Everyone wants the attentive, caring partner but nobody wants a possessive partner. Truth is there is just a tiny line between being caring and been possessive. Even the word possessive self sent shivers down my spine,lol. The fact remains that you may not even be able to ascertain when you are crossing that line.
Possessiveness is when you call your babe every 5 minutes to check on when you know he/she is out at an event or spending time with friends. Possessiveness is when you want to know who he/she is chatting with all the time, who called her/him, why the giggles and can’t stop running through his/her phone every single opportunity you get.
Possessiveness is when you get angry at the slightest provocation when you see the opposite sex with your partner, you obviously dont want her/him talking to some guy/babe. Possessiveness is checking and tracking your partner unnecessarily, acting like a monitoring spirit. Possessiveness is going as far as drawing out a time table or schedule for your spouse to go out. I can go on and on about examples of when you do cross the line in the name of love.
Possessiveness is jealously opposed to the personal independence of, or to any influence other than one’s own upon, a child, spouse, etc. And like I stated earlier,only a thin line separates being a protective lover and possessives lover, and yet many of us are guilty of this. The moment you become possessive all in the name of protection or love, you begin to choke your partner gradually which might eventually led to the death of emotional disentanglement in your relationship. The sad thing is most couple do not know that either of them are guilty of this until the effect of being possessive has manifested itself.
Some never started out as being possessive, some lovers just allow their emotional attachments override their intellectual thought process. It is okay to err sometimes but it is not okay to dwell too long in it. You have got to know when you have crossed the limit, sometimes not just for your spouse alone but even for your own self dignity. It is very important to critically analyse yourself at a particular point in your relationship.
I know sometimes we might get a little bit carried away that we might not get to notice the signs easier/earlier, hence this post, to point out some few signs to you, that might show you are gradually crossing the line of being a protective lover to a estranged possessive lover.
You need to be sincere with yourself, the enemy is not me but ‘YOU’. I just don’t want your partner screaming to your face “enough is enough”. Trust me it’s worse more then, when left unexplored and unresolved, possessive relationships can amount to feelings of profound unhappiness, anxiety, anger, and even physical or emotional abuse.
Ways to assess yourself if you are crossing the line
1. Consider yourself as being the one being possessed
The best way to analyse situations at times is to imagine yourself in that situation. Would you love if your partner is doing certain things to you? If No, then it is confirms the fact that you are a possessive partner.
2. When you get unnecessarily insecure about any opposite sex with your partner.
You know it is actually annoying when you suspect your partner about every innocent bonding with the opposite sex. I’m not saying you shouldn’t caution, but you have got to give your partner some level of trust. If not what’s the essence of the relationship?
3. When you stalk your partner.
You keep an eye on every little thing your partner does to the point of stalking him/her. This might include logging in to their social media accounts and checking their private messages, reading through their emails or text messages, checking the internet browser history, showing up unexpectedly while he/she is out of the house and so forth.
4. You constantly message your partner when he/she is out.
For some reason, you always seem to “check up” on your partner when she/he is out, sending more texts and calls than usual. Biko!
All of the jealousy, all of the paranoia, all of the controlling behaviour … “it’s all just love.” You justify your toxic behaviour by pulling the “love card” on your partner thus paving an easy escape route to avoid responsibility and blame.
Few but very important traits to check for being a possessive lover. Do your self test and be sure to take necessary preventive measures. Nobody loves a possessive lover, not even you!
Do you have other additions to being possessive? Drop yours in the comment section below! Let’s engage!
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