Relationship Hacks

Is Getting Married a Function of Choice or Compatibility?

Christian Music & Lifestyle Blogger Olubunmi Ojo of Gospelredefined blog shared is getting married a function of choice or compatibility on his Whatsapp TV and decided to share the different responses with us. We found diverging views particularly interesting and enlightening. We hope you do too.

Read on:


There’s nothing like compatibility in marriage Sir.

A state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problem or conflict is called Compatibility.



If I am right in my definition, then tell me why Divorce exist?

So there’s nothing like compatibility in marriage because if there is, we will have a lot of happily married couples.

Maybe marriage is by Choice, just maybe…

So I still stand that there’s nothing like compatibility in marriage.

Lastly Sir, it is only the unhappy ones think that marriage is all about compatibility and also important to a good marriage.

Not knowing its all about commitment in order to make things work, despite potential incompatibilities.

So the question should be…

Marriage is it a matter of choice or Commitment?

Because is the commitment that will make a marriage survive over time.

I rest my case here Sir.

Stephen Dairo

None of the above!  It’s about complementing!

Let me start by saying God’s creation of Woman is to complement man’s life inside the Garden of Eden.  God never looked at the reason of compatibility before he created me! Gen 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, ‘The man should not be alone. I will make a helper for him.”

The helper was someone to live with the man and help him. Help him means to compliment him in his activities.

Man and woman are uniquely created that we cannot never be 100% compatible cos human changes! Let me pause his first

Philippians 2:3-7:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.

That means Man and woman are both instructed to put aside our selfish desires by first serving our Creator and then by serving each other and providing for each other’s needs.

Isaac Ariyo

Getting married or staying married are two different things. Getting married should be by choice and be informed by compatibility amidst other factors. Getting married should be by choice…a choice you made (not your family, friends or society) having considered your compatibility with the other person.

Staying married demands more than choice and compatibility. It takes your wholeness continually and consistently…and if for any reason you find yourself restraining yourself from giving that wholesome you, then staying married becomes a Titanic ship… I hope you know what I am implying

Please permit me to say this… The matters and issues of marriage and those related are very delicate that it should never be left absolutely in the hands of the unmarried(no pun intended).

By God’s grace, I have experienced the two sides of the divide and trust me, they are two different worlds.

Bunmi Adedeji

It’s both oh

Well, both go hand in hand…

As a matter of choice, you can pick from several options and yet there’s no connection whatsoever.

So even as you look at choice or taste, there has to be compatibility because its compatibility that will make u both stand the test of time not choice.

Well… Change can affect marriage positively or negatively depends on the kind of change though.

If its positive change sure it will move the marriage to another level of love and different atmosphere.

But negatively can cause depression, hatred, bitterness, anger, unhappiness amongst couples even separation and the likes

So if at all people want to change it should be from bad to good not the other way round because to you the person has now become a beast u never met in the first place

There are ways to actually ways to manage them but all these shouldn’t cause change as it were if the love is really strong and the other party is appreciating, encouraging, loving, concerned about you and all

Most times what causes the problem is when there is a problem and the other party is mostly at the receiving end… The other party doesn’t seem to want to encourage or make it look like the whole load is on the other person

You know there are ways to encourage someone to do more but some people feel it is a must she does it because we signed till death do us part and by that they fail to do their part to encourage, help in the little way they can to reduce the burden on the other party…

Some people’s mindset needs to be worked on actually.

Damilola Osho

Marriage is about compatibility not about choice

The reason why I go for compatibility is that God commanded us to pray for our bone of bone, the flesh of flesh not our own choice because our choice do fail us

Joy Galaemi

But I still think choice is more important o. because compatibility won’t stop serious issues that can threaten the marriage. A solid decision to stay and work things out will be needed.

So even though you meet someone compatible, you will still need to make a choice to stay married.

My thoughts.

Andrew Nyoreme


Choice governs compatibility.

I have seen 10girls at least in this little time we are compatible based on what I want from a lady and my dream “lady”.

We all have a dream lady that’s what we call our “spec”.

Knowing or unknowingly you are attracted by them you see this specific set of people beautiful.

So in all, if I can be compatible with 10 girls base on my spec I still end up choosing 1.

I can choose more than one in the general world concept. That’s why divorce is plenty.

They saw other compatible people and forgot just as they are feeling for the current they felt for the past so dive into another

When you say I love you it should mean I choose you. Choice is governed by 4 things, any missing then Love as we know it becomes dry and compatibility suddenly fades.

  1. Passion
  2. Commitment
  3. Pleasure
  4. Sacrifice

All equals CHOICE(LOVE) talking about marriage.

Rebecca Omolola

Both ways… It depends.

Getting married can be a thing of compatibility.

Like you haven’t gotten the person you feel is right for you so you decide to chill till you get or just forget about marriage because all those you have met so far ain’t the person for you.

Then it can be a thing of choice because you don’t just like the idea of marriage but it all boils down to you not finding the right person cus if you do, he or she will make you just want to get married and you will love all that marriage or relationship stands for

Yes, because you have to ensure you can deal with those factors 100yrs to come.

Can choice change over time?

Exactly it can

‘Cos, for now, you might be blinded with love and think you can cope with those factors but when reality set in you will find yourself acting the opposite way you promised.

That I said choice can change ‘cos even when you are compatible, it will get to a point where you will not love like before and you just have to make a choice to stay not to now talk of not being compatible from d beginning.

Mesele Adeola

I agree with this train of thought.

But choice “can’t fade away”

Choice- I believe is an action you take over and over

Joshua Ikuomola

I believe compatibility should determine choice.

Compatibility means the 2 people have characters that can work together is marriage at least minimally.

So if compatibility does not determine the choice, it means that choice is not having a successful and pleasurable marriage in view. It is a choice that is towards a temporary marriage and not a lasting marriage.

What I’m saying is that compatibility is superior to choice.

Compatibility should be a yardstick for choice.

If choice is used without compatibility, that choice is heading towards a temporary marriage.

Compatibility means that marriage has strong mutual reasons to move ahead against all odd.

But choice can fade away. Choice is like a taste, it can change one day when you’re tired of it after a long time of having it.

What are your thoughts on this question? Share with Us.

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