Dear Young Lady,
I know you see yourself to be very strong and you can face anything in life because you have come through so much and you’re still standing. You believe you are prepared for anything and nothing can intimidate you in life anymore. It had been rough and really bad but you scaled through. Your life is taking shape now and you have great dreams of a blissful life with your boyfriend.
He is a good guy. He fits perfectly into the picture of the kind of man you want, that could make you happy. You have prayed and you have peace about him.
But wait!!! Are you not talking him or prodding him into settling down with you? Because of your “I-can-face-ANYTHING” way that was formed out of suffering and deprivation, you can’t even stop to DOUBLE-CHECK on whether your boyfriend can meet your needs! You don’t even know your own needs, because they’ve been insulated by your wanting to survive anyway. Yes, NO ONE can completely meet your needs, but, I tell you, it’ll do a lot of good if you would check basic values and character of your boyfriend before “pushing” him into marrying you!
When you “settle down”, having put in all your energy and resources into it, could be when your soul would relax and the little girl in you would wake up and gradually start demanding for the father, protector, provider and true friend in that guy! And these are your needs! But you didn’t pay attention, and the poor guy didn’t know he had to meet those needs, so he didn’t see any need to work hard on himself to meet your needs!
It would drain you. It could make you bitter. You’ll feel used. You’ll be angry. It’ll cause fights. The strength you think you had would be stretched. You’ll discover you’d only been living in denial of your needs because you didn’t want to be hurt. You’ll be unhappy. You’ll blame yourself.
Be woke to who you really are, girl. Don’t talk him into settling down with you. A man that is ready to be a Husband and Father is the one that would be. You can’t do it all. You’ll be angry and bitter. Don’t push him into marrying you. DON’T!!! Know yourself first and know your NEEDS before you cling!
Pay attention to character first.
You see, when a guy is not ready, kò ready náà nìyen, nothing you can do about it. It’s not about his age.
But you, because you grew up putting things in place and making things happen for yourself, without any particular person or family helping you, would make you believe you can do anything and could face whatever.
Behold, girl, it doesn’t work that way! Marriage works when both people WORK at it. One party cannot do it alone. You’ll soon realise you have needs too and you would demand, one way or the other. And it’ll cause quarrels. You’ll respond based on your personalities, both of you.
Marriage is sweet, I can say that. When both people are willing to give their all and put in the work, believe me, marriage is not overrated. When you have someone you can walk life with as a true friend, with whom you’re sure you could find a way when the tide is high, believe, it’s the best.
You cannot go in with this mindset of “I-can-face-ANYTHING” because this life surprises and shocks us with the “anything” it brings! Nobody knows what tomorrow may bring. We just have faith that whatever, GOD Is faithful and we’ll be helped through!
Pay attention to character first!
Yes, he’s good. But you need to realise that some challenges come in life where being good is not enough! Being able to work and walk through, still being true to each other, carrying each other, looking out for the other’s wellness, standing for one another WHATEVER, not cowering out in the face of ISSUES which are INEVITABLE, all these and more, would be what matter.
Don’t push him into marriage! Know yourself first and know what your needs are.
I tell you, it’s good to be taken care of. You can only get this with a READY man, who by himself is READY and has done self-help about how to meet your needs, teachable, willing to get better and grow. It’s very enjoyable, whatever comes!
You’ll then experience what a good life is. Growing with a man who is a father, husband, protector, giver, true friend. Both of you can then work on your imperfections, FACE ANYTHING and overcome!
Don’t push him in! Know yourself and your own needs. Pay attention to CHARACTER first!
About Shola Allyson Obaniyi
Shola Allyson-Obaniyi, also known as Shola Allyson, is a Nigerian soul and folk singer, and song-writer. she became very popular with the amazing album Eji-Owuro which came out in 2003, and was the soundtrack for another amazing movie Eji-Owuro at that time. Shola also released other albums such as Im’oore and Gbeje Fori. She is a powerful singer, motivator speaker and counselor.
You can follow Shola on Instagram here.