I chatted with a friend of mine about her boyfriend sometimes back and she told me how they started, how I told her she shouldn’t but should take her time, the relationship went and the sudden clash.
I felt sorry for her and I told her, but she told me not to be and the issues wouldn’t have even reared its ugly head if she had listened to my voice of reason.
I wasn’t even going to play the “I told you so” card on her because no matter what I felt about the relationship and how I couldn’t see it work, I just wasn’t happy seeing my friend go through another break-up.
It breaks my heart, and I told her that:
No matter what I said and you didn’t listen to or yield my advice, your relationship still shouldn’t have hit the rocks, not because of him but because of you, I hate to see you in pain.
I’m sure she is going to be fine but I can’t say the same for my peace of mind.
This isn’t the first time, I have told a female friend about a particular relationship not working out or having a bad vibe about some sort of proposals for my close female friends and in all cases, it ended up pretty bad.
I’m not happy it ended, don’t get me wrong, I just really wished they had listened to me at first.
Sincerely, I can’t blame them for not listening, really how would you listen or take a caution from a babe who obviously can’t save herself first from disastrous relationships too.
I can’t even be my own salvation.
The truth is I just really know it with my friends and not mine. I know when my friends shouldn’t dabble into one or should go into another.
It is just like an inner knowing for me, whether a relationship will work out and not and trust me, I have got both records of successful ones more than the relationships that have come to stay.
Here I am, wondering why I can’t be my own saviour before tending to others.
Why can’t my heart tell me from afar who to run after or who to run from, why can’t I have this inner knowing about whom to pursue a relationship with and whom to say a blatant NO to?
These and plenty more questions were laid on my mind after discussing with my friends, and after doing an inner soul and external research, I discovered I’m not the only one with this ability who can’t save herself first.
For someone out there who might be experiencing what I’m going through and can’t stop asking to know why things are like that, I will share some few points maybe two or so.
Call it inner knowing, for now, that’s all that matters.
1. I realised most times when my friend is about seeing someone, I critically analyse their situations.
I take time to see what possibly could be the attraction and where it is coming from and to know if it is actually genuine.
I give it time, to be sure I have my facts before concluding but unfortunately I can’t say the same for my relationships.
I just like everything fast, now see where that got me.
2. I don’t have highlighted emotions. My feelings are always quietened when I’m analysing for my friends.
Obviously because I’m not the one involved in the love triangle. I get to be objective, think with my head and not my heart unlike when it is about me and the guy is pressing my mumu button already.
3. I guess I’m genuinely concerned about the welfare of my friends. Would that mean I don’t care that much for myself? No,but I just don’t know.
I really do wish I can be my saviour! Do you have an idea what I’m talking about? Please share with me in the comment section below.
BJ
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