As anyone who’s ever been through a breakup knows, hindsight is 20-20. It’s easy to look back at seeing things that went wrong, which were not at all obvious to you at the time.
However, how do you spot these issues at the time, before it’s too late? Often, when things start to go off the rails in a relationship, you can bring them back on track as long as you address the issue. Here are 7 common relationship killers to look out for.
Resentment is a particularly challenging issue in relationships because this is something that can fester beneath the surface without either of you being fully aware of it. It is also something that can start with a minor issue, but grow into an all-eclipsing relationship killer if it is not addressed.
The best way to nip resentment in the bud is to be very open with your partner. If they’re doing something that hurts or annoys you, tell them. This is really the only way to avoid resentment building up over time, not to mention resolve issues, large or small.
2. Problems in the Bedroom
Problems in a couple’s sex life can be devastating to a relationship over time if not addressed. Yes, sex isn’t everything, but it is an important part of keeping a couple physically and emotionally connected. Sexual desires can wane over time for a variety of reasons, but the worst thing you can do is ignore the problem and hope it will go away. Instead, talk to your partner about it and work through this issue together.
Other problems can arise from bedroom related matters such as infidelity and partners not being open about their sexual history or possible STIs. It is important, to be honest and open with each other: if you’re not sure if you should be worried about STIs it’s always Better2Know by getting tested.
3. Financial Issues
Problems with money, or more often failing to talk about problems with money, can be devastating to a relationship in the long term. In fact, one survey showed that money problems were given as the primary reason for divorce by 57% of divorced couples.
Problems arise if there is not open communication about how much money you have as a couple, how it is spent, or how it should be budgeted. This can be easily addressed by simply managing these matters together. Another common issue arises when there is a financial discrepancy between partners. One partner may feel insecure if they don’t bring as much to the table, though this can usually be resolved by simply sharing concerns.
As we’ve seen so far, it is important not to ignore problems and potential issues. On the other hand, you should not go looking for problems that aren’t there. Another common relationship killer is always looking for the negative and being judgemental of everything your partner does.
It is important to remember that no one is perfect and we all mess up sometimes. Give your partner some space to have bad days and to make mistakes from time to time. Otherwise, focusing on the negative all the time will change your perception of them over time, as well as wearing them down too.
5. Being Selfish
One of the biggest relationship killers is undoubtedly selfishness. A lack of consideration for your partner can be a toxic element that will surely kill your relationship over time. This doesn’t mean, however, that being self-less is easy. Putting someone else first all the time is incredibly difficult, and this takes a lot of effort and practice.
Selfishness can sometimes also manifest in a more benign-appearing form: stubbornness. Although relatively common, stubbornness can be fatal in relationships. Although it is important to stand up for yourself and defend things that are important to you, compromise is also critical. Above all else, a relationship is a partnership, so both partners need to consider each other at all times.
6. Comparing your Relationship to Others
Comparison is a natural human urge: we compare ourselves, our lives and yes, even our partners, to those we see on social media, in movies, or to previous situations. This means it is easy to compare our current relationship to our past ones.
However, this can be a very toxic thing to do and can erode trust within your relationship over time. When you look back on past relationships you always do so with a skewed perspective: you’ll remember the good times, and forget about the bad things. After all, there is a reason you’re not in that relationship any more. It is much better to focus on where you are now and enjoy being with your current partner.
7. Avoiding Conflict
Some people find conflict easier than others. For some, bringing a problem or having an argument isn’t a challenge at all, while for many this is a scary proposition, and something they avoid at all costs. Dodging an argument or letting something slide, however, could in the long term doom your relationship to fail.
Avoiding conflict means that issues go un-discussed and therefore unresolved. This means they will build up over time until sooner or later they become so large that they may just cause the end of your relationship.