Lifestyle Memoirs of a Lagos Boy Relationship Hacks


I have been eyeing her for about 5 months. Coming from NYSC CDS (Community Development Service) at Agodi Gate, I always ensure that I pass by that eatery where she works as a cashier. The mere beats of my heart whenever she smiles at a customer at the counter sends shivers through my body.

She is beautiful and gracious that I fell in love with her. Yes, you heard me right! I did! I would drop from the taxi at Challenge, knowing fully well that I paid for a trip that would take me to Adeoyo junction yet I wouldn’t mind catching a glimpse of her, even if it would mean having to trek to Adeoyo from Challenge, I don’t mind.

In fact, I’ve done that plenty times with no form of lag or remorse, the thoughts of Eatery crush always make me oblivious of the distance that I trek on these Thursdays.

On this particular Thursday, I woke up unusually happy! My brother’s fiancée finished home cleaning, and cooked for us but I wasn’t just hungry which was very unusual. Something is up. The thought of eatery crush lurked through my mind. I felt like something great would happen. You know that sudden feeling of happiness you get and you don’t just seem to know where it is coming from.

Today is one of those days I get to see my secret love, the day my heart will beat like “Gbim Gbim” making tiny sputters and sending the usual ting of shivers down my body.

I got a call from the State Coordinator that morning, we were supposed to travel to Oyo town for a State visit, and I was to join the Public relations Team. At first I felt bad because I won’t be able to see secret crush today, but when I checked the time I was expected to report to the NYSC, it fell to the same time my Crush would be resuming at work.

Splendid! I would get to see her today, before customers start trooping in. Maybe know her name and tell her I have been crushing on her secretly. You know? A young man’s only got one chance and when the chance avails itself you grab with both hands.

I bathed as fast as I could, made for the convenience to poo and think through my strategy. How will I approach her? What do I need to do? Should I take extra cash? Do I act as if I want to buy some snack? It’s too early for that as they would not have totally opened to customer. Either ways, I need to find a way to breeze in and out!

A lot of thoughts rummaged through my head until my brother’s voice jolted me out of my strategic meeting with myself in the Loo!

‘Femi, you dey born for this toilet, abi you no dey go your secretariat again’

Quickly I jumped up, but not before I already perfected my strategy at formally meeting my secret crush!

In 10 minutes I was done, my N2,000 perfume sprayed on my body; From the hair on my head to my toes’ I made sure I smelt good. Even me dey nod my head, ‘ Good Boy’

I ran down the stairs, almost stumbled infact. Called an ‘okada’ and mouthed ‘Challenge’

‘Oga your money nah 100 Naira’

I did not even bother bargaining. I was too excited to bargain. It sounds cliché right? Like the excitement would be too overwhelming to even want to bargain with the Okada man.

Sure boy Deedee, oya lets go! I mouthed excitedly

We reached Challenge under 10 minutes and I walked (almost ran to the door of the eatery). I was already at the door to notice that I could not really see the inner part of the eatery that morning. Gosh! I muttered, how could I not have known, the light were dimly light as it appeared they were still cleaning up.

I wasn’t sure if she was in or not, but I know she is usually on duty 1st and 3rd Thursdays of the month. My heart skipped a bit. What if she wasn’t there? My efforts wasted, my minutes in the toilet perfecting my strategy gone!

I was still lost in thoughts when the door opened and there she was – My Love, staring straight at me and she spoke in her melodious voice.

Sorry, we are not opened yet!

I waited for words to come out of my mouth, but nothing came. I was just rooted to the spot. Basking in the splendour of her beauty. Looking at her from head to toe. Just looking, just staring. I struggled with the words but unfortunately they failed me. I just smiled stupidly and walked back to the road.

As I walked down to the Idi Odo part of Challenge, I was secretly kicking myself, I was bitter and ashamed. See how I ridiculed myself, self ridicule crept in and I mustered enough energy to stare back at my love before she enters back into the eatery.

Just as she was about to walk into the eatery, there was a loud honk from a Toyota Camry 2010 model parked by the side of the road. She looked back and smiled in recognition of the car and its owner.

I have never seen a set of teeth so white, well set and sitting joyfully in a pretty face.

She ran from the door to the car and flung herself on some dark complexion sturdy guy who came out of the car.She clung to him and kissed him passionately! Laughing heartily and playfully that I almost ran back to scream at her.

Good Lord! Not this guy, just not him! I have loved you secretly, I have wished you were mine! No, it’s not Sturdy, It’s Deedee. I cried inside.

But rooted was I to the spot, just watching as a tear escaped from my eye and still staring to see her lead ‘sturdy boyfriend’ into the eatery.

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  • Reply
    September 2, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Hahahaha o ma se ooo

  • Reply
    September 2, 2016 at 10:33 am

    Hey secret crusher… Express your feelings now or forever remain silent/heart broken! Lol

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