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How Heartbreaks Shaped Me: Bob My Lover


How Heartbreaks Shaped Me: Episode 2

I’m going to skip the birthday heartbreak story. Let’s talk about my most recent heartbreak. Technically, I was the heartbreaker in this case. But, I hope you would be able to see into my perspective.

As a newly deployed corp member who was away from her boyfriend, all that I wanted was someone to call, discuss with and tease. But I remember that night vividly, I made a video call because I wanted to see his face and we had to end the call because I couldn’t show my boobs and to him, what’s the point of doing a video call if he couldn’t see what he wanted to see?

We met at the dental clinic some months before then. I had broken my tooth 2 years earlier, filled it and recently broke it while chewing meat on a date. I went to the clinic that fixed it the first time but Nigeria and workers’ strike are 5 & 6. So, I had to visit this hospital at home and while I sat in front of this young doctor, we chatted, enjoyed each other’s company and took it off from there.

He asked me out and after weighing all factors among which was the fact that I was tired of men from my state but who knows what God wants. I also didn’t want sex in the relationship but he was willing to try it out. We agreed to a date and we moved on as lovers who argued why sex should not be included in an adult relationship every time we met. I invited my nigga to my (parents’) place but he couldn’t come because of course, he would not be free so yea, I did all the visitation.

When I got my NYSC deployment and left ‘home’, I invited him over and he legit asked me why he would travel a long distance when sex would not be involved. To cap it, he could not bring himself to believe that I had dated 4 guys and I hadn’t had sex.

I’m sorry but sex wasn’t in my diary at this time and to be with a man who found this as his number one love language wasn’t working. So, I suggested we ended it and yea, according to his words, “do whatever is okay for you, Annie”, I made the decision to let go of another person I loved.

Deedee was already my friend at this time and I remember chatting with him someday to ask him what his opinion was considering he is a relationship expert. Was I overdoing this no sex thing or was he overemphasizing sex?

Bob was my 5th boyfriend and after I made the decision to call quit dating him, I decided to keep open arms during NYSC, make friends and maybe fall in love. However, as much as I kept my arms opened, I locked out the most vulnerable part of my heart. I became open to heartbreak. I no longer trusted that a man would stick through the circumstance and fight for you. When I asked Bob if we should end the relationship due to our sexual discrepancies, the last thing I wanted was for a man to leave me to make the choice.

To me, it meant that he had already made his rule and standard and it was totally up to me to come to terms with it.

We broke up and about two months after, he called to request for a visit but I wasn’t interested in playing games with my heart. I had a friend who made a good company without sex.

During NYSC, I met other guys, fell in love and broke up again. Close to the end, Bob called again and I decided to pick the call for him to visit. He did and I later returned the visit. Sex wasn’t a barrier anymore so I thought, it should all work out.

Sadly, it didn’t work out still. This time, I walked away because I wasn’t satisfied. Some things just didn’t add up. His character, my character, the things I want, what he wants don’t add up. So, I took the cue and asked that we ended what should have never been resuscitated.

With my time with Bob, I learnt never to go back to an ex. If you left them initially and felt hurt for what they did, do not go back. You will remember the past and feel hurt.

Up until we dated again, Bob never believed I had not had sex and he didn’t believe so many things. He rather picked the negative things to believe than see them in a positive perspective.

He believed I left the first time because I didn’t care about him and now, he still believes that. He believes I should be grateful to be with a cool man like him and he can not wrap his brain behind how I could break up with him twice.

Bob was a great and ambitious person but our personalities and what each of us stood for did not make our relationship work out.

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