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Before you true find love: How to discover yourself

How to discover yourself

The best way to find true love is to first seek out how to discover yourself – DeeDee.

Lady 1 – I dated her for two years, it was amazing. We reveled in our naivety at that time. Doing fun things, ignoring the warning voices of our parents. We both went to College and then we grew apart.

I struggled with self discovery, youthful exuberance, living the large life then we grew apart.

Slowly, unconsciously, we forgot the calls, the togetherness, the affection. Eventually, it was a case of a fling that almost never happened.

Lady 2 – I dated her for 5 years, we were the best of friends or so I thought. She was willing to do everything, will ask for forgiveness even when I was wrong. I was proud, thought I had all the world on my shoulder, having the best girls, the ‘best love’. the best relationships. Even when I did wrong, I never cared. It was just all about me. Then I broke up with her for just no reason!

Lady 3 – I dated her for one year, she was pretty, classy and someone I could term a special lady with a special kind of personality. I was all over her. Yet we broke up.

During all these period, it was easy for me. I never really bothered about the break up. At some point I felt sad because I could not hold onto relationships for so long but sincerely, I never really bothered about those break ups.

Was it the right way to feel?


When you say you ‘LOVE’ and then things go awry, you need to feel the part of your heart rippling off, someone you have grown so attached to, and then you guys are growing apart, and you claim you don’t feel ‘nothing’?

It was a pity I never regretted breaking up with the people I broke up with and I will tell you why!

First if I have been with them, maybe they would have suffered a lot from my recklessness and nonchalant attitude.

After some years of living through denial and the frenzy of being young and single, my friends decided that it was time for me find myself a boo!

Did I find for myself?

Sure I did!

Did it last long? No it did not.

The question I asked myself at that point was WHY?

Why did it not work out this time?

What was wrong?

Was I being aggressive and overly sensitive or I was just being the boyfriend every girl wanted.

YES, that was it!

I just wanted to keep up appearances, wanted to be the perfect guy for everyone, a perfect representation of what girls want, whereas I knew I wasn’t perfect, and I will fall short of certain qualities, (which I did fall short of anyway).

I wanted a woman to just fall in love with me so I could bask in the euphoria of being loved. Eventually, I realized the picture of myself being the aggressive, lovey-dovey individual was who others wanted and not what I actually wanted for myself.

I realized that I only love based on how much people really love and care for me, how their romance level plays into mine. A lot of you must have felt this: you feel so arrogant about loving just because you are handsome/ beautiful.

You see yourself as someone who doesn’t really care so far you can get guys or babes ay the snap of your fingers. You feel egoistic  and self-centered. Yet you still feel the hole within your heart. The space needing and wanting more from life. You want to give it all but then your personality isn’t helping. You are simply lost within your inner self.

Let’s go back to myself, I threw the personality into the crash can, and decided to pick myself up and get acts together.

I wanted to find love again but not this way; not keeping up appearances. I needed to find myself, love myself, discover who I truly am before giving love a chance.  I wanted to find affection by discovering who I truly was.

I learned from a lot of women, and what I could notice in all of our convos was that, women want confident men. Those that are sensitive, strong and could handle their difficulties and misgivings.

I decided to step out of the box, figure out ways to try new things, find out what makes me weak emotionally and what plays with my strength.

I started out by doubling the number of female friends I had. Singles, dating and married, I had them all.

One of the best ways to learn how to find yourself in love is by moving closer to those that we affect with our love, and this I did by moving closer to the ladies. Here I learned true acceptability, and what qualities should ascribe to every man who craves the love of a lady.

You need to locate your inner self before you find yourself

Pay more attention to yourself!

What works for you? What tickles your fancy?  What does your conscience tell you about love?  Are you comfortable within your own strengths? Ask yourself questions. This can only be possible when you search yourself in deep and try to see your challenges and struggles. Meditate and think about your experiences and your cravings.

You will sure meet some inner demons and obstacles as you meditate, you need to be able to face it. Your flaws and imperfections will show itself. You need to release them, let them go. The more you bottle up your mistakes, weaknesses, then they are bound to impact your romance life.

You need to make people aware of the mistakes you have made and then let them know that you are not perfect, this is the first way  to how to discover yourself in finding true love.

You need to accept yourself before you can discover yourself

You have released your experiences, your flaws, your imperfections. Have you accepted them?

You need to accept who you are and stop with the pretense of trying to fake life and realities. You can never find a love so true if you fail to come in connection with your personality. You must attend to your past in order to be able to deal with your future.

I used to be a serious heart-breaker in the past, and most times I tend to remember how much I have hurt people, people who genuinely love my ugly ass. It makes me so unhappy but I tell myself ‘This is not me anymore’ I have worked on myself and now I’m a better person.

Your flaws are yours. No one is carrying your flaws for you. The earlier you come to terms with that, the better to discovering yourself.

Don’t wait for acceptability from an opposite sex, accept yourself first and then it becomes easy to find the one who would truly accept you. The more you live with your understanding of love, the more you get to attract those who are like you.

From Huffington’s post on 7 ways to learn to love yourself unconditionally Like attracts like, and the more you live your own ideal of love, the more your light will draw another light to you.

So you see? You attract those who understands your flaws now and then loving becomes easy.

Be prepared to begin to live a new life

What morals guide your belief? What principles and tenets of love do you live by? What values drives you? You need to reflect on all these and change them. They never worked for you in finding love in the first place, so why still live by these tenets.

Overcome bad habits, overly flirting, always craving sex and seeking for ways to suck your partner dry emotionally. You need to let go of your bad habits and instill new habits.

Ask questions


Yes You!

You need to ask yourself deep questions and make mental pictures of your answer. This goes beyond just meditating, It balls down to asking those questions that will make your life better.

What are my plans on the short and long term?

How do I deal with rejection?

Am I really as mature as I think I am?

Can I be selfless

Can I give without thinking of how and when to receive?

All these questions will guide your decisions and help you on your journey through discovering yourself.

Separate all POV

POV, point of view separation is simply trying to separate your point of view from others. This means trying to understand your purpose of existence which is trying to seal your values and what is important to you. People who live happily tend to have fun with life and discover themselves early. They tend to be happy with life when they finally establish the connection they need with the environment.

It is therefore important that you find yourself and what makes you content and then learn to live with it. Enough of doing what what your values do not align with. You need to make your point of view guide your decisions and not the let the advice of others provide guidance for you.

Understand the need for friendship

Look out for more friends than getting a girlfriend.

Most times, we see every guy or girl potential boyfriend or girlfriend, instead of seeking out ways to see how we can foster friendship. You need to learn to make and build friendship before you can think of dating someone or starting to date. Friendship guides your decisions, helps you to feel passionate about your life. Who you decide to live your life and be friends with helps in goals realization and personal development.





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