What constitutes a healthy relationship?
I once heard a lady say a relationship is the unanimity of two powerful words; relation which means “the relevant connection between two or more people” and ship which denotes “a means of transportation”.
I had this shared with some ladies who effortlessly agreed with the sweet definition which I was wondering what could be the story behind that definition, so I asked them “why do you concur with this definition of relationship rather than the universal agreed or accepted definition?” Without wasting any second they replied in echoes but I had to politely shut them up and select one of them to talk (like they say “barbarians talk in thousands”).
Ganiyat by name, an indigene of Kwara state who is a student in Lagos State Polytechnic replied saying:
“Any relevant connection which is bonded by emotions and trust which is not moving you places or not looking like it took a step nor doesn’t change anything, is not a relationship, because a relationship is a connection of relevant feeling from two persons who are emotionally attached and has progressed or progressing them from a stage to another”.
In awe my jaw dropped, I was lost and couldn’t figure out where the movement is or was to take place so I asked her again “how is your relationship with a person connected with movement?”, She laughed and said in a sweet calm tone “My dear, it’s connected. If I am dating you, you have to offer me value and I will in return offer you value too then we compliment each other’s weaknesses and we both grow while doing all the dirty plays and stuff but if you only offer me money and lovemaking or money and intimacy, baba! I will leave if after three months you don’t read in between the lines that this girl needs a relationship, not a jokingship”. Then I understood her and I smiled in amusement.
But what’s your definition of a relationship? Tell that to me in the comment section. While away from school activity last month, I ran into an old friend, we joyously hugged and talked for a little time.
Suddenly I remembered she was in a relationship with a guy then and they happened to be the talk of the town, so I asked her “what of Nelson?” She murmured and said “Wo!.. he’s fine” from that reply I know you could also tell all wasn’t good, I questioned her reply and why she did reply like that, then she said, “the relationship wasn’t healthy so we had to go our separate ways”. After she had gone, I pondered on her reply (“the relationship wasn’t healthy”) and I kept wondering what a healthy relationship was or should be like and what constitutes a healthy relationship.
So I decided to go all out, as usual, to get answers from the relationship savvies and the ones who hadn’t experienced anything with the description of “a sweet relationship”. You will be amazed at what I gathered from all my research. Hold on a minute, have you ever wondered what a healthy relationship looks like too also? Then I guess we are both or we’ve both gotten a solution to that big question.
Joseph is a guru and a relationship adviser, he came just when I needed someone like him to help me unravel the mystery of what a healthy relationship should have and what makes it up. He came to check someone out in our campus so I stopped him and asked a few questions; ‘Joseph what is a healthy relationship?” Swiftly he threw an answer back at me “a healthy relationship is one in which both partners supports each without interfering in each other’s private life while maintaining good communication and boundaries, so they both feel independent. That’s a healthy relationship”.
I know the ladies will concur with this because every lady who heard him say this yelled at us saying “Una hear!!…” As if we weren’t giving them maximum privacy before but my question is for the gentlemen, do you guys accept and agree with that definition up there?.
But really, what makes up a healthy relationship? We should know this relationship ingredients that make our relationship healthy and prosperous. “Prosperity will stem in once it’s healthy, it will be healthy once it has value and it will have value if the reason for establishing it wasn’t self-centered”. I love to hear things like “like play like play, they are finally getting married ooo” but it’s only a healthy relationship that grows to that stage in life.
What constitutes a healthy relationship
Wanting to know what constitutes a healthy relationship, I jumped into the street of relationships to survey. I actually did question some ladies in addition with some guys who I got great responses from.
1. Mutual respect
The first major response that I loved so much was from Mr. Collins. A young entrepreneur in the street of Lagos and here was what he had to say; “My take on this is simple, every healthy relationship has a special I ingredient called Mutual Respect which is the ultimate factor of a healthy relationship”.
Mutual Respect in this regard is valuing each other’s opinions and concept as we certainly can’t have the same opinion and knowing our boundaries which then helps to limit our excesses. God didn’t create any two humans with the same functionality of the mind or the brain, so why do we expect our partner to view things from the angle at which we are viewing it. They are also entitled to their views and knowing this helps is maintain a balance of emotions and reduces misunderstanding. You can try to convince him or her but don’t impose your view on him or her as it will result in an unwanted misunderstanding. Especially to the guys always wanting to be dominant. Yes! You’re but you shouldn’t try proving that superiority by being inconsiderate rather let her recognize that you’re the head by letting her as a subordinate have her view assuring her that you’re not insecure of your position in the relationship.
I personally viewed this from an experience which I had in a previous relationship and I also confirmed it from a group of people. I wasn’t always available to talk, hangout nor help out in anyways but I never for once doubted her fidelity and as such I will never make a mistake of asking if she was dating or having an affair with someone else but on the other hand she (my girlfriend) would always call acting suspicious, it grew frustrating to a point I had to tell at her, something I had never done before.
She broke up thinking it was because I had someone else that’s why I could raise my voice against her. If she had trusted me the way I did trust her, who knows maybe we would have probably ended up together. Trust goes beyond believing what your partner says. Trust is when people tell you sh*t about your partner, as far as you haven’t seen your partner do it and he says he is innocent then you believe him or her until you have proven reasons to do otherwise. This is a major spice needed to have a healthy relationship.
Any relationship that lacks trust, lacks longevity. Sometimes, trusting you or your partner might just mean him or her trusting you to do things on their behalf without consultation or making a move for them. Trust matters a lot.
3. Good communication
Check out: How To Boost Your Relationship Health
Communication seems to be key in almost anything involving two or more persons even I the war front, it is very important to communicate well as we might be at risk of losing the people who ought not to be lost because of bad communication or bad communication skill. Both partners should learn to express themselves openly and honestly, knowing when to and no to talk and both parties should not be angry at the same time.
If your partner is acting up, you should learn to be calm so as to sort things out calmly and if at that moment he is not responding, let go till he is also calm then you guys can talk it over. But if you both go raving mad at each other every time, your breaking up is a step away. Learn to express yourself well and understand your partner expression, these are key factors of communication. Anything aside this is miscommunication and it brings disaster to every relationship.
4. Be supportive
I know for sure you will wonder at this point because it’s not the regular point you get from other platforms. But there’s one thing I know for sure, no matter what happens; whether you trust, respect and communicate well, if you don’t support each other in everything you need to, the relationship will still crash (sorry to use that word). Two couples I was lucky to meet with happened to open my eyes to this fact “when two minds are at work towards a project, the way is never blocked because when one mind is out of idea the other reignites the motion”.
I was dumbfounded when I heard this shocking truth which many lovers or couples don’t know. Sometimes, it goes beyond love to sustain a healthy relationship; take for example when you’re losing contracts because of bad proposing strategies, the effect will tell on your relationship but if your wife recognizes this and becomes supportive in any measure or method, you’ll definitely love her more. Support is key like they say “two heads are better than one”.
5. Healthy s*xual relationship
As sweet as it sounds this is a problem we fail to address because of some so-called “morals” or “religious beliefs” talking about this is considered as a moral decadence and this has crumbled a lot of relationships.
Your first connecting bond is your s*xual life. Learn what your partner wants in bed, how he or she wants it, times to make the moves and when to just keep your leg closed too. Talk to each other about your s*xual desires, you own each other. It’s not only food you starve each other, but you can also starve yourselves good lovemaking and this can break your home or the relationship.
Another neglected factor which spices up a healthy relationship. Your self-esteem and that of your partner matters in a million ways. The woman will have enough confidence to even demand lovemaking when the man isn’t demanding or does not seem interested, the man, on the other hand, will be bold enough to exhibit whatever desires he wishes to get granted by his lady.
This self-confidence also reflects in your daily life as you tend to perform better when your relationship is healthier. Lest I forget, in one of my interviews, Jane said: “I need a man who is confident of himself that even when he doesn’t look it he still acts like it without faking it, it’s not my business, just look it”. That’s to show you how self-confidence and esteem improves your relationship.
7. Relationship value
Like it’s said “a man’s heart lies where his money is” but in this case “a man’s heart lies where his value and happiness is”.
When you both value the relationship as though it was your only condition for making heaven then it will be purposeful as against if it’s not valued. When you value your relationship, you give purpose to it which gives meaning to your other half and when a relationship lacks value it lacks purpose and “when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable”. So value each other and live a life of purpose.
These are what makes a relationship healthy and healthier as you practice them often with repeated strategies. Love is full of ups and down I know for sure but when love is nowhere to be found and those seven attributes are present, then, love will find its way back and even come back stronger.
Have a healthy relationship henceforth without any hesitation as you have the knowledge need. The gold of knowledge is action. Implement them in your relationship and come back to share your testimony.
Check this video on healthy relationships out: