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Funny Advice about Marriage: Thinking of Funny marriage advice for newlyweds, funny marriage advice for the bride to be, Humorous marriage advice for grooms? Welcome to a den of funny advice about marriage!

Ah, Marriage advice. They are things worth talking about. Have you ever heard of funny advice about marriage? Well, I’m about to show you a lot about them.

We attend weddings, traditional weddings, and we hear some of the advice people give to the newlyweds – one that will surely make you laugh or chuckle because they are seemingly hilarious. But when you give it a second thought, they may likely have a very crucial meaning in respect to the couples marital life.

Well, I am not just sharing this with you for the fun of it. Or to only make you laugh. Of course, like all other starting of marriages, you are going to need some unique and special wedding quotes or messages to spice it all up. You can have these on wedding cards, on a mini blackboard as your wishes to the couple, or simply as a light-hearted wedding toast that you can give them!

We have heard of a lot of funny jokes based on the very fact. Well, those are the funny moments we expect from life. Here, we are providing you with some of the marriage advice which you can send to your soon to be married friends and family to make up their mind or cheer them up by sending them funny marriage advice and quotes.

While a happy marriage can bring a lifetime of love, companionship and fulfilment, it doesn’t mean we can’t have a laugh at the playful sarcasm that often surrounds the topic.

Alternatively, we have consolidated best Funny Marriage Advice & Quotes’ that will help you to have a long-lasting married life & will make you a lovely couple.

When your wedding day finally comes, you will definitely give a speech. As a bride or bridegroom, you will need some of these seriously funny quotes to Spice up your wedding speeches so as to have your guests crying with laughter and envying your humour.

Almost everyone waits for the day and prepares so much in mind from their wedding photos to the wedding dress. But there are also some fun facts about marriage. For example, how a husband will react in a given situation or how a wife will respond after marriage.

Let’s now explore some funny advice about marriage to Last Until Death Do You Part

We’ve consolidated some really funny advice about marriage made by different people around the world. From experts to movie characters, couples, newlyweds, famous clowns, and other men and women of great wit. Happy reading!

  • “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.”
    —Joyce Brothers
  • “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.”
    —Jean Kerr
  • “Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.”
    —Isadora Duncan
  • “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.”
    -Sigmund Freud
  •  “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”
    -Mickey Rooney
  • “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”
    —Benjamin Franklin
  • “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”
    —Anonymous
  • “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher .”
    —Socrates
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
    —Rita Rudner
  • “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
    —Albert Einstein
  • “For a marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.”
    —Catherine Zeta-Jones

  • “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.”
    —Sigmund Freud
  • “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
    —Ogden Nash
  • “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”
    —Eddie Cantor
  • “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”
    —Red Skelton
  • “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
    —Henny Youngman
  • “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.”
    —Cher
  • “Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
    —Ambrose Bierce
  • I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery
    – Rita Rudner
  • “Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”
    —Marilyn Monroe
  • “Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”
    —Stephen Leacock
  • A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
    – Michel de
  • Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
    – Ogden NashNever
  • Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her master’s degree. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
    – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Some other advice about marriage that you will find really funny.

  • Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can’t live without each other.
  • If you want to be happy with a man, love him less & understand him more…If u want to be happy with a women, love her more and never try to understand her.
  • Listening to the wife is like reading the terms & conditions of a website. You understand nothing, but still, you say: “I Agree!”
  • Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. it’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.
  • He stole my heart so I am planning revenge…I am going to take his Last Name.
  • Two golden rules to a happy marriage:
    1. The wife is always right.
    2. When you feel she is wrong to slap yourself and read rule no. 1 again.
  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
  • Married Life is so easy, it’s just like a walk in the park. But the problem is that the park is..’ Jurassic Park!’
  • Don’t laugh at your wife’s choices, you are one of them; Never be proud of your choices, your wife is one of them.
  • Maths after marriage is simple. If you have $20 and your wife has $5, she has $25
  • Marriage let you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
  • Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore.
  • If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.
  • Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
  • Husbands are the best people to share your secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.
  • If at first you don’t succeed..try doing it the way your wife told you.
  • Marriage is a workshop where husband works & wife shops.
  • A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.
  • Love is blind. But marriage restores its sight.
  • Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
  • A happy marriage is not based on the number of days, months or years you’ve been together. A happy marriage is about how much you love each other.
  • A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know ‘What goes in it’.
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life”
  • “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
  • “If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; If you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.”
  • A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It’s when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

Funny Advice about Marriage

  • A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.
  • Don’t marry someone you can live with, marry the person who you cannot live without.
  • Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
  • Marriage marks the end of a love story and the start of a wrestling match.
  • Before you got married, you were madly in love with each other. Now you will be mad at each other as well.
  • Before marrying someone, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet, just to see who they really are.
  • The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.
  • Welcome to the dangerous world of married life. It‘s too late to repent! Have an amazing journey!
  • In life, we should always keep our eyes wide open. However, after marriage, it‘s better to close them at times!
  • Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.
  • Marry someone who has a different favourite cereal than you, so that they won’t eat all of yours.
  • “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”
  • “My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.”
  • “Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there.”
  • “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops”
  • “Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there.”
  • “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops”
  • “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.”
  • “Some mornings I wake up grouchy. And some mornings I just let him sleep.”
  • “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”
  • “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.”
  • “Some mornings I wake up grouchy. And some mornings I just let him sleep.”
  • “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life”
  • “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
  • “If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; If you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.”
  • “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”
  • “My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.”

Funny marriage advice for Husbands

Funny Advice about Marriage

Now here is some marriage advice for men that are really funny. Some have an in-depth, useful meaning though.

  • I hope your marriage will give you surprises, not shocks.
  • Get Ready to say sorry without any mistake.
  • One drawback of marriage. You can’t Fart on your bed.
  • Never laugh at your wife’s choices because you are one of them.
  • Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and wife shops.
  • Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and the one who never forgets.
  • A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
  • As a husband learn to say “Sorry” even if it’s not your fault.
  • Congratulation he still thinks that you are a calm and sober girl.
  • If you want your wife to listen to you then talk to another woman. She will be all ears.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years and then we got married.
  • Marriage is give and take, you’d better give it to her or she will take it anyway.
  • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is your wife.
  • Husband is the head of the family and wife is the neck that turns the head around.

Funny Marriage advice for wives

Funny Advice about Marriage

We have also put together some really funny marriage advice for wives. Here…

  • A girl dreams of her wedding since childhood and regrets the dreams after she is married.
  • The best way to get your husband do something is by making them realize that they are too old for it.
  • A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he cleaned the entire house.
  • Men are one manipulative species and you realize this only after you get married to one.
  • The best thing about marriage is that you will get to annoy your man for the rest of your life.
  • Don’t ever stop flirting with your husband because you never know what might happen.
  • After a month or two you soon realize that wedding rings are basically the world’s smallest handcuffs.
  • Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep beside your enemy.
  • 90% of being married is shouting “WHAT” to your husband from the other room.
  • Make love and not war or marry someone.

So guys! We’ve come to the end of exploring funny advice and quotes about marriage. Do you have any addition to these ones we’ve listed?

Or did your in-law give you a piece of advice before marriage that made you chuckle? Share with us at the comment section.!

About The Author

The very epitome of textual creativity, Emmanuel Ashe is a prolific writer with keen interest in lifestyle and information. Enjoys African Literature and a lover of soccer board game.

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