Dee Love Paragraphs



Mi Thomas is HERE again! And in this interesting story he shared how the Tinder app caused wahala between a group of friends. You’ll enjoy it!

What do you know about Mi Thomas?
“MI THOMAS graduated from the University of Maiduguri and had brief stints as a show host with Globe FM 98.5 then a co-host of a musical show on BRC2 94.6. He is the founding editor of Sambisa Reports and a contributor at TrendingAfrique. 

His credits include two works of non-fiction- Milestones (memoir); Maiduguri: the untold stories. He has also written over 500 love poems, dozens of scripts for screen and theatre and is copyright owner to several photographs.”

“He lives in Lagos with his friends, Allen Amadi and Prince Aboh.

You see this Lagos my brother. People are too serious. Everyone, from taxi drivers, shop owners, ticket vendors at the cinema to girls on dating apps. You cannot play small play with them.

One Saturday evening, some weeks ago, bored to death and tired of playing video game, my guys and me decided to find something fun to do. Benedict suggested we do some prank. Wallahi tallahi it wasn’t my idea. In hindsight, it was a forgettable experience.

So we all downloaded Tinder and started chatting girls we all knew were call girls. We would negotiate a price usually double, in some cases triple, what they asked and arranged to meet them. For some, we kept them waiting at a particular joint, for some we gave a wrong address just across the road from where we stood at the balcony watching them come and go while cracking away. For two weeks, we had our fun and laughed each day with tears in our eyes. Finally, Bennie’s village people from Ugheli got tired and stepped in.

It happened on a Tuesday, Bennie and I had gone to GTB in Phase 1 to make a quick deposit for his sister’s upkeep in school. The queue was long and because our cup was full, it remained so for long. You see, if devil wants to punish you, e go happen ni. You no fit escape am.

While waiting on the queue, Bennie’s phone rang and he stepped aside to answer. The call dropped almost immediately he picked. It rang again, and again dropped as he picked it. He shrugged and came back into his space. Then a hand tapped him from behind, and he turned to see a smiling lady waving her phone at him.

It had happened that Bennie and this girl had an episode on Tinder. But unlike me and Felix, he had shared his real phone number and of course his profile had his real picture. What! I had to take a look at her very well. She was chubby with sloppy cheeks, short fleshy neck and deep sunken eyes that bore testament to cheap drugs drug addicted life. Her lips’ cracks visible even underneath all the oil she baths It in. Her hairy bowlegs and heavily bleached skin made me wonder whether she had a costume on or that was her skin for real. Bennie this one na bush meat na, you sef!

I couldn’t believe my guy could be that stupid. Mercifully the girl was calm about it and didn’t create scene but when he attempted to get away using bathroom as a route, she nearly flared up.

“If you like shit join with the piss, na me and you dey here. You dey carry ashawo joke, I go disgrace you for here today, “she threatened tightening her grip on him.

My guy’s eyes red and his faced tightened like someone constipated for weeks. “I be Benin girl you no go carry me play like this. I be ashawo, I no get shame.”

For a moment I looked at them and felt they actually look good together and laughed. Then I nailed her down to specific. What da hell does she want?

“Make this boy settle me the 20k him arrange that night o, “she said. Oh hell no, that’s ridiculous I said. Ain’t nobody paying her 20k for mere pranks. I dared her to go ahead and do her worse. Bennie almost peed on himself on hearing that. He turned to me with trembling lips.

“Guy, you dey craze? Them go put me for instablog ni. Abeg make we just settle am dey go, “he said with resigned fate. Difficult decision. Either stomach all the embarrassment and get home with 20k intact and risk an image that might haunt us in 20yrs to come or….

“Una dey waste my time o,” she impatiently told us stamping her foot on the gentle clean floor of the banking hall.

In the end, we gave her 10k, after much begging, when it became clear she was going to keep to her word. Bennie spent the rest of that day in sober mood mourning his departed 10k. Before night, he had taken some fever drugs. Laugh nearly killed me that day. What Tinder join together I no see wetin go put asunder. My brother this Lagos eh…. people no dey joke o.

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