What Happens When You Are HeartBroken As a Man?

What Happens When You Are HeartBroken: man’s heart is definitely not a stone that it will neither feel the pain of loss or regret. If common birds make love and feel loneliness, then who is a man not to feel hurt when that one most special person goes out of reach never to return.

Defining heartbreak; the dictionary defines it as “the strong feeling of sadness”. But does this definition define it all? Ask yourself the question and answer it yourself, then, you can argue with me or agree with me that it doesn’t at all… let me share my own definition which I arrived at after surveying men who have gone through heartbreak and those currently experiencing it. “Heartbreak is the deepest feeling of hurt and regrets which leaves us with sweet memories you can’t ever have again resulted in undefined sadness”. I guess that definition means a lot to what is currently going through or pretty much have been through. Yes! That’s what heartbreak really is… Sometimes we just wished we never ventured into that relationship.

“Every emotion stems from the heart”, imagine when that heart is broken, emotions which can either come in two forms (positive and negative), one will be selected in this case, and we definitely know that it’s going to be the negative one which will be aroused. During this period, we tend not to be thinking straight while everyone around us will seem to be looking weird.

For some reasons, fighting heartbreak is psychological which might even at some point need the help of psychotherapist or counselor. The reason it’s all so confusing is largely because, heartbreak is more or less a mental and emotional epidemic. If God himself get angry when we take his love for granted, how much more the ordinary man. In fact, I can tell you when a man’s heart is broken, he feels the pain and goes through more trauma than a lady. Learning how to deal with heartbreak can be slow and confusing. But it’s is impossible to do.

“What Happens When You Are HeartBroken?” or you can have me say “How does heartbreak feel like for a man?”. Let’s head down to find out the answers to this lingering problems…

1. Traumatized

Every man who’s heartbroken is subjected to a lasting shock as a result of a disturbing experience(s). this type of trauma is psychological; psychological trauma is a type of mind that occurs as a result of a distressing event. People who go through this type of extremely saddening experience often have certain symptoms and problems afterward. Some of the consequential results of this trauma are:  unexplainable anger, upsetting memories due to flashbacks (remembering old times), insomnia may occur as lurking fears and insecurity keeps the person insecure and vigilant, being on the lookout for danger of always trying to pull away from loving as fears of a second heartbreak may steer up.

If you are currently experiencing this or your man is, psychotherapy is the best-recommended diagnoses. Cognitive behavioral therapy will be used.

2. A man’s heartbreak might be debilitating

One thing that sure cracks men’s emotional strength or mind is heartbreak, it leaves any man who is heartbroken weak both emotionally and physically (debility), debility is a physical weakness caused by illness. I know you must have been wondering about the correlation and illness, heartbreak is a psychological illness which can as stated above is termed as trauma and this makes you prone to having issues with your health which in turn leaves you, weak and this would or could reflect in your daily life activities, such as poor performance at your workplace, engagement in physical activities will definitely drop.

3. Loneliness

When a man truly loves a woman, she becomes part of his life, the duo he would dream never separate again is you and him. When the woman, the partner of his, that one best friend he can’t stay a moment without, finally decides to shatter and leave him all by himself, then loneliness and boredom comes in as accompaniment of the other two, having to stay, laugh, cry and talk alone with no one to look you in the eyes and tell you that “It’s going to be alright”, then you get that weird feeling that seem like “the world left you to your fears”. Might I have you know this that; scientist have called loneliness an epidemic due to how widespread and severe the isolation can seem in our modern way of living?

Loneliness is never an option neither should it be a decision you should make because sometimes not everyone you lose is a loss. Sometimes you just need a break in a beautiful place, alone to figure out everything. The hardest walk is walking alone which makes you the strongest.

4. Struggling with Boundaries

Your relationship tends to be difficult or dramatic. The boundaries you set, the more you give others a signal that you don’t know how to take care of yourself. Wait a minute, let’s define what the meaning of boundary’s “boundary is a real or imagined line that marks the limits or edged of something and separate it from others”. Finding closure and boundaries after a breakup is two of the hardest things. But if your night of Instagram-creeping turns into a habit that you can’t break, it might be time to check in with yourself. “If you’re obsessing about the person, stalking them (via social media or in real life!), or structure your life around ‘bumping’ into them, or trying to win them back, it might be time for help,” Parisi says.

Once you can get help, from a friend or professional, you can ask yourself a series of questions to see if you’re doing better. “[Ask yourself,] are you able to set and stick to boundaries (not calling, not texting, not checking social media obsessively, not casually dropping by their place of employment)?” Parisi says. If so, you’re already on the up-and-up.

5. Men swim in stress hormones

When you’re in love, your brain is inundated with the neurochemicals dopamine and oxytocin, making you experience feelings of happiness and pleasure. Now when a man heart that once used to be filled with excitement and joy for the feeling of love and being loved is tampered with, those chemical looks as though they have disappeared from your system, leaving you as a victim to stress hormones because, during this disorder, your brain pumps and releases cortisol and epinephrine to your body. Looking stressed out? It’s not overworking nor overtasking, it’s over secretion of those hormones. Of course, any reason is a good enough reason to see a therapist, so this is just another part of life where it pays to be open and exploratory with your mental health. “Of course, talking to someone for ‘normal’ heartbreak is perfectly acceptable too,” Parisi says. “A pro can help explore what went wrong, support you in setting protective boundaries to allow for healing, and help you brainstorm what kind of changes you’d like to come out of it.”

Let’s take a look at this story I came across….

Early last month, I had just gotten over a bad breakup and distanced myself enough from the past to move on happily with no problems. Just when I had moved on, she came in. I was grabbing my things from behind the counter of my gym when my friend was on Skype with his girlfriend, and me being the goofball I am around my friends fooled around on Skype with her while my friend was looking away. The moment I step away to change, I get called back instantly because her friend wants to talk to me. I thought I had done something wrong (just assuming) and got called back to get scolded. What I didn’t know though is that her friend who I didn’t see saw me! She got my number down, we Skype’ for a few and then I left. We texted the night away. A few days in, this girl and I are clicking pretty well. She had the most beautiful smile and laugh. Facetiming with her would be the best parts of my night just because I had begun to forget about everything and everyone else.  We genuinely clicked, and although I shouldn’t have…I took her best friends advice (my friend’s girlfriend who I was on Skype with) and asked her to be my girlfriend. This girl was amazing. She made me feel good again. I felt really happy after a long time. Colors were brighter, I noticed that I would be smiling more often and was overall just a far better, more positive person.

Then comes D-day. You ever wake up with the feeling that something bad is about to happen…but you’re not too sure what? Well I felt it…and because of past experiences I was dreading what was in the back of my mind. I get a text from her best friend that triggered a reaction in me… and it was a domino effect from there. One thing lead to another, and ultimately by the end of the night this girl and I were officially broken up.

I tried reasoning with myself why this happened, was there anything I could have done to prevent it? Was it just one of those right thing but wrong time type of relationships? This girl was in a relationship for 5 years before her and I got together…and was only single for 5-6 months before her and I got together. I tried explaining to myself (and ultimately became a martyr for the cause) that she didn’t experience many things and never had a chance to grow as a regular teenager. I was heartbroken…and no matter how hard I tried the following day, I was a mess. I took off from work just to take a step back and catch a deep breath from life. I tried so hard to reason with her and figure something out…but she wasn’t having it and I wasn’t going to try any harder than I already was.

A few weeks post break up, we’ve made our peace (well, she has) and just talked here and there as friends, nothing serious. I’m guilty for sending her the good morning text that shouldn’t have been sent. I’m even guiltier for trying to convince myself that her and I would get back together eventually. Boy was I wrong. As I was casually (I use the term casually very, very loosely) going through her Instagram, I realize her #teamsingle turns into a date! All the mending and patching up I’ve been doing goes straight back down the drain…and here I am in a world of anger and pain…but most importantly- heart break. This is what Kanye West must have felt like while producing 808s and Heartbreaks or when Kim K got engaged for the 72-day marriage.

I’ve tried to post up things on my Instagram trying to really express my emotions, but I end up deleting them. I can’t really find the right picture or words to really express my true sorrow right now, but seeing that picture of her and her new boyfriend doesn’t help me very much either.

I feel hurt. I feel so much pain and agony. I can’t begin to really understand where I should start to pick myself back up. Right now, I just feel so much self-pity. Maybe it was something I did or said to cause this breakup in the first place, but I regret ever falling for this beautiful, amazing person in the first place. Usually it’s females who go through pain after a breakup, but I’m here to let the world know that sometimes the guy feels the pain as well. Maybe it was my fault for letting down my guard completely for this woman. Maybe I should be mad at myself for not being taller or more of the thug type that used to appeal to her. Maybe I’m just a nice guy destined to be alone.

Right now, I’m feeling pain. I am nowhere near excited that my birthday is coming up. Every word I’ve ever told her I meant, and now they’re all just stabbing me and eating me up alive. This is what self-pity feels like. I don’t know what to do, or who to talk to about this, but I know this is what it feels like to be heart-broken. This is what it’s like for a nice guy like me to lose someone I cared about. I don’t know when I’ll get past this, I don’t know how either. I can only hope that this is a feeling people don’t get to experience, even though unfortunately they do. I want to just swear at her so much, just to get her to even understand the slightest amount about how I’m feeling right now, but I can’t even do that. I can’t swear to someone that I valued so much. I feel like just grabbing her and shaking her to make her realize she shouldn’t be with a thug and should be with someone like me (well, not someone else- just me).

This is what heartbreak feels like for men… I know you must have been shocked to discover that men cry too and we have emotions too. We aren’t stone hearted like you think.

Read more of our contents on heartbreak:

What Can Someone Do To Get Over HeartBreak?
Does Falling in Love Have A Dark Side?
Signs That Show You Need A Counselor