Certain things happen to people in this life that shocks us beyond comprehension, one of such cases is that of B (initials) who shared her story with Popular Writer and Relationship Counselor, Olubunmi Mabel. This is a MUST READ and will shake the very foundations of your emotional knowledge.
Whatever situation you are in that’s causing sadness, depression, or making you think of making decisions that will cause destruction, please talk to someone – a counselor, therapist, psychologist. Talk to ME!
“My name is B. and I will like to share my story.
I was raped constantly raped at the age of 6, 9, and then 21.
The thing is, I didn’t realize this shaped my behaviour and my choice of partners. I’m a motivational speaker and I love to help others in need, but I couldn’t get a hold on my life. People see me outside and say all of the good things about me, but on the inside I’m scared, I feel useless and disappointed in myself.
I started dating at the age of 17, got pregnant at the age of 19 to my bf then and he aborted it, then I got pregnant at the age of 22 again for this same person and he denied it, even when the whole world knew I wasn’t sleeping with any other person. I decided to keep the pregnancy, I was in my final year and my parents were devastated. I’m proud to say my baby girl will be 10 this year and I bless God that I kept her.
After I had her, I went for youth service and met someone, he was everything, would wash my pants, do everything for me, but he was constantly emotionally attached to any girl that comes his way, I couldn’t deal with that. I was just out of a relationship I gave my everything to, I practically slaved for my baby’s father even when I didn’t have to eat and yet he left me with a child, so I decided no matter how this nice this new guy was, I wouldn’t marry him. He cried and begged, but I said no.
I was so angry and bitter, and impatient, I didn’t want to take rubbish. But different men started coming and any slip, I just walk away, but my baby’s father kept coming back, kept taking even the little I was managing with, kept using me, for ten years and I just wanted him to marry me so my little girl could have her dad, people kept saying it was better I ended up with him because he is my baby’s father.
Then after I allowed him to deceive me for years, he got married to a lady in Canada who has been sending him gifts and money, and she has two kids for two different men, but he said it didn’t matter. I was heartbroken, I cried my eyes out, I prayed, I fasted, but nothing changed. A lot of men came for me, but they were too good, I didn’t trust any. I got used, I got maltreated because I wasn’t balanced.
Then I met the man I married, I hate men who drink, but after finding out my baby’s father smokes after 10 years of been together, I decided I’ll rather settle for the rugged and straightforward guy. I was wrong. When we have issues, he would call me all sorts of name, and when I wanted to call off the wedding, his parents begged and begged but his younger sister asked me if I was sure I could live with her brother for even two years, I said I could. Thought he needed me, that I’ll be the superhero who will fine-tune his life. I didn’t realize I myself needed help, that I was not balanced.
After our wedding, my parents gave us a million naira for our wedding gift, before then, I paid for practically everything, the cake, photographer (part payment), my husband was supposed to pay for the rest. My wedding was loud because my parents in law wanted it so and my parents had to spend over 6million for the wedding that never worked.
I knew I had entered one chance from the altar when he started quarreling with me because of a wedding ring. The honeymoon was a disaster, I cried 5 days of the 7days, he complained about everything but never dropped a dime. When we got back to our home, he left me in his parents’ place and started squandering the money my parents gave us.
On his birthday, I went and bought him a new phone and some other things, maybe he would even remember that he was married, he was happy but that was it.
I was devastated, I had left my job in Lagos to move to another state with him and with my Master’s degree I couldn’t get any job, I started selling puff. I just wanted to do everything to please him, but it was not enough.
He would come home late, come home drunk, pee on the bed and I’ll have to take care of it, poo and not flush, his clothes are everywhere. I did practically everything. I will carry the big generator out in the night, buy fuel, put it on, when he comes back in d night, even if it’s at 1pm, I’ll rush to warm his meal, and sometimes his hands is in the plate and he would just sleep off on the settee, because he is so drunk.
Then as I’ll go out that late in the night with fear and put off the generator, sometimes I’ll bring it in, sometimes if I’m too weak, I’ll leave it outside, then I’ll go round the house and make sure all the doors are locked, things I don’t do in my parents house, because he would say, if armed robbers come to the house, who will they rape?
Second month after our wedding, the beating started, I was practically out 9 months of the year, his parents kept hiding me, his siblings kept begging me to leave, he would chase me on the street, beat me very late in the night and lock me out. I was losing it each day, I deteriorated.
I started getting unnecessarily fat, he destroyed me physically, emotionally, spiritually. His family kept carrying me from one pastor to another, I can’t count how many anointing oils I’ve drunk in my life, the Ori Oke I’ve gone to. I was devastated, my parents were in despair, my siblings were angry.
Then he had to go to the rehab because he was getting worse, I felt for him, I’ll sleep in the clinic with him, make sure he was okay, but the doctor treating me kept telling me to move on with my life, but I wanted to make my marriage work.
His mother who was my 5 and 6 became my enemy because we had a disagreement over her son, she started spreading lies about me, calling me an adulteress, his siblings believed her over me except his younger sister, she was really there. I stopped going to church, there were some people in the church who loved me before my mother in law started spoiling me, they stopped greeting me. I stopped going out, I started becoming depressed.
After years of struggling, I decided to walk away.
In my depression, I met someone who I did a catering job for at his wedding and he was really there or so I thought. We talked about everything and he made me feel loved. I wanted just friendship but he wanted more, he was going through a lot, his wife was sick, he was spending so much, he told me how he cooks for his wife, how he doesn’t allow her to do anything and blah blah blah…..”
“He said he wanted me, that I was good, intelligent and kind-hearted. I was going through a lot and I leaned on him. My sixth sense kept telling me he’s married, and every time I try to walk away, he would tell me how much he needed me, and I’ll stay.
I pretended to be happy, sometimes I thought I was, but deep down I wanted to have just my own man. And I knew even if he was the only man in the world, I won’t settle for him.
My sixth sense also told me it seems it was his wife that was slaving for him. He expected so much from her, he says he buys everything for her, he doesn’t like her to stress herself, I believe him a bit but not all. sometimes he will call that he needs money and I’ll start borrowing from people to give him or even beg.
I didn’t have much, he knew I didn’t but he wanted me to go all out cos his wife was doing the same, so if I drop 80k, his wife might drop 500k and he will sometimes tell me how I gave peanut compared to his wife. He doesn’t allow me to interact with men, told me he couldn’t share me, wanted me to have an oath with him that I wouldn’t remarry. He has hit me twice. Hmmm.
Well to cut this story short, his wife gave birth some months back, he got her a car, we went together to shop for a phone for her, he took me on a ride in the car, I started having warning dreams about him because I dream. But I knew I wanted more, this was not for me, I was unhappy.
So early this year I made up my mind to walk away. I’ll just rather be single and heal. I blocked him and started talking to a therapist. I know the journey it’s still long, but I’m hoping and praying that I will find healing and peace that I truly deserve.”
I am now a lecturer and has laid everything to the feet of Christ!