stand being in the same room with your partner

When you find yourself hating everything about your partner: his or her voice, mannerism, touch or even anything that reminds you of your partner, your relationship is in the dead zone. When the sparks were flying in the relationship, your partner probably elicited shivers down your spine with his voice or even his touch. If by now both of those things make your skin crawl, then you might need to leave that relationship.

How to Write to Your Partner – You’re indifferent

When you feel indifferent about whether your partner is present or not and you can’t bring yourself to care if your partner comes home late from work or not, doesn’t come home at all or cheats on you, then your relationship is dead and the sparks or embers will be very difficult to revive.

How to Write to Your Partner – No more communication

Where previously, you sat down together to talk to each other, resolve arguments or conflict, one sign that your relationship is dying is; when you and your partner hardly spend time communicating about important matters or your relationship. When your partner does something you don’t like, you either ignore it or you pull it close to your heart like an armor, instead of sitting down to discuss the issue together, your relationship is probably dead.

How to Write to Your Partner – A good way to fuel the sparks

So, now you know if your relationship is dead or if it can still be revived. If it’s dead, I suggest you break off the relationship as soon as possible. If it’s not, then there are still some things you can do to fuel the spark in your relationship. One of those things is writing.

There are a number of things you can write, in order to please your partner and fuel the sparks in your relationship:

1. Love notes

Love notes are not letters, they are usually just a few sentences of heartfelt romance. You can send love notes to your partner when you’re sending him/her flowers or a gift. Or you could cook breakfast and add a love note to make your partner feel loved and cherished.

2. Poems

Poems have been used to weave stories, tell stories and most importantly, woo lovers and spouses. You can fuel the spark in your relationship with heartfelt, affectionate or even erotic poems that will make your partner feel cherished and loved.

3. Love letters

Yes, love letters existed a long time ago. Long before technology came into play and text messages and chatrooms became the ideal place to woo partners and potential partners. Contrary to what you may think, love letters don’t have to be long and they can just be half a page or a number of sentences or paragraphs. What matters most is that; your messages and feelings are passed via the letter and your partner can feel the warmth of your love.

4. Love emails or texts

Since technology has pretty much taken over almost every part of our lives, why not send love emails or texts to your partner? It could be something you prepare during your break at lunch and send to your partner so they see it after a hectic day at work. Likewise, you can send love texts to your partner early in the morning. Love emails or texts are similar to love notes and love letters, the only difference is the electronic medium through which the messages are delivered.

Here’s how to write to your partner to fuel the spark in your relationship

1. Write positively

You want to fuel the sparks in your relationship? Then there’s no way you can write a love letter and still include something you think is your partner’s faults or flaws. Your love letters or notes should be positive, highlighting the best things about your partner, basically why you like him/her. You can’t include any negativity, criticism or ambivalence. Your love letter, especially if it is one written with an apology, should focus only on the positive.

2. Honestly express your feelings

To honestly express your feelings in a handwritten love letter or love email, you can start by telling your partner why you’re writing the letter. You can say something like, “Although I am not great at talking about my feelings, I thought I needed to write this letter to reassure you of my feelings and remind you of just how much you mean to me…”

Phoebe who works at UK CareersBooster suggests that you can talk about what your partner brings to your life physically, sexually, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. You might need to do a lot of thinking, but you have to think of the different things that make your partner so special to you.

Emphasize the things you love about your partner: character, physical appearance, speech and mannerism in your letter. For example, you can say, “I love the way you twirl your hair in one finger when you’re thinking. It’s so adorable.” or “I love how passionate you are when you’re talking about work and the people you work with.” “You make me want to kiss you every time.”

3. Talk about your memories

One of the most effective tools you have for fueling the sparks in your relationship is; your memories and the times you’ve both spent together. When the sparks in a relationship are fading, what is the best way to reignite them than to allude to memories of when the sparks were flying?

Try to remind your partner of why you are together and why you should continue being together. Anne who works for an essay help firm says that; when she writes to her boyfriend, she picks out a few of the memorable times they spent together and references them in her love letters. Not only will they bring a smile to your partner’s face, but those memories will also help to make your letter much more potent in fueling the sparks in your relationship.

4. Write with a special endearment

While writing the letter, make sure you fix in endearments that you know makes your partner happy. It could be an endearment you used to call him/her but stopped after a while or just something that alludes to how important your partner is to you.

Endearments are plenty and you can use original or common ones like a baby, my love, angel, beautiful one, my little one, dearest mine, etc and fill your letter with them. Just make sure your endearments are relevant to your partner and relevant in your letter.

5. Express your gratitude and appreciation

Your partner has done so much for you and nothing can water down the sparks in a relationship than when one partner does not acknowledge or show appreciation for the hard work of the other partner towards the success of their relationship.

Adam who works at assignment service UK, insists that you recognize your partner’s efforts and sacrifices, like that time, she drove up from work just to see you or that time, he/she came back jet-lagged from a trip and still cooked you a home-cooked meal. Remember all those little things and appreciate your partner. Don’t forget to also appreciate your partner for being themselves. This makes your partner feel special and cherished.

Other things you can do to refuel the spark in your relationship:

Keep dating

Many people think dating is something to do at the beginning of a relationship when both partners are wooing each other. But how can the sparks in your relationship not begin to fade when you no longer do the things that made the sparks fly before? This is why you should start going on dates actively. It doesn’t have to be something fancy. It could be an evening together where you eat home cooked meals you cooked together or watch a movie you both wanted to watch.

Maybe a little space will do the trick

What’s that saying, “Distance makes the heart grow fond”? Sometimes, a little space can refuel a relationship. When you allow your partner to miss you, you can both reminisce on the times you’ve spent together and think about what you’d like to do when you see each other again.

It can also be a little stifling when someone is always around you, such that the things you could have ignored before start to become very annoying. Also, a little space from each other makes sure that when you meet, your meetings are explosive.

Resolve all your arguments and misunderstandings

Misunderstandings and arguments can cause a lot of unnecessary heartache if they are not promptly discarded. And they can also cause resentment to start growing in your relationship. This is why you should solve all your problems, clear out misunderstandings and communicate with each other.

Do something you both love to do mutually

If you both love to travel, take a road trip and go on an adventure together. If you’re gamers, play games together. If you love to party, go to parties and nightclubs together and have fun with each other. Just make sure you do something that takes both of you out of your normal daily routines and forces you to spend quality time together.


Relationships are easy to start but not so easy to maintain and develop and sometimes, the spark in a relationship fade away because there’s actually nothing to maintain or develop it. In other words, the relationship was too shallow to last from the onset. Regardless, if you want to fight for your relationship by writing frequently to your partner, then you should endeavor to write not for perfection but just to express yourself. There is no need to hire a professional writer or poet to write your love letter, you can do it yourself.

About the Writer

Lilian Chifley is a romance writer, relationship expert and a renowned college essay writer who has touched many lives. She’s also a senior editor at Lilian loves going to the cinema and she has a passion for basketball.

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    Onwe Damian
    March 11, 2019 at 1:58 pm

    Nice write up

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