Lifestyle Relationship Hacks


Spending and caring. Our generation has a way of confusing two contrasting words and meanings, for example, love with sex, lust with love and money with contentment and it was a matter of time before spending became confused with care.

Let me start by defining spending in its most generally used form, spending is basically buying stuffs i.e letting money go. ‘

Now let’s look at how this affects a relationship, its a known fact through all the ages that when a male likes a female he tries as much as possible to impress her, to stand out amongst all other suitors so he buys her gifts and does all he can to win her heart.

This has proven very effective over the years and it has become a system, However, there’s one problem with the system.

Over the years women has been tailored to believe that when men do spend for them is synonymous with care but here’s why they’re wrong, a lot has changed in the last century; the goal of a man wooing a woman is not strictly for marriage anymore and what women have failed to realize is that which men now use to punish them and its the fact that women tend to confuse spending with caring.

An average man knows without being told that the fastest way to get a woman into bed is to “pretend you care” by spending a couple bucks, now the real problem is women don’t really know they confuse those two things.

Let’s highlight the three things that happens when you start spending for a girl and see why women don’t know they’re confusing the two:

1. She notices you

This can be in two ways; its either she notices you’re interested in her (cos you haven’t actually said anything) or she notices that you’re trying to show her how you feel (if you already showed interest)

2. She starts to think you do care for her

She starts analyzing everything and as she does this the brain keeps interpreting all she’s perceived and eventually sends a signal to all her body I.e the brain transmits hormones and enzymes that portray happiness and she accepts that the man does care about her (cos of the way she feels at that moment which actually the effect of the hormones now in her system).

3. She becomes emotional

This is the stage where the damage is done, after accepting that the spending counts as care the continuous thought gets her emotional and apart from crying sex is the best way a woman can express her emotions.
All processes above can be a matter of days,months or even hours, the thing is men already know this about women so they keep exploiting it.

The question that should come to mind is why else do you think a man that just took you out for shopping just now wants you to go home with him? Cos he’s trusting the system to help him get what he wants, it’s all about give and take.

You’re probably wondering now, how does one differentiate? I mean some men do spend on women they love because they want to and not cos they want something right? Well you’re right, but I’ll tell you the difference; when a man cares about you he doesn’t just spend on you he shows a lot of signs, he shows interest in you i.e he listens to you like you’re his world, he opens up to you, he tells you things he’ll rather not, he talks about your dreams and his.

There you have it, few ways to know a man cares about you, so if you think a guy loves you and all he does is spend on you and take you out where all you guys talk about is movies,entertainment and other benign issues like that better think again he might just be after what’s between your legs.

Another way to prove a man’s sincerity is a method as old as time itself which is closing your legs tight, now this method is efficient but has proven to be flawed if a limit is given for example a guy can stick around spending and pretending to care for 3,6 months even a year if he thinks there’s a chance he’ll eventually get what he wants. The truth is to some men, a woman is like mount Everest, a huge challenge.

Though it takes months to climb, when they finally succeed in climbing it and reach the top they revel in the glory come down as victors and move on and every time they see the mountain they point proudly that and say,” have been to that mountain top” that’s why you can’t set a limit while using this method, you have to be willing to go all the way.

This was sent in by seasoned writer Makinde ‘Brainiac’ Teniola, an excerpt from his book ‘x and y’ of relationship..soon to hit the stores!!


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  • Reply
    March 2, 2016 at 7:19 am

    Nice writeup…that’s d problem I have with Nigerian girls…I met one d other day and she was asking me to buy something that worths 10k…so I refused cos I barely even knew her….and then she said “YOU ARE NOT EVEN CARING”…ain’t that hilarious?

    • Reply
      March 2, 2016 at 7:31 am

      LOL, thats the truth though.

      Sighs, the mentality most ladies have sha. Thanks Jay for the comment

  • Reply
    May 5, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    Nice post Deedee

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