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How I Survived Domestic Abuse in My Marriage

How I Survived Domestic Abuse in My Marriage
I met Rhoda (Not Real Name) on Twitter when we made comments on a post about a man who connived with his mother-in-law to abuse his wife physically. That's weird and terrible, right? 

We live in a weird and terrible world now and crazy things are happening. We got chatting in DM and she decided to share her devastating marriage story with me.

I thought to share, maybe, just maybe someone can relate to this.

My Marital Journey

We got married on March 1st, 2014. The marriage was filled with regrets and pains. Actually, we didn’t really court for long before we got married but however, I did my best to make the marriage work because I don’t even want to get married to two men in my life. Things got worse because I married a “daddy’s boy”, he couldn’t take any decision on his own. Everything was about his parents.

He never cared about me and I dare not complain if not, the next thing is beating. I cry daily because I couldn’t tell anyone what I was experiencing in the marriage, not even my mother because I just wanted to keep my home and not make my kids have two fathers. He doesn’t allow me to work, I got a job in an oil and gas company in VI Lagos, he asked me to resign after one week of working because of his insecurities.

Lol, yeah I’m a very beautiful lady despite the fact that I have a child, my physique doesn’t show that I have a child at all, so this makes him insecure and unnecessarily hot-tempered and jealous. He called my mum and told her he wants me to resign from my place of work or move out of his house. My mum pleaded with me to sacrifice my job for my marriage (because she wasn’t aware of the physical abuse. And I don’t tell her). I gave in to my mum plea and I left a good job.

So I started staying home as a full housewife because that’s what he wants but he doesn’t even provide for the family; and despite all these, I never for once called my mum to tell her because I learned to keep my shit to myself.

Things got worse and I wake up every day to regret my step by marrying him. Any argument leads to physical assault and he doesn’t even care if you die or live. He would leave home and go eat outside while I will be starving inside the house while I was breastfeeding our son. I kept hoping things change and kept praying to God so he can change for the better, but instead of him to change, it got worse.


…and the Abuse Continued

My parents never knew I married an animal. He portrayed himself as the “best husband” to everyone outside but he’s a beast inside. I got fed up when the marriage was a year plus and I decided to confide in a friend. She is married too and her husband takes care of her. I told her everything I was going through and she asked if my mum was aware. I said no because I hid everything happening in my marriage from my parents’ because I believed I’m no longer in their house so I have to face the battle alone. She advised me to call me Mum and explain to her so she can know that her daughter’s husband is a beast. I said okay but I didn’t still inform my parents.

So one faithful day, we had a misunderstanding in our home and it led to another series of beating that I almost died. He beat me up in the presence of our son and he did not even care about the mental health of that little child. He asked that I should leave his house that he’s no longer interested in the marriage of which I agreed with because I was also fed up with the daily physical assaults.

He now invited his Mum and immediate younger brother to come to our house that morning. They got to our house at exactly 7am, he already told them he doesn’t want me in the marriage anymore so his mom was there to come and throw my belongings outside of her son’s house. When they got to our house. I told the bastard I married that I wasn’t leaving that I am staying in the marriage. Then he said he would kill me if I don’t leave his house that morning

Read more: Damaged And Broken – The Heartbreaking Rape Story of A 19 Year Old

His brother abused me too

So I told him to kill me but I won’t leave. He then pushed me and I hit my head on the wall. I was unconscious for some seconds and I went to him crying that does he not have a conscience. While I was talking to him, his younger bro dragged me with my braids and started beating me on the couch in the presence of their mother and the bastard I married. The guy beats me that all my face was swollen. Our neighbors came to my rescue and they (neighbors) were the ones who called my mum and explained everything that’s been happening to her.

Did I mention that after the beating, my ex-husband, his brother, and Mum threw my belongings outside and changed the key to the house? I was outside weeping profusely inside the rain (it rained heavily that day).

Our neighbor took me in and she prepared food for me to eat and rest till my mum got there. When my mum arrived, people explained everything that has been happening to her and she was really disappointed in me for keeping those things to myself.

We left there (my mum and I) and my parents took me to the hospital for treatment. My parents never acted wicked, they still called that bastard on phone to come to see them and explain why he treated their daughter that way. Instead of him to come, he said he doesn’t have time that he’s too busy.

It was right on that sick bed I told my parents it is over between me and him. A few weeks later he came to beg and sent people to come to plead with me so I can forgive him, but I told everyone who cared to listen that it is over. So that was how I walked out of the marriage.

Finding love again

At first, I never considered it because of my bitter experience, but later I realized I still need a man. So definitely, I’m hoping to find love again if it still exists.


Men on Twitter?

Most single men here are just horny, and they are not ready for something serious. That’s the way most men on Twitter are.

This is a very terrible marital experience. I am sure you would agree that leaving that marriage was the best thing for her, her sanity and the young baby she had.

Or do you think otherwise? Share with us!

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  • Reply
    October 24, 2019 at 10:41 am

    Thank you for taking this decision. Your life and your happiness is more important than anything in this world. And I pray you find true love again.

  • Reply
    October 24, 2019 at 10:57 am

    Hmmmn, I’m glad she left the said marriage alive and she’s moved on, but the narrative feels empty and devoid of details of their relationship before they wedded.

    Also, while courting or dating (even as she said it was for a very short period) she must have seen signs of aggression, or all these traits she outlined.

    My one cent advise to single ladies is to learn to talk about anything and everything. If they had spoken about career, payment of bills, etc, while dating, she would have known if he’s the type of man she wanted to settle with.

    Another thing is, family 1st. Even if they will criticize your decision, never keep a sealed lip especially when life issues are at stake. I suspect maybe her parent(s) had their reservations about the man she ended with, maybe that explains why she decided to keep her shit to herself.

    Talking about marital issues doesn’t make you weak, in fact, it helps you get your sanity and boosts your self esteem. If she had died, all she was covering up would have been exposed and she’ll have caused an eternal pain to her parents.

    God help us make the right decisions, but in that too, open your eyes and ask questions. Don’t ever be foolishly in love or be pushed by peer or parental pressure to get involved with the wrong person!

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