How to Have a Peaceful Divorce: Not all couples live happily ever after. If you decide to get a divorce, then the most likely reason for this is that you do not want argues and quarrels in your life to continue.
Thus, a peaceful uncontested and no-fault divorce can be a good solution, both from an emotional and practical point of view. So if you decide to end your marriage, you need to remember about the particular things which are necessary to ensure a peaceful divorce.
1. Make sure you have the right approach
“Peaceful divorce” may sound like an oxymoron, but it is real. Of course, after many years of struggle and, finally, the decision to divorce, it is difficult to imagine that you will ever have warm feelings towards your ex. However, if you want the divorce process not to become another one injury along with the breakup itself, then you will have to discipline that special mind of yours. Of course, you now think that if you knew how to do this, then you probably would not have divorced. Unfortunately, this is a little bit different. You do not need to fall in love with your ex-spouse again, but you should respect him or her for the positive things he or she has done. Think of it that way. Even if all you can do is appreciate a few positive aspects of their personality, for starters, it’s enough. But a peaceful divorce requires mutual respect anyway.
Yes, arranging a peaceful divorce is not the easiest task. But in the end, it is beneficial to both parties. Foremost, an amicable, peaceful divorce means an opportunity for a relatively inexpensive and quick proceeding. If a couple has kids, a peaceful divorce (and this is especially important) means minimizing their negative experiences. Besides, if the couple has children, the former spouses will probably still have to meet and cooperate in solving any child-related problems. So why not learn polite communication and an efficient approach to such relationships from the very beginning, with a divorce? It is difficult, but it is still easier than trying to “save face” after fierce court battles. To divorce amicably, the spouses’ intention to dissolve should be mutual, and their wish to keep smooth relationship should be sincere, as this path requires a lot of enthusiasm and responsibility along with the right psychological aspiration.
2. Talk to the kids
The children issue, of course, should come first. You must develop an adequate perception of the divorce in the child before the end of the proceeding, and continue to maintain it.
During a divorce, it is essential for the spouses to realize that their social statuses may change “husband-wife,” “ex-husband – ex-wife,” “friends – enemies – strangers,” but they will always remain “mom and dad” for their children.
Wherein, it doesn’t matter how old the child is; even the small ones subconsciously feel changes in the family. So they feel anxiety, they worry and blame themselves. The child needs information – honest and accessible to understand it.
To arrange a peaceful divorce and maintain a good relationship after the dissolution, neither spouse should turn the child against the other parent. It is important to say the kid something like: “Your dad or mom is good. It didn’t work out for us, but we both love you very much, and we will take care of you.”
It is strictly forbidden to manipulate a partner, using children as an instrument of manipulation. In the same way, it is not worth competing for the child financially, competing in who will buy a more expensive gift, more often take them to the cinema, and so on.
3. Ease your divorce. Use all the ways
Peaceful divorce cannot be a contested one a priori. When filing for a divorce, pick an uncontested divorce and point out the no-fault ground for divorce in your petition. Thus, you will inform the court that you do not need a number of the court hearings as well as that you are ready to resolve all the disputed issues of your case independently.
So the primary task of the spouses is to file the necessary divorce forms with the court and make a mutually beneficial settlement agreement and parenting plan (if the children are involved). They should resolve in advance such essential issues as division of the marital property (real estate, assets), child custody and support, spousal maintenance (if either spouse is qualified for it), and other things which may be necessary for the particular couple. This agreement must be signed, notarized, and submitted to the court. If the judge approves the document, the divorce may be granted without hearing.
Admittedly, difficulties still may occur. Legal paperwork is not the simplest thing, as well as negotiation with your ex (even if you both are intended to part friends). Speaking of the filing process, online divorce may be a great solution. If the spouses want to represent themselves, without hiring an attorney, they may ease the filing process by using one of the so-called online divorce companies. They are the websites which provide the complete divorce paperwork kits in accordance with the tiniest details of a particular case. The system takes into account state and county of filing along with their specific rules and laws, terms of a divorce case, whether some child-related or other additional forms are needed, etc. These online platforms prepare and complete documents very quickly, and the customer has full and permanent access for papers from their laptop. Therefore, you can save your money, time and nerves. You will not have to go to the clerk’s office to fill out the forms, and you will be able to cope without an attorney in an uncontested divorce case.
Another helping method is divorce mediation. When the spouses are going to make their settlement agreement, they may find it challenging to negotiate efficiently, regardless both of them want to settle the differences with no quarrel. Divorce mediation helps the spouses to discuss the controversial issues of their divorce and reach an agreement. Mediation is the method of alternative dispute resolution. It is not a competitive process, so the couple works on common goals jointly, being led by the professional mediator.
4. Consider psychological counseling
Couple and family psychology is not about keeping the family by all means. It is also aimed to help you to rethink the gained experience, to draw conclusions, to form a vision of how to raise joint children in this brand new divorced status. And, in the end, to help you not to repeat the old mistakes in a new relationship, and move on.
Come to a therapist to understand your mistakes. After all, no one is immune to mistakes.
Divorce is a hard process. But it is important not to obsess on your feelings only and not to behave selfishly. Everything can be overcome if you find the right and wise approach. Think about the fact that once you were close people, you have been tied up by many things and continue to connect. Do not burn bridges; it will harm not only you but also your kids. Follow the advice of a psychologist and accept changes with dignity. Divorcing peacefully is one of the ways how not to live with anger and hatred towards the person to which once had the most tender feelings. Divorcing peacefully is a good way to free yourself from mental agony.